INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

What goes up....must come down.  The wean off, now, because I can't handle the horror show of cold turkey.  Protracting the inevitable.  Iboga brings inevitability to bear, it seems just reading the experiences, in one fell 30+ hour swoop.  I'm barely flirting with the idea of seeking the iboga cleansing, and I am truly terrified.  Of the judgment from that most exacting aspect of the self which pulls no punches.  I don't know if I could handle it, honestly.  Knowing what's at stake....seems that that is Iboga's special form of knowledge.  Inner truth....and the cost of squandering it. 

In the mean time, yes I think I"d like to employ your breathing technique, Jed.  Where do I find it 

Thanks again

You are always good to go, so good to go would be good... I think...

Best wishes on your journey.

Love ya, Jed.

We shall see....

Love ya, Jed.

"watch today for any remnants"

Why the hell would I do that? LOL  Actually go LOOKING for the repeating aspects of "the story" I've been enslaved to.  Ridiculous!  Thank goodness, I simply forgot....to look for the story...and got lost (found) in the clear, translucent field that spread out in front of/around me all day long at work yesterday (body breathing helped resuspend the field, if inertial contraction set in )...which required brisk, intense activity for 12 hrs straight.  In spite of 3 hours of sleep.  There's some beliefs, I see, about sleep and "how much?" that seem to be put to question in this whole release-to-awareness endeavor.  "Enough" seems to be the answer...whether 3 hours or more....or less?  Who knows.   Anyways, the energy for activity that was needed was there.  The what? and how? of the activity just emerged in front of me walking forward and put me and my body into motion to "make it so".  Whatever this is....its what I want! And after that?  What dreams may come

Thanks again, Jed!!

"Identity of victim/perpetrator. Experience them both fully"



At first I thought, "true...but also weird non sequitur".  Remembering yesterday, though, it fits.. 

Sailing along at work in continuation of day before's stream of awareness.  Then...circumstances, quite suddenly, got hairy.  Dense and untenable.  One minute, I'm eating salad in break room, watching a few mind boggling moments of WWE wrestling that was on TV (apropos, don't you think?! ...all that fake contention/altercation with braying, over-muscled, be-tight-ed wrestlers..both hairy and dense...posturing on the microphone between bouncing off turnbuckles and flying drop-kicks).  All the prior ease devolves into density...pressure.....ego reaction/anger at having to navigate through the clusterf*ck.  "Buzzkill!!"   Thus identifying as being victim to circumstance (perpetrator).  Looking back over the whole of it, putting myself in all shoes shodding those involved...the opposing roles of each collapse, at least in terms of gravity...and become comic from overseer's perspective.  Just another wrestling match worth a smile and a laugh.  And now, it's gone.  Back to breathing...morning sunshine...the magical moment at hand.

Thanks, Jed! 

It's true, it's true!  ALL entertainment   Infinity....help me remember....

Speaking of infinity...sometimes it brings messages that are shockingly direct.  *BAM!* Others, indirect like an inwardly coiling riddle....like a skier skimming along the event horizon...the accretion disc...of a whirlpool, leaving a fractal rooster-tail spray of glittering water droplets in its wake.  The motion points to the empty center around which it revolves.

This morning, during meditation....a Mother Goose poem from childhood emerges literally out of nowhere

Simple Simon met a pieman
Going to the fair:
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware."
Say the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Show me first your penny."
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Indeed I have not any."
Simple Simon went a-fishing
For to catch a whale:
All the water he had got
Was in his mother's pail.

Inner voice tells me, "Forget grandiose fantasies and pay attention to all the small details today.  See what's hidden deep within what's taken for granted"

Thank you, Jed

Layers of detail yesterday, all of which were a treasure trove of depth/intricacy when delved into (body-breathing is the plumb line).  This went swimmingly until I ended up at parents’ orientation meeting for my daughter, who’ll be a freshman in college.  I couldn’t penetrate my aversion to administrative meetings like this.  My boredom was insurmountable…and that’s on me. 

This a.m. gazing into darkness behind closed eyes, looking for “sudden onset of strange” more easily available in hypnagogic space.  I’m suddenly on the carpeted stairwell leading to the 2nd floor…and watch as a yellow/orange box of Arm and Hammer baking soda trundles, like a toddler, up the stairs all by itself.  Then I survey my body lying in bed, which dilates to become this transparent expanse within which a foggy, snow draped Siberian forest stretches out…with small rolls of discomfort along my skin giving rise to various topographic features…such as a berm of snow punctuated by an akimbo barb-wire fence next to the tree line.  *click* The fog clears, my body disappears and I’m looking at a sloping foothill, incline to the right bordered by dark moutains dappled with dark green alpine conifers. The sky is rich, dark gray clouds….beckoning…….beckoning.

Of which I am all three...at least on the superficial, cowardly, automated, lost soul level of my existence. Thus, the vision.

Thus, the addiction.  Thus, the fair warning (for which, I thank you!).  Pleasure oblivion. It's exactly why I am here, I'm sure.  To learn how to love my addiction...without succumbing to it, whole-sale.   To over see.  To not get seduced and lost in a lure.  Or to get seduced and lost in a lure, yet to see the whole of it?  Yeesh...IDK.  I..don't...know.      There's a feeling of gravity?  And yet, the impetus to not take anything seriously, to see the truth of the entertainment value of the whole production.  Which requires over sight.  It's like....."Seriously. Don't take ANYTHING seriously.  No...I'm serious. Ya feel?"    How to bring all this together.....grand unification.   

Jesus, am I ever in the right place.