Author Topic: Seeking how to effectively apply autolysis to achieve H/A  (Read 348 times)

ollyboon

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Seeking how to effectively apply autolysis to achieve H/A
« on: October 04, 2018, 03:21:02 pm »
Hello Jed,

I am determined to do this Human Adulthood thing. I am ready to really do the work but I am struggling to find how to start, I have read all of your books (some several times over), they suggest using autolysis as the method to go further with the process, however I seem to constantly be talking myself out of the process by feeling like I've already read the last chapter of a book. knowing that none of it is really true anyway, every question seems futile, if I go along it seems like I'm pretending.

There's an angry boy inside of me, which occasionally comes out to blame and shame others. Most of the time I am loving and striving to become more aware. It could be due to a multitude of childhood reasons. I sincerely hope the H/A process will help heal this forever. Another thing is I have strong ADD which often leads to distractions making it hard to focus.

So my question is this: is there a framework/ model/ approach/ contemplation or series of questions available to use as a 'meta-tool' to help keep me focussed throughout this process? Thanks in advance for your response and your gift to humanity. 

with Love, Kindness & Clarity,

Olly
« Last Edit: October 05, 2018, 05:21:34 am by Jed McKenna »

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter


Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Dear Olly:

Thank you for your question and welcome to the forum.

Your mind can quite easily come to the conclusion that nothing is true, and just have you shrug and think things are a waste of time. If S/A doesn't work for you,  that might be just how it is.

S/A is usually written, but once you have written enough it becomes an automaticity... I am sitting in a restaurant in Saigon waiting for my food. Now, is that true... I mean deeply, solid as a rock, totally undeniably true. Let's start with I am here. You can spend a long time on just that one question. I can't locate a here. How about a ''me'' in that mix. Who is this I, me, my mine that appears to be the fulcrum. You can go right out into space in the wonderment of inquiry. It needs to be a habit. You already have habits. How did you develop them?

Love ya, Jed.


ollyboon

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Thank you for your response Jed. it makes sense to break down the immediate of what's right in front of me first as a starting point, perhaps before you figure out who/what is doing the perceiving, then how will you know who/what is being self-digested? How do I delve into subconscious embedded patterns which cause the angry reactions to the ones I love? I'd really like to heal them first. My habits generally develop through repetition, sometimes guided by emotions and/or cravings. So I repeat the process, again and again, to form new patterns is the key? I have a habit or trying to "prove myself" which I recognise and it's ugly I would like to kill it.

There are a few more questions following on I hope you don't mind?
1/ It is better to handwrite the S/A? or would a computer work just as well?
2/ How does it work when examining "others"?
3/ Is it ok to post up my progress here for any feedback and pointers?

Thanks in advance,

Olly

No links per Forum Rules. J.M.


« Last Edit: October 05, 2018, 09:45:08 pm by Jed McKenna »

ollyboon

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Hi Jed, I know this is probably over the limit so please feel free to delete it if needed. I've just tried to destroy my caravan please can take a peek and let me know your thoughts? (still working on the I)

I am sitting in my caravan right now.
Who is I?
I is me...
Who is me?
I don’t know who is me… Who is thinking this? Is that me? Is me generating the thought? i don’t know? Where else would the thought be coming from?

I think thoughts
How do “I” know that “I” think at all? Like Jed said… for all i know i could be a dolphin having a past life regression right now… So who thinks? I don’t know, I know that something thinks.

Something is thinking
What is something? Is there really something? I don’t know? There seems to be… how does I know that something exists? Because I am surrounded by some things… surely that’s enough?

We still haven’t determined the I which is doing the perceiving… is that the me i’m looking for? Who is doing the looking? I am conscious, is that true? Well it certainly seems to be  but first i need to define “conscious” and what does “am” even mean?

“conscious
adjective
aware of and responding to one's surroundings. - this makes sense. Is that true?
I am aware of my surroundings. I am aware, i need something to be aware of and that is my surroundings. Is that a true statement?
having knowledge of something.” I don’t have knowledge of anything only the knowledge that i don’t have knowledge. Does that count?


I am conscious of what? Consciousness? am i conscious of that? No i am experiencing that. But how do i know? Because that’s the only thing i know.

I am peering out of these lenses into the world. I am seeing, but is there more to that? I am seeing, thinking, feeling, hearing and occasionally the odd telepathic experience as well.


SO… back to the original statement I am sitting in my caravan right now… We don’t know that the caravan is true even though it seems to be real “I” I can empirically know that the caravan is here but how can i know that it is really true and genuinely exisits? Because i can touch it? Feel it? They are senses? Can i know that any sense that i experience is actually true? No the are just senses electrical signals. How do i know that they are electrical signals? No i don’t can’t, that’s just me regurgitating **** that i heard in science classes or TV. SO is the caravan real or not? I have no idea. It seems to be? Is seems to be enough? No it is not? So can you know that the caravan is really true? No i definitely can’t not… so can i scratch that off my list? Knowing that the caravan is not true? Maybe? Can you? Yes i think i can, i know that i do not know that the caravan exists.

ollyboon

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
So what is “I”? Is “I” the same as “me”? Who am “I”
Am i the sum total of all of my experiences? No they are just experiences
Am i this moment? No you are not a moment. Am I an just an experience? To some people maybe but are you an experience. “I” is experiencing this, but that doesn’t answer the question what “I” really is. “I is the experiencer”. So that’s a thing which “I” does, it’s still not what or who “I” really is… “I” is consciousness. Consciousness is the experiencer of this moment. Is that true? If “I” = consciousness, then I am the experiencer of this moment should also be true. Well it seems a lot truer than the caravan statement previously. “i am the experiencer” Is that true? Hmmm sounds kinda like a **** superhero but i’ll leave that silliness for Maya’s world. What is an experience? A moment witnesses? Is to witness something to experience it? There could be many varying degrees of experience from one event, but all can be counted as experiences.

Wiki “The word "experience" may refer, somewhat ambiguously, both to mentally unprocessed immediately perceived events as well as to the purported wisdom gained in subsequent reflection on those events or interpretation of them.”

So what is “I”? I is something which experiences? ****, something? Really? Is I something? Well do we know that something exists? Well I know that I exists… don’t I? I don’t even know what I is, so how would I know if it is something? Maybe it’s just an onion and when your peel it back there’s nothing? “I” is an Onion. Is that true? Probably but we’d have to define what is an onion and if an onion really exists.

What is me? and Who am I?
Are these both the same questions?

Sorry for the long post, please feel free to delete them

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Dear O:

Thanks for sharing your journey. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and writing... BUT, and this is a biggie. You have to burrow deeply and persistently. You didn't get a personality in a day and you won't get ''this'' in a day. Take any statement you made, like ''I am in my caravan'' and go deep. Are you absolutely sure that it is true? Could your caravan be in you? Is there really a caravan, or a you? You need to get quite ridiculous (by conventional standards). You have to be prepared to be a raving maniac for Truth. And BE PATIENT. You might make a statement and then come to a conclusion within minutes... then you must question that conclusion, perhaps for days. Be fully prepared to think you are going insane, because sanity appears to be insane to an insane world.

The other pointer, which is surprisingly simple but not easy to do, it SHUT UP..... (don't mean to sound rude). Don't tell anyone what you are doing ... don't speak of it to anyone... well, you can put me on your exception list. There is a very real reason for you not puking all over the place.... keep the energy in YOU.... even though you might find out there is no you. If you feel like you are going to explode, don't worry. I have yet to have a student explode.. other than with joy.

I hope this helps.

Write me anything, but please keep it short and to the point. I will do my best to assist.

Love ya, Jed

ollyboon

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Starting with the point of determining who am i? what is me? what it true? if i continue to work with persistence on that then will the rest of my "negative" patterns with family sort itself out naturally as "i" fall apart? Or will i have to go through them individually but first determining if "other" exists...? Is this the human adulthood process? i want to be careful not to fall into the T/R process. I have an amazing girlfriend who i'm very much in love with and really enjoy our relationship I would like to keep that. If my first priority is to fix my "negative" patterns should i focus on family pattern/trauma stuff first? I hope you can read between my scattered lines and extract what i'm trying to communicate. Many thanks and much love. 

ollyboon

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
S/A Question...
Here's a section which i'm pondering on...

In order to write something that’s true do i first need to establish the existence of something? We’ve determined there is no chair… or have we? we cannot unequivocally know that the chair exists, but does that mean that the chair does not exist? How can i know for certain that the chair does not exist??? How can i know that nothing or anything exists? Well by definition no-thing cannot exist because it is no-thing. How can i know that something/ (that which is not nothing) exists? How can i know that it does not exist just because i cannot know that it exists?

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Got it, now take it to the end point. What can you know? Really know?

Love ya, Jed.

ollyboon

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
If I know that I exist, then I can say without a shadow of a doubt that consciousness exists. “I” has to equal consciousness... It cannot represent anything else other than that. It can manifest however it likes but it’s never anything other than consciousness... So if I = C then what is true? Is that a true statement? I = C? it seems true, i cannot imagine any way how it could not be true.

Who am I? I am consciousness… I can’t argue with that. Then what is my 'personality'? A series of programs which have been developed from experiences? A simulation of self, a universal feedback loop sending back bits of information to itself? What are these programs i’ve been running on? and where did they come from? Because that’s the “I” i tell myself i am everyday and it’s getting very tiring… Let’s go into the anger… “i get angry when someone tells me something i don’t like or something which feels threatening. I get defensive and take the position to blame and shame the other as i think they have wronged me and hence they are in the wrong.” What a bunch of bull ****! Where did that come from? What doesn’t like the thing which other has said? What feels threatened? Because the ‘me’ right now doesn’t feel threatened by anything anyone has ever said. Why does it happen in the moment? what is it that’s reacting? Is it a part of me? No, I am not a program i am C… Where does this go? Who can i kill and how do i kill them?

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
I didn't tell you to figure out something because the only way it could is how it is.... ask IS IT TRUE? You have to beat the crap out of that one. You are trying to reason it out. Doesn't work that way. Is it true that you can't argue with that??? I certainly can. You are trying to reason this out. You are probably pretty bright, please accept my condolences. Intelligence is highly over rated. Universities don't pump out enlightened people... far, far from it.

Do you have a ''personality'', I certainly don't...now, is that true? You DO NOT WANT AN ANSWER.... you sim'ply stay in the place of nothing that follows that questions. Just be with it. Throw out ever answer with the simple question, is that true.

Take you post and follow each sentence with the question. Tell you mind to just shut up and be with the question.... YOU DON'T Care what the answer is because you know that answer, it's always ''Is that true?".  Also, start asking your friends your magic question. Be observant of how disruptive those three words are. Pay attention to how long they hang around. It's a demo of the power of that question.

Love ya, Jed