INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

When I first read about asking "Who am I?" it said that a person should ask this question and then answer it. The answers could come in the form of jobs, relationships with people, hobbies, physical characteristics, and so on. All of these answers are to be acknowledged and discarded. Deeper answers are supposed to come, based less on surface features and playing roles. After a couple of minutes, I didn't know what else to say. It was clear that nothing really happened. I had no sense of where to go from there. I have read many times that "Who am I?" is not a mantra, and that the technique is not just in saying the words. Actually, I have read much more about what "Who am I?" is not than what it really is. Maybe that shouldn't be surprising for a technique about cutting through layers of false identity, but it is not helpful in explaining what to do.

What is "Who amI?", really?

It started for me in 1985 when I realized that everything I experienced came in filtered through my senses. The only thing I had any hope of exerting any control over was my own mind. Get that right, and the rest can take care of itself. Back then I was already writing, to try to figure out things; it was long before reading your books. Buddhism felt like coming home, in 1989 when I first started reading about it. It wasn't enough, but it was a good start. In the beginning I really knew what Enlightenment was and why I wanted it. It has been a long time and I have tried lots of things. Now I don't know what Enlightenment really is, or what it is for. It's just that there doesn't seem to be anything else out there. I used to wonder if there was something out there like money, alcohol, women, good food, extreme sports, or whatever else that would make me change my mind. If life were easier, maybe it would make me stop wanting out of the dream. It has been a long time since it even made sense that there could be something out there like that. When I read your first book, it scared me and pissed me off. I thought I would have to give up. It was actually exciting, and once things fell into place I decided to try reading that book again. The second time through it was neutral. The third time was fun. The line about taking a swan dive into the abyss of no-self is still one of the best things I have ever read.

The "Who am I?" isn't really something I feel drawn to do. It just bothers me not to understand what it is. It was something that felt like it was still missing from the books. You wrote that it works, if a person actually does it. I want to know what it means to do it.