Author Topic: Breezer  (Read 1247 times)

bree

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Breezer
« on: April 27, 2017, 02:04:51 pm »
Hi Jed,
~$@ ~
Hope you are well. I'm gonna post on this thread only from now on. You need not reply.

It's been a while since I wrote to you. I firmly believe that I exist and willing to go to any extent to prove you wrong if you say I don't exist. I believe you exist as well.

Iam a believer to the core. I believe in many things , good and bad . Iam a bit masochistic person with a bit of psychotic sadism . No I don't make people cry intentionally. But I think crying or sadness is a very genuine emotion. It is rock solid, than fleeting states of happiness.

I like genuine people. Iam a genuine person as well.

I love myself. I love myself like my motherly figure would have loved me. I feed my body a lot of food and keep it safe from the world. I don't risk too much , because Iam afraid that this body might get hurt and die. There is a fear of suffering a painful death, heart attack, and poverty. There is a greater fear imagined from **** scenes from movies and channels. I'm living with interesting and unexamined fears.

Until next time, thanks and love you too.
Jeddai

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Jed McKenna

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2017, 12:04:17 am »
Back at ya Bree.

Love ya, Jed.

bree

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2017, 12:35:37 pm »
I'm experiencing deep sadness. I'm feeling stuck in a ring of pleasure and pain. I feel that I'm not worthy of living. I'm not fulfilling my life's destiny. I'm compromising with my inner spirit. I'm unable to get clarity of where Iam and what is important - basically what is to be followed?

I'm a clueless leader and an arrogant follower. I like to create art ( a deep seated fear is associated with the idea of procreation). I'm suffering with bad memory and lapses in thoughts.

Need a break from the madness ! :-X :-[ ??? :( >:(

Jed McKenna

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2017, 01:59:13 am »
Your beliefs are causing your grief... but you don't want to give them up, hence the grief is going to continue.

Love ya, Jed.

bree

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2017, 10:56:49 pm »
I was afraid of making enemies, making people angry, losing love, dying in pain, unpleasant emotions. I want to change my beliefs and examine them. I think I'm not doing that properly. I want to be useful - Whatever thoughts I generate - there is a judge in my mind that rejects the thought. The bar is set so high. I'm dying.

Infact what I said above is not true. My mind just told me. They change - and are not set to stone. So, might as well not take them seriously.

But what is it that doesn't change ? Let me tell you another answer from the mind. The fabric in which all the drama of my life happens. I could only believe that it doesn't change. Nothingness is constant. Means whatever something is - it is not constant. The definitions fade over time - or stay as long as they are powered somehow.

Not the reasons stated above, for reasons and indications better than that. But the process of integrating and disintegrating has begun.

How to move further in terms of H/A or Truth ?
« Last Edit: May 14, 2017, 11:22:17 pm by bree »

Jed McKenna

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2017, 07:34:24 am »
Good... let it do its work.


Love ya, Jed.

bree

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2017, 11:15:05 pm »
Hi Jed,

I removed perceiver from the perception. It's all perception. What is the perceiver - but a memory powered with amazing high moments got from perception ?

I see this body as a perception machine. In few instances the wiring had been so good and in sync with the perception , that there was an electric focus. The perceiver dearly seeks to re-enact that memory and ignores all perception.

Removing the perceiver and it's memories by condensing into a size of a small black pearl (Imagination).

There is a lot of work to be done on the body just to make it addictive and awesome , says the perceiver again. The high of a focussed attention is damn good.

What further ? More watching

Jed McKenna

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2017, 11:34:37 pm »
 :P :P :P

bree

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2017, 11:27:45 pm »
I'm writing down what I think is as truth. There are many stories that are acting as filters to what is - the present. It's as if the present is looked at with huge tainted glasses with distortive lenses. The past had a great hold over my future. There was a repetitive pattern of emotional responses formed in childhood.

A sense of humour that was lost , because life has to be taken very very seriously. Because I don't want to be a joke. I don't want people to laugh at me. I don't want to be a laughing object. I want respect, adoration, adulation. I shouldn't be treated like a **** like many get treated. Respect is powerful. It can protect. My ideas of respect and survival got very close - that I began associating respect with survival.

What happens when someone doesn't respect me ? May be I should put it this way... What happens when someone whom I consider as an important person doesn't respect me as I want him/her to respect me? What happens when I don't get the respect I care to get from a certain someone and I don't get it. What if someone kills me because I don't hold any importance for them in their life ?

Still writing it .. "further"

Jed McKenna

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2017, 12:32:32 am »
You are changing my words... I am very specific, write something that is true... not ''as truth''.

You asked, ''What happens when someone doesn't respect me ? May be I should put it this way... What happens when someone whom I consider as an important person doesn't respect me as I want him/her to respect me? What happens when I don't get the respect I care to get from a certain someone and I don't get it. What if someone kills me because I don't hold any importance for them in their life ?''

I'll tell you exactly what happens... your stories, memories and concepts (all lies) are confronted and shown for that they are, and that upsets you. You should be ecstatic in having these exposed.

Love ya, Jed.

bree

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2017, 12:02:37 am »
What is true is something that is unchanging always - stayed. I can't say anything more than that.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2017, 12:05:36 am by bree »

bree

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2017, 12:26:13 pm »
The idea of "Me". What Iam is the totality of this existence as perceived by me from this point of view. When I try to give it up - it means I'm giving up the rules and theories about how things work. IAM THE SUM TOTAL OF THIS EXISTENCE AS SEEN FROM THIS POINT OF VIEW.

What next ?

I said "this" point of view. This I know for sure - as I perceive this reality every moment. However, I don't know to whom I should surrender. And what should I surrender.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2017, 12:35:33 pm »
Thanks for sharing... but it's just a bunch of blah, blah.

WAY to much ''I'' in it all. You are full of yourself and afraid to admit there is nothing to you, nothing at all.

Face your fears and quit dancing around them.

Love ya, Jed.

bree

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #13 on: June 08, 2017, 03:07:37 am »
Thanks for the answer Jed.

Were you influenced by Ayn Rand philosophy of Objectivism in your journey to truth? It resonates more with what I need now , than Nisarga or Ramana.
 
I think every instance that I'm coming across in my journey could point to truth in someway. Your books came to me at the right time, when I was getting confused with definitions of spiritual enlightenment. Now objectivism seems to point me to mind my own business.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2017, 03:09:11 am by bree »

Jed McKenna

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Re: Breezer
« Reply #14 on: June 09, 2017, 03:26:58 am »
Always a good idea to mind your own business... at least until you realize there is nothing to mind.  :o :o :o ::) ::) 8) 8) 8)

Love ya, Jed.