INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

For over a month my experience has been that I am not a separate self and that everything is just happening. There are times where I get involved in personal stuff and forget what is happening this but it seems more or less permanent no matter if I'm doing zazen or if I'm eating chocolate in front of a computer. I notice that my desire to practice zazen is disappearing. I used to place my self worth on performance and I guess I did that with practice aswell.

I guess that this depends on the situation but... How do you teach if this realization has happened? Do you see any common delusions happening to "people" who get to T/R?

Best Wishes
/Martin

Oh it's certainly not.
Oh crap! I think I have to reformulate the question to "What tends to happen after T/R?"

I don't know what to say. My life has been dedicated to make "other people" to notice something that isn't even here. I have a lot of bad habits to uninstall.   Yeasterday I went to the library to read a book on physics and I met a friend there. Everything went well but suddenly I wanted her to believe that I am a smart person so I decided to talk about what I was reading.

Later during the day I went to the skatepark and holy moly I'm so full of ****. If I land a trick I actually look around the park to notice if anyone saw a good person doing that.

That's not who I am but it's just what's happening. I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know anything anymore.

And what about all this meditation stuff? Sitting for hours upon end waiting for some kind of enlightenment crown to appear so that I can put it on my head. I'M GOING TO BECOME AND ENLIGHTENED PERSON!   Holy moly... My life is gone, there is no one home. Thank GOD!

Hi Jed! My life took a very dark turn about a year ago. I've planned to cut off all contact with my "family" for about two years but I ended up with sciatic nerve pain on both legs, achilles tendonitis on both of my feet and because I couldn't sit properly or walk for a very long time I ended up with hip problems and nerve problems on both of my arms. It's gotten way better now and it keeps getting better but it really messed up my life and I started cutting off from my body with food and internet because it was so painful.

I want to finish my high school and cut off my family but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to handle school or to hold a job for now and there is a risk that I will end up homeless (above the Arctic Circle). I want to contact the social services but there is a pretty big chance that they will help me to find a place to stay with some food.

Do you have any advice?