I'm writing down what I think is as truth. There are many stories that are acting as filters to what is - the present. It's as if the present is looked at with huge tainted glasses with distortive lenses. The past had a great hold over my future. There was a repetitive pattern of emotional responses formed in childhood.
A sense of humour that was lost , because life has to be taken very very seriously. Because I don't want to be a joke. I don't want people to laugh at me. I don't want to be a laughing object. I want respect, adoration, adulation. I shouldn't be treated like a
**** like many get treated. Respect is powerful. It can protect. My ideas of respect and survival got very close - that I began associating respect with survival.
What happens when someone doesn't respect me ? May be I should put it this way... What happens when someone whom I consider as an important person doesn't respect me as I want him/her to respect me? What happens when I don't get the respect I care to get from a certain someone and I don't get it. What if someone kills me because I don't hold any importance for them in their life ?
Still writing it .. "further"
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