INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

The 'work' continues all day, every day. Ego starts up every morning with its reminder of instant suffering/discomfort, for which I am grateful. By the time each evening comes around and having battled all day, the cloud thins more and more. This battle is running itself.

What I have taken myself to be is just thought imagining itself to be me. No me becomes clearer, thought me becomes more and more vague. As the thought me is looked at awareness becomes increasingly aware of itself whilst doing so. I am being slowly erased out of existence.

It's as though I have two modes of vision; looking (contracted awareness observing in-mind) and seeing (relaxed awareness of self)

Why? Because - no reasons apply (this has been very helpful for releasing, Jed - thank you from the bottom of my heart for this gift of acceptance).

I notice mind creating a problem and proving why its a problem with apparent evidence which is itself made up. The problem creates itself and its reality. Beautiful really.

In a similar way I see that the continuation of me/identity has been a self fulfilling prophecy. A belief supported by all manner of 'verification' collected through conditioning and apparent experience woven into on-going story. A Gordian Knot of complexity which is entirely made up.

So there are no blocks, just apparent blocks popping up and pretending they're blocks begging to be believed and invested in. Everything will be left to fizzle out as I open up more.

Everything is becoming more subtle but also clearer. I see 'me' being made up moment to moment. I notice the world and the interpretation of it arising in what I am. Intellectual understanding appears from nothing and disappears back into nothing.

Nothing has any persistence. It's only there when it's noticed.

The only thing which is here all the time is this empty, noticing space.

Try as I might, I can't find a separate thinker/listener/believer of thoughts anywhere. In fact, I can't find a doer of anything - except in thought for which there is no thinker.

So what's going on is what's going on with anything appearing in-mind being invented.

I can't find what I fundamentally am but I am 'here' with no specific location, aware, unmoving, unchanging and borderless.

I cannot possibly be a separate 'me'.

Yesterday evening I was contemplating the observation that I had never made a choice about any thought I'd had. No choice about beliefs, values, answers, understanding .... anything ... All this has just happened, taken to be true/real and limited and veiled everything.

This morning when I awoke and watched 'me' start up, there was clearer understanding and an opening to the possibility that all this limiting mental chatter is not what I am ... including the image of me. Effectively, the genuine sense there's an intruder in the house.

Deeper and deeper, clearer and clearer ...

This morning when I woke up, I started to get a very real sense that there really is no one here. All these thoughts of me don't relate to anyone. There is no separate 'one' who can feel anything, do anything or worry about anything.

Ego always has a habit of trying to reclaiming some sense of reality but relaxation with it, watching and feeling intently (even if it lasts for hours and appears 'unpleasant') rather than contraction around it is happening. There seems to be a period of time where this relaxation of awareness stabilises before more can happen ... which is fine because seemingly it happens incrementally on a daily basis.

This process feels like ego is being wrestled by non-action, understanding and acceptance until it becomes starved, exposed and weak.

Nothing experienced in mind ever happened.

Exactly, but now I know it for sure - this process is all about certainty through experience and observation.

Waking up this morning, thoughts turned into a fountain of bubbles with little catching. There seemed to be a rejection/distancing of thoughts going on with this understanding - they lost a lot of their usual morning pull/believeability/stickiness.