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A bug
guest1696:
Hi Jed
Let me rant for sometime here. I feel like a vagabond. I have nothing to look up to. I seem to have deep attachment to safety, risk, and corporate. I can sense it. Yet, I'm aware and I can give it away. My body is overgrown. I don't exercise regularly, I eat when Iam bored. I'd rather die than get married and torture someone.
I have read all your books. The trilogy helped me in overcoming my misunderstandings on spirituality. I can see through things now - if someone is motivated by fear. I feel people like a wet sponge. I feel that people consider their self image like a real estate. While it is unsettling to me to have a sense of self image, others find it comforting to have such predictability.
I'm here & I'm bored. I'm constantly in search of motivation.
What is there for me ? What to do with me ? How to make life a little more amusing and interesting ? What would you do ?
guest1696:
Just continuing
I'm a chance : the roles I play were someone else's "inspired" or "absorbed" stuff. Nothing is mine. There is nothing that is Mine. It's all "inherited".
Except the fact that I'm aware and reflecting that something resembles "my awareness", other than that the skin is also a borrowed resource.
I look like my mother,
act like my brother,
shout like my father,
cry like my sister,
act like my neighbour,
try to dress up like an actor (I don't. Used it for rhyming). ;)
I have absorbed your writings alot. So may be I'm trying to look like an enlightened guy in words. I have no clue what iam and who iam. When I wonder - its nothing.
How to detox ?
guest1696:
As per your writings - I'm posing a question to myself.
Can I face death? Theoretically (may be); Practically not sure.
Am I ready to give up this body right here and right now - Definitely not- I'm an attention seeker. I seek attention of the greatest and brightest. Since you are the so called Enlightened guy - so I'm seeking your attention to reinforce my sense of self image. "Subtle psuedo enlightened sense of self image". You are the "GURU".
I'm like "Look at me- give me your attention-pity me - I'm so pathetic me- If you dont pity me or say good things about me - I''ll slander myself more- More masochism - Body a temple of God - Torture God to rain pity and mercy"
My use of attention seeking words is also a tactic to gain attention. How can one be at peace with this beast in bed?
Jed McKenna:
Well.... hello dear unworthy piece of everyone else. Think you are different, special... well you are! Cause I don't just write to anyone, I am very, very selective. (well... not really). Now, tell me, where do you think other people get their ''personality clothing'' from. There is only one market for such things, everyone who doesn't appear to be you is a mini-market selling their own brand of b.s. This means everyone, from parents on down, or up, depending upon your perspective.
Once one reaches adulthood they have a pretty complete and complex wardrobe. The balance of their lives is spent taking care of that wardrobe and fiercely defending anyone who points out their fashion no-nos.
Realizing that you, and everyone else with very few exceptions, are caught up in this game. You sound like you are pretty aware of it and that is great. Now, forgive and let go of everything, including that drama queen you.
Write anytime,
Love ya, Jed.
guest1696:
Hola Jed
I’m going to share a deepest and really fearful experience till date. It was just a glimpse and my mind had posthumously wrapped it with fear.
I have been pondering your writings theoretically and watching excerpts on YouTube. I was pretty buzzed with your vocabulary. That was my first bad trip of cannabis. Guess who had a night mare ?
Every thought of mine got smashed into pieces. I couldn’t complete, no ground, nothing. Blank nothing.
Then I remembered you and Brett - asked if this was true ?
Truth : the thought of it alone stayed - Gods, Parents, Society , Me , Body everything went away.
I felt everything was an assumption.
Nothing is really a thing - but assumption at some level. I felt I could die right there.
Funnily I was reminded of my mother and how she will cry if my name came in news paper in the obituary. It didn’t matter much - as much I tried to attach importance.
I was reminded of my personal ego - how disrespectful I would be to myself if I died there. That was the nail in the coffin. Well fear rose.
Since then my ego is keeping me away from any serious truth talk or mind altering stuff.
It portrays that memory in negative shades - “what could have happened.”
I know as I see it now - in more clarity, that it was a certain loss of control over senses. My ego conveniently extrapolated it to Death 💀
And the interesting part was I didn’t have any basis or the rock to hold on to.
I could have drifted
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