Author Topic: 2000 light years from home  (Read 5085 times)

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #45 on: September 26, 2017, 02:26:46 am »
Post It Note #27

This morning I noticed my first thought is what really 'woke me up'. 'You need to think about this and worry about it' was the general message. I realise this is why I have been sleeping so badly. As soon as a thought arises with sufficient volume, I attach to it and it awakens me from one slumber into another.

I am seeing more and more thoughts of 'this needs doing, that needs doing'. I already know they will get done when they get done. I also notice doing one thing whilst thoughts appear about doing something else. I can see the pointless anguish this brings.

I've had faith, for a few years now, to just allow myself to say what needs to be said without thinking about it, noticing the ease with which this happens. There's always been a feeling of just listening to the words come out. If anything doesn't hold true, it arises as a feeling within me. No other function appears to be any different.

This stage seems to be about breaking habits and recognising myself. Validating and re-validating insights through non-attached observation without re-articulating through thought. That seems to empower thought. I sense this will undermine the habit so it loosens its grip. I remain open to further insights.

I've wasted so much energy, 'investing' it in thinking. No wonder I've been so tired.

I hope to see more of myself.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 03:47:44 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #46 on: September 26, 2017, 02:55:52 am »
Post It Note #28

I notice I'm still holding onto a need for 'progress' - a sense of must, have to, get, time etc. It's more subtle to identify and not shouting at me.

What is there that I lack?

Contemplation establishes it arises from an idea that I can attain myself ('I').

The idea that I lack something appears in mind. The lack of anything, when perceived in mind as an idea, is a fabrication.

If the lack of anything is an illusion then 'I' must already 'have' 'everything'. Maybe 'I' 'am' 'everything' or in fact 'no thing'.

Observations:
Mind perceives 'I' as a thing which can be attained.
In the context of searching to attain, am I really searching for no 'thing'? That would make searching itself ultimately pointless in the context of minds 'understanding' of what can be achieved.
The mind appears to create searching by itself through a sense of lack.

To do:
Investigate the reality of 'things'; no 'thing' can be attained.
Could the ultimate purpose of mind be to search for the 'I' that has been 'lost'? To see through itself? Am I just really hiding from myself waiting to be revealed? How wonderful a game that would be.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 04:40:42 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #47 on: September 26, 2017, 05:32:23 am »
Post It Note #29

Do 'I' trust 'I' completely?

What is stopping me?

It's the attachment to 'things'.

If there are no 'things' then there is nothing to attach to.

What is the nature of 'things'?

I contemplate 'there is nothing to attain'

This 'thing' called enlightenment appears, in mind, and disappears.

Can I give up everything with nothing to gain? I notice I'm projecting again.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 06:01:07 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

Jed McKenna

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #48 on: September 26, 2017, 06:05:10 am »
Stick with it...

Love ya, Jed

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #49 on: September 26, 2017, 01:21:46 pm »
Post It Note #30

Today there's been a relatively significant distancing from thought and observation is a lot easier even when doing things. It's as though I know it's not important. It's lost some gravity.

I've been watching my thinking and the amount of churn is ridiculous. Some things appear interesting and pull me in. I seem to be tuning in to Radio bla bla bla at the moment. Meanwhile, the rest of me seems generally relaxed and calm and I feel settled into that.

If I notice a sensation, I will attend to it and watch it more closely to see what's in it.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 01:26:02 pm by ThereIsOnlyOne »

Jed McKenna

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #50 on: September 26, 2017, 11:08:47 pm »
Sounds like a good plan... go for it.

Love ya, Jed

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #51 on: September 27, 2017, 12:24:12 am »
Post It Note #31

As I mentioned in my original post, there's is an image of 'me' held in mind. It's predominantly my face. It seems to mimic what I believe my face is doing at that time. If I sit in contemplation at my desk with my eyes closed with my hands together, this image is seen. If a degree of fear or unknowing is there, it is represented in the image as a look of concern. It's a constant in the background. It's not insignificant. It's loud and making itself know.

There is a very strong connection between that image and who I believe myself to be.

At the moment it seems to represent effort, struggle and confusion.

On closer inspection, it's mainly eyes and mouth - those aspects which represent my emotional state.

This image seems to be there, sitting in between 'I' and what is seen. I can sense a distortion in perception as I look 'through' it. I am not seeing clearly.

What do I see?

I see the world. I do not see my eyes, my eyes cannot see themselves. I cannot see my mouth. It too is hidden from view. It's obvious that this is an illusion.

I also sense a fear. Fear of what my eyes and mouth are telling other people about me. It seems like a protection mechanism of some kind. Maybe it's ego trying to protect itself - the literal self image of who I believe myself to be.

I need to look harder and observe. What else do I sense?
« Last Edit: September 27, 2017, 12:48:04 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #52 on: September 27, 2017, 01:48:03 am »
Post It Note #32

I also identify with the voice with which mind speaks to 'me'. On inspection, as I type this message and hear it speaking back to 'me', it doesn't sound the same as my physical voice. There are differences.

What is 'my' 'True' voice? What sound does it make?

I contemplate the answer. 'I' make no sound - silence. My authentic sound is silence. If I am to call out to myself, then I must listen for silence. It's the backdrop against everything which is not me is heard.

Maybe emptiness is the backdrop against everything which is not me is seen? If I am to see myself, I must perceive emptiness. I am not seeing authentically. Everything which is perceived as 'something' holds the potential to mistake it as a part of me.

And all other senses - no taste, no touch, no smell. There must be an absence of them to perceive the sense.

I am the lack of sense. I am the lack of anything.

And what about knowing? Maybe if I am to understand myself, I must perceive not knowing.

This is the map to find myself. Now I must follow it.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2017, 02:31:53 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #53 on: September 27, 2017, 03:41:08 am »
Post It Note #33

Observation shows seeing and hearing are my primary senses of attachment. Seeing in particular. I will focus on those. Internal feeling is the tool to guage it. It is also what is driving me forwards.

I close my eyes and see my opponent, standing face to face. It's like 2 boxers squaring up to one other in the ring. When I look away, the round ends. There are no limits on the number of rounds.

I must feel every punch. If I am to claim what is mine, I must obliterate this image of myself.

I sense fear.  And it's the fear of no-self.

I realise the fear of 'no-self' represents all of my fears. There is a sense of calm.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2017, 04:36:40 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #54 on: September 27, 2017, 04:51:07 am »
Post It Note #34

I observe mind is still searching. The search has it's own momentum. Dark corners and deep pockets.

There's more. Identity is holding on.

Jed McKenna.

I contemplate what that represents.

It represents done. A sense of finality, freedom, the end of struggle. Something I don't have. Jealousy. It also represents hope and trust.

Desire still remains. I notice I'm hanging onto 'done'.

I also notice self validation still happening. A need to be liked.

I observe how cathartic this is. Shovelling stuff out of the way, like clearing a path in the snow.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2017, 05:53:34 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #55 on: September 27, 2017, 05:47:45 am »
Post It #35

I look at myself again. The volume has been turned down and it's easier to look. I see self pity. A sure fire way to keep 'me' alive.

Again I look. What I see seems more pathetic. I'm waiting for it to come back with renewed energy and a new weapon.

I think I'll go and rake some leaves.

What other lies am I telling myself. What's my cover story? What am I hiding from myself?

What's causing me to suffer?

Burn the bloody lot.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2017, 11:45:18 am by ThereIsOnlyOne »

Jed McKenna

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #56 on: September 28, 2017, 01:58:08 am »
You are suffering because you are trying to do the impossible.. now tell me what you are trying to do.

Love ya, Jed.

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #57 on: September 28, 2017, 04:53:08 am »
I am 'trying', to avoid who 'I am'.

Jed McKenna

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #58 on: September 28, 2017, 11:37:30 pm »
Sounds like a plan...  but not a great one.

Love ya, Jed

ThereIsOnlyOne

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Re: 2000 light years from home
« Reply #59 on: September 29, 2017, 01:27:55 am »
What is meant is that the act of 'trying' happens in mind to perpetuate the hiding. There can be no trying, only doing in terms of surrender.

There can also be no plan.