Author Topic: A bug  (Read 789 times)

guest1696

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A bug
« on: September 18, 2018, 10:47:22 am »
Hi Jed
Let me rant for sometime here. I feel like a vagabond. I have nothing to look up to. I seem to have deep attachment to safety, risk, and corporate. I can sense it. Yet, I'm aware and I can give it away. My body is overgrown. I don't exercise regularly, I eat when Iam bored. I'd rather die than get married and torture someone.

I have read all your books. The trilogy helped me in overcoming my misunderstandings on spirituality. I can see through things now - if someone is motivated by fear. I feel people like a wet sponge. I feel that people consider their self image like a real estate. While it is unsettling to me to have a sense of self image, others find it comforting to have such predictability.

I'm here & I'm bored. I'm constantly in search of motivation.

What is there for me ? What to do with me ? How to make life a little more amusing and interesting ? What would you do ?

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guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2018, 10:56:56 am »
Just continuing

I'm a chance : the roles I play were someone else's "inspired" or "absorbed" stuff. Nothing is mine. There is nothing that is Mine. It's all "inherited".

Except the fact that I'm aware and reflecting that something resembles "my awareness", other than that the skin is also a borrowed resource.
I look like my mother,
act like my brother,
shout like my father,
cry like my sister,
act like my neighbour,
try to dress up like an actor (I don't. Used it for rhyming).  ;)

I have absorbed your writings alot. So may be I'm trying to look like an enlightened guy in words. I have no clue what iam and who iam. When I wonder - its nothing.

How to detox ?

guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2018, 11:13:41 am »
As per your writings - I'm posing a question to myself.
Can I face death?  Theoretically (may be); Practically not sure.
Am I ready to give up this body right here and right now - Definitely not- I'm an attention seeker. I seek attention of the greatest and brightest. Since you are the so called Enlightened guy - so I'm seeking your attention to reinforce my sense of self image. "Subtle psuedo enlightened sense of self image". You are the "GURU".

I'm like "Look at me- give me your attention-pity me - I'm so pathetic me- If you dont pity me or say good things about me - I''ll slander myself more- More masochism - Body a temple of God - Torture God to rain pity and mercy"

My use of attention seeking words is also a tactic to gain attention. How can one be at peace with this beast in bed?

Jed McKenna

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Re: A bug
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2018, 02:14:36 am »
Well....  hello dear unworthy piece of everyone else. Think you are different, special... well you are! Cause I don't just write to anyone, I am very, very selective. (well... not really). Now, tell me, where do you think other people get their ''personality clothing'' from. There is only one market for such things, everyone who doesn't appear to be you is a mini-market selling their own brand of b.s. This means everyone, from parents on down, or up, depending upon your perspective.

Once one reaches adulthood they have a pretty complete and complex wardrobe. The balance of their lives is spent taking care of that wardrobe and fiercely defending anyone who points out their fashion no-nos.

Realizing that you, and everyone else with very few exceptions, are caught up in this game. You sound like you are pretty aware of it and that is great. Now, forgive and let go of everything, including that drama queen you.

Write anytime,

Love ya, Jed.


guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2018, 09:21:16 am »
Hola Jed

I’m going to share a deepest and really fearful experience till date. It was just a glimpse and my mind had posthumously wrapped it with fear.

I have been pondering your writings theoretically and watching excerpts on YouTube. I was pretty buzzed with your vocabulary. That was my first bad trip of cannabis. Guess who had a night mare ?

Every thought of mine got smashed into pieces. I couldn’t complete, no ground, nothing. Blank nothing.

Then I remembered you and Brett - asked  if this was true ?
Truth : the thought of it alone stayed - Gods, Parents, Society , Me , Body everything went away.
 I felt everything was an assumption.

Nothing is really a thing - but assumption at some level. I felt I could die right there.

Funnily I was reminded of my mother and how she will cry if my name came in news paper in the obituary. It didn’t matter much - as much I tried to attach importance.

I was reminded of my personal ego - how disrespectful I would be to myself if I died there. That was the nail in the coffin. Well fear rose.

Since then my ego is keeping me away from any serious truth talk or mind altering stuff.

It portrays that memory in negative shades - “what could have happened.”

I know as I see it now - in more clarity, that it was a certain loss of control over senses. My ego conveniently extrapolated it to Death 💀

And the interesting part was I didn’t  have any basis or the rock to hold on to.

I could have drifted

Jed McKenna

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Re: A bug
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2018, 02:25:05 am »
Hi A:

Thanks for sharing. Sometimes it helps to talk about it. However, drugs are more of the problem than the answer. You may have touched the ''hem of God's cloak'' but only in passing and certainly not permanent. Find a technique, one that suits you, and stick with it.

Write me anytime.

Love ya, Jed.


guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2018, 06:16:51 am »
Such a deep depth - and emptiness
There is no depth because there is no basis of height.
Yes, the so called experience flew away, for good.

I feel less settled than before. May be a part of me fried up. It’s neither good nor bad. I’m wearing a costume - a looser one than before. The glue is slightly weak - or so it appears.

I remember “I”. I remembered asking questions on who is me , what is me.

There is no stable me - yet it’s ok. I can look at fears. I can talk aloud. Just a little grown up that way. But not done.

Fear of unknown exists. I’m yet to decipher and see my exact fear. Let me see.

Many things do not matter as they did long ago.

guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2018, 06:18:18 am »
Or may be I’m wearing a Jed like costume - *a charlatanic chameleon*- while writing down all this . Hehe

Jed McKenna

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Re: A bug
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2018, 06:47:57 am »
As long as a body appears a costume will be one it. Just that way. However, one can see through that costume on self and others.... obviously on self is the priority.

Love ya, Jed.

guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2018, 09:25:33 am »
Thank you Jed.

Seeing one’s own situation is a priority.

Writing things down is surprisingly helping. I was not very conscious of my boundaries - limitations. As soon as I put my views on paper 📝 it did show some interesting circles of thought.

I’m using this tool for clarity. I felt I had a ground again. I’m way deep in sleep - semi conscious and too comfortable in my skin 😴 Haven’t realised it - but wondering and slowly gently rocking myself to wakefulness. 🤥

Writing down works for more clarity. My costume says I shouldn’t slander anyone including me - as it releases pain inducing Chemicals in my bountiful beautiful body. Sugar coat everything. Spread love 💖 and never cause pain and affliction to you or others around you. Such a beautiful sermon I say - no wonder I ingested many spiritual sutras from ....

Doesn’t matter.

Jed McKenna

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Re: A bug
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2018, 12:06:56 am »
You're right, it doesn't matter.... but all good anyways.

Love ya, Jed

guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2018, 03:43:06 pm »
I don’t know what to do with these gifts. I have a good body, fairly analytical mind, a heart motivated by kindness.

I’ll figure something out. Gnite !

Jed McKenna

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Re: A bug
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2018, 12:24:16 am »
Enjoy.....

 ::) ::) ::) ::) ;)

guest1696

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Re: A bug
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2018, 07:38:25 am »
I failed to attract what I want. I always go the opposite direction. There is resistance - why does that happen and how to fix it and attract what I want?

Thoughts Jed ?

Jed McKenna

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Re: A bug
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2018, 12:01:30 am »
There is only one ''want'' that is worthy of work and is always available. All other wants are disguised version of it.

You tell me what it is.

Love ya, Jed.