You are kind and generous, Sir!...and I am deeply appreciative of that.
The irony is that I could (and have) said the same about you and you're embodiment/exposition of the state you pushed through to and arrived at. The way you express it is absolutely impeccable. I've read some (not all....I am not that "well read" to be honest. I am pretty good at faking being well read, though!
) of others claiming something of the same state of awareness...and, honestly, they just come off as a bunch of bloated, self-indulgent windbags....which, in light of what's being claimed, is pretty fcking disgusting, if you ask me.
But, speaking of irony and your praise.....more ironic still is the incontrovertible fact whatever you see in me is in the context of interacting with you, here in your forum with all of your very accomplished/insightful and very legit readers and posters. Whatever I have/am seems to be in the process of being uncovered in the context of examining/erasing myself in your and your student's/colleague's presence. To such an extent that I cannot, in good conscience, take credit for anything that's emerging in my view to be reported upon through posts in your forum. I feel like a reporter who's just reporting on what's seen when I interact here...this stuff just floats up on its own.....any idiot observing the same could cherry pluck and plop down, claiming it as their own. I guess there's some honest work being done on my part to clear the air of ego-debris (sooooo much crap to sweep aside, still...believe me)....but it certainly doesn't seem to be the kind of "deadly serious" work inherent in many of your students posting here. In some self-judgy way, I feel ashamed to be in their presence. That same self-judgy aspect feels you wouldn't be so impressed if you had a clear view into my day-to-day thoughts/life. That self-judgy aspect feels you would feel that I'm the very fraud that I feel that I clearly am. I can fake it with the best of them!!
Which only means one thing.....I'm in the right place! I am a fraud....all the way, and without question. The part of me that I can't take credit for...that seems so free to express itself here in your "house", so to speak....is being impinged upon by a slacker....a whiner.....a coward....a snow-flake too fragile to endure much of anything of discomfort/pressure/emotional upheaval. It's Pacific Heights, only droning on for decades.
A55hole's got to go....so that other thing I can't explain can stay, ya dig? I know you do