Author Topic: 2000 light years from home  (Read 4205 times)

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2017, 03:37:05 am »
Thank you so much. This is why I'm here.

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2017, 05:12:20 am »
My mind can't rationalise, my gut says yes. To me, it's a trust based invitation and a gift.

There's a feeling that sensory overload will ensue in this state, if realised, and I will explode - but that's what missiles are for.

Note: If you want to stay asleep, beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
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Jed McKenna

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #17 on: September 20, 2017, 05:36:38 am »
 ;) ;) ;)

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2017, 10:49:05 am »
Post It Note #8

General ramblings and nonsense on choices, thoughts and control - refinement and further contemplation needed (word count massively exceeded, sorry).

Choices appear to me as a mental construct with images, narrative and outcomes. They may or may not turn into an action associated with the thought.

I decided today (of my own free will) to choose to take a shower. This initially presented itself as a thought-statement in my mind to the effect of 'I should probably take a shower'. I chose to act on this rather than ignore it.

I went upstairs and got into the shower and start to think about my apparent choice of taking my shower through my own free will. Meanwhile, washing is happening all by itself, unnoticed and without effort. 

Whilst in the shower, the thought 'do I control these thoughts?' appears as a question. If I control these thoughts (and therefore what I think), then I must have the ability to choose the thoughts I have, consciously. If I choose these thoughts then how are they chosen? I don't think 'the next thought I have will be a choice about taking a shower - do you want to continue?' followed by 'Yes, accepted, I think I will take a shower now' or 'no, I don't want to continue, please delete that thought and pretend it didn't happen'. They just arise. I was given a choice (about taking a shower) that I didn't even ask for. I then acted on it.

If I could control my thoughts, what would that even look like? I can see no evidence of any system happening which supports this, in my mind at least. Maybe it's my subconscious then? If it's my subconscious, I'm not directly aware of it so there's certainly no 'visibility' of it so I'm not in control after all.

When did my thinking start? I don't remember when it started. I certainly don't remember consciously initiating thought as a child. Thinking just seemed to have happened. Spontaneously.

If I don't control or choose these thoughts and they just come out of nowhere, then why the hell should I give them any credibility? They're nothing to do with me, I didn't ask for them. If it wasn't really my choice to take that shower, then it's not a choice at all.

What is listening to the thoughts anyway? That seems pretty important.

« Last Edit: September 20, 2017, 12:22:34 pm by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #19 on: September 21, 2017, 01:29:09 am »
Post It Note #9

What was realised directly yesterday revealed a truth. There was change. It felt uncomfortable at first but then felt as if the volume level of my thoughts had been dialled down a few notches and lost some of their stickiness. Am I really a slave to my thoughts? I woke up this morning for the first time in a long time with significantly less anxiety. I feel this returning now as a degree of uncertainty sets in. I need to sit and contemplate the implications and reinforce understanding otherwise I sense tracks will be covered and it will be back to square one.

Observations: It seems important that the real recipient of the information I type is myself. Writing solidifies understanding, promotes further inquiry and keeps sincerity in check.

Contemplating that 'thoughts just arise' and appreciating the considerable implications can lead to degrees of clarity and understanding. I appreciate the real benefits of direct experience, it can only be that way or it contains no power.

I note that what I doing here is distracting me from digging deeper.

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #20 on: September 21, 2017, 02:14:42 am »
Post It Note #10

Thoughts on judgement.

If my thoughts just arise, not choosing or controlling them but believing them to represent who I am, then I am mistaken. If this process happens in other people then who am I to judge them on the same fundamental misunderstanding? They do as I have always done.

Notes: Thoughts appear to be filtered, some given more value and significance than others. Is that not just conditioning? Ultimately it's all the same misunderstanding.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2017, 02:19:42 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

Jed McKenna

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #21 on: September 21, 2017, 04:55:50 am »
What if this human dream was just one giant misunderstanding? What a treat!

Love ya, Jed.

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #22 on: September 21, 2017, 06:17:37 am »
Thank you, that sounds like something I can trust!

Post It Note #11

Why don't I really, truly and genuinely get this? Why aren't things collapsing under challenge and knowledge?

The thought 'I am dismantling my thoughts' pops into my mind. I start to actually see, really for the first time on a non-intellectual level, that the erroneous perception that what I am is the 'I' in that thought and that the concept of what is associated with it is real. That keeps me stuck. I still identify with it. Non-intellectual, honest, detached observation exposes the bars on the cage.

The 'I' in thought seems not to be able to dismantle itself directly. Weaknesses of thought can be presented in thought if observed correctly, understood and challenged/contemplated. The understanding, in terms of ramifications at a non-intellectual level i.e really getting it, seems to be what will cause change. That's stating the bleeding obvious but has only recently actually become obvious.

I sense to truly 'get' this will take something else outside of thinking. Something like faith and surrender. Or attention whittling it down. Or a mixture. Or maybe a random bomb which drops when it drops ... or not. Attention will happen in the meantime.
 
I realise some of what has gone before has been purely an academic exercise. It's the prodding and poking which is important, not that I'm orchestrating that. It's apparently happening all by itself and outside of any control although I can't really see that properly yet.

I've picked a thread and am unravelling my circus tent going around and around in circles. Either that or I'm trying to feel my way out of a book.

Maybe I'm getting nowhere. I don't know.

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #23 on: September 21, 2017, 03:22:12 pm »
Post It Note #12

If my belief that my thoughts are me is not to be believed, then my only true belief can be that I am nothing. That is all that I sense will remain, no concept of anything and nothing to question. If there is nothing to question, there is no knowledge and nothing to understand, that is the only thing I can truly know.

But I sense myself to be so much more.

Notes:
It seems that all things are conceptual and don't exist.
All the above is still a belief and isn't known.
This may require a leap of faith when there's a big enough gap in the traffic.
Maybe I'm just a lack of anything rather than nothing.

Amusingly, this seems like a maths test where I have to show my working-out, but only I can mark it.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2017, 04:10:02 pm by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #24 on: September 22, 2017, 01:07:08 am »
Post It Note #13

Last night, before I fell asleep and with my eyes closed, I felt a sense of certainty for the first time. The dream like quality of my mind was perceived. There was intense concentration and it was as though mind was being pushed away to reveal space to allow it to be seen. The mind was observed and felt  with an understanding of what it was. The understanding of what my nature is appeared like a sense of intuition and truth. Everything was happening concurrently.

Observing was happening with acceptance and non-intellectual understanding - that's the best I can describe it.

As I write this and try to recall what happened, I know that I am still asleep. These notes act as breadcrumbs back to that place. I have faith that I can fully realise what I am without fear.

Disclaimer: These observations are memories of a dreamer and may not reflect those of who I really am.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2017, 01:38:48 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #25 on: September 23, 2017, 02:18:55 am »
Post It Note #14

I am happy to wake up today with a degree of anxiety and uncertainty as it makes observation easier. I need to look harder.

Observations: I spent much of yesterday with a sense of calm, nothing profound at all but everything was easy. I wasn't able to really key into anything in my mind, it was just too vague. Many thoughts seemed stunted as though they'd been born early with nothing to say. Whilst 'pleasant' it was unproductive.
Driving required more concentration, as if my perception was uncertain.
What thoughts did appear lacked any sort of emotional punch.

Note to self: It's so easy to just go round and round, watching mind, and feel that's some sort of earned progress - just putting in the time and hoping something will happen.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2017, 02:39:18 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2017, 02:57:26 am »
Post It Note #15

What is is about 'I' that forces attention?

Repeating patterns of thought engender familiarity and association and are given a sense of self and identity and subsequent importance.

What needs to be understood to break that?

This happens in mind. Not all thoughts are repeated but it's the transport mechanism for the continuation of identity. It's the mechanism itself which is considered to be the identity.

Result: Anything which happens in mind is considered to have the potential to be important, as it's associated with the 'I', and causes the continual investment of attention.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2017, 03:20:50 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

Jed McKenna

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2017, 03:20:37 am »
Yup.... ;) ;) ;)

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2017, 04:06:50 am »
The 'proving' that you bang on about continuously is so, so important. I'm hitting myself over the head with a hammer. So much has been read but not understood. It seems so obvious it is subsequently ignored. I understand it but don't 'see' it. I have to work things out myself and follow through. The prize is losing myself in a different location in the maze.

Post It Note #16

Thoughts breed emotions which are felt and judged. Once the conceptual attribute of good or bad is assigned to that feeling, there is a seed planted. When the attribute is assigned, it is dependant on environmental conditions. If that thought/emotion is experienced again under similar perceived conditions, the seed will grow and become establish. If it is watered regularly enough it will become a weed - unwanted and growing out of control. Attention, through a continued focus and misunderstanding of what it is, provides the water.

Understanding is the hand removing the weeds. If it is sufficiently strong, the weed is removed.

I must be the soil mistaking myself for the weeds. The soil has always been there, the weeds haven't.

The soil needs to know itself as soil.

The analogy may be tired and clichéd, but it makes total sense now. On reflection, sex was more like a rhizome for me, growing deep underground and sending up multiple shoots - I am so glad to have pulled it up.

Observations:

I will need to drop the concept of what I am as soil but I find it comforting and reassuring though. Maybe I'll rest in it for a short while and feel what it has to offer.
Rather like the weather, I cannot control the environmental conditions in which things grow.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2017, 05:17:38 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2017, 05:31:43 am »
Post It Note #17

I see that the perception of who I am is accidental and adopted entirely subconsciously. At no point have I chosen any of this, it has been thrust upon me but there is nothing to blame, it's the way mind operates. There could have been no other way. I forgive myself for being what I am.

Observations: I notice this is the first time I have every forgiven sincerely and feel a sense of calm reassurance  ... and then I cry. I'm still crying. It's exquisite. Every time I re-read this, I burst into tears.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2017, 05:52:47 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »