Yes no point doing the same if you're not having fun. For a long time enlightenment was what I was seeking. On that journey I had some powerful spiritual experiences which although didn't bring about an awakening at least showed me that everything I needed and was seeking was already inside me. Then I read your books and started looking at enlightenment as truth realisation. I thought TR was what I was after but at times you present it as something desirable and at other times something not so desirable. That's fine but you say once you have woken up from the dream there is no going back. So I guess if I attained TR and found out I actually preferred being asleep then I'd just have to accept being TR and make the most of that. Why I am at this point of doubt and hesitation is because this has been a theme throughout my life. Whenever I have had a choice to change job, city, country or home it has caused me so much angst as I don't know if I'm going to prefer it or not. So I tend to put down safety nets and travel down both roads simultaneously as long as I can. Sometimes for years unbelievably! Inevitably neither works out as I'm not committed to one or the other. This is probably why I am currently stuck in no man's land as I can't commit to either being asleep or awake. I need to reflect more on what you said about preference just being a thought process. That was what all the spiritual training I did in ashrams and monasteries boiled down to for me - not having a preference - accepting each moment as it is.