Author Topic: AJ  (Read 427 times)

AJ

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AJ
« on: September 02, 2014, 11:06:16 am »
Hi Jed,

From the time I was a young teenager I’ve been obsessed with self-help books about almost anything (except knitting I guess). As I got older I went to university, got a PhD in sciences and worked in a large pharmaceutical company for the next 12 years until the company shut down about 1.5 years ago.

The last few years at the company where hell for me. I was totally sick of the 9-5 mindless rat race, being told what I can and cannot do from people I had stopped respecting, no vision or focus, I was basically prostituting myself for the money, living for the weekends and for vacations. I was probably going to suffer a heart attack… so I planned my escape from this soul-sucking environment that I had once called a career … but luckily the company shut down instead.

Here’s a list of some of the writings and authors that have had an impact on my beliefs (in no particular order): Butterflies Are Free To Fly, Sadhguru, The Secret, some Robert Scheinfeld, The Power of Now, trying to conceptualize quantum mechanics and Jed McKenna’s of course. I have a conceptual understanding that goes like this: all beliefs are attachments to the ego and based in fear. Judgements and emotions occurring day to day are pointers to those beliefs… my happiness and suffering are dependent on these beliefs...

The one question I’m really struggling with, now for 3-5 years, is “what do I really want?” I simply don’t know what I want. I already have the house, car, kids, wife, exotic vacations, hobbies, electronic toys, etc. I have tried, through the process of writing, to figure out what I truly want but I keep coming up empty handed. It seems there's nothing that I want. Yet, I'm ready these spirituality books... I can't figure it out.

AJ
« Last Edit: September 24, 2014, 01:59:49 am by AJ »

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Jed McKenna

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Re: Araz
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2014, 01:11:30 pm »
Dear Araz:

You answered your own question 'you want nothing'. All that you think you have, owns you. That's very important, it ALL owns you. Each tiny 'valuable' occupies a small part of your mind which part would prefer to be free.

I'm not advocating throwing it all away, just awareness and detachment. If there is anything in your life that you would miss, you are stuck there. Awareness goes a long way. You are in a prison of your own making. Attachment is the lock and non-attachment the key. What can you release on? Always start small.

One of the biggest challenges is attachment to 'loved' ones. I could ramble on for quite a while about human love, but suffice to say it really doesn't exist in the way that we assume it does.

Of course, your attachments are in all in your head, but I'll leave that for another day. Love ya, Jed.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2014, 01:47:40 pm by Jed McKenna »

AJ

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Re: AJ
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2014, 06:38:11 am »
Dear Jed,

I understand very well when you say “you are in a prison of your own making”. I became aware of my prison walls a few years ago during my breakdown at the company I was working at.

As I became more and more aware, some of the attachments, that used to define me, started to break. I didn’t actively try to detach… but just by becoming aware of them. Looking back today, I see how far I have come and how silly it was to define myself based on those things. I also see how people around me are in their own prisons of their making, some more obvious than others.

The reason I know that I have broken some of my previous attachments is because I don’t have an emotion response to those beliefs anymore. I know I still have many beliefs left but I don’t feel imprisoned by them as much as I used to…

So my question to the universe is still the same. What do I want? Not in terms of acquiring more things or beliefs but what am I supposed to do with my life?

AJ
« Last Edit: September 24, 2014, 02:00:39 am by AJ »

Jed McKenna

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Re: Araz
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2014, 07:52:53 am »
Thanks for your sincere sharing:

What do you want and what to do with your life? Well, you probably already have what you want because it's what you already have and you are probably doing what you want to do with your life because it's what you are already doing.

Bull **** answer, but there is significant truth in it. What specifically do you want to change about yourself or your life? If you don't know, that's o.k., but your too smart for that B.S., you know and are hiding. You can fool yourself forever, but you can't fool me. It's there, but are you willing to let it be other than you think it should be???

Balls in your court, literally and figuratively. Love ya, Jed.