INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Yes, I realize that suffering is only a story that things should be different than they are.
And that suffering and disgust are a Class One motivator and to be embraced with love.
A motivator for what?

Perfect answer!
If I ask myself what was really missing in my life so that I started to search again and again after some regenerating breaks, hm, what appears as answer?
It's about fear. The amount of fear in my life and how this disturbed my natural physical and emotional state, was simply not optimal. This leaded to dissatisfaction, and if I refused to do anything about, it leaded to disgust and finally suffering.
Trying to be satisfied with my state of living didn't really work. Then my mind argued: "Oh, you should be satisfied. Look at all the things you own!" And the mind was not wrong about this, but not conscious of this fear of losing and how it bothered this dreamt being. It looks like especially in the last years I was trying to arrange myself with a non optimum state of being. I tried to declare: "The search is over, I am going to stay in jail".
Unfortunately I could not feel comfortable in jail like others do, inner pressure was arising. The body wants emotional release.
Is it better to come to terms with what is? Even if it is not the optimum? How can I know what is the optimum?

Good question!
Yes, optimum sounds like ever-lasting bliss. No, that's not what I mean. Optimal is not to be an emotional slave hold down by fear, not to be a sheep in the herd following others, not fighting to survive because of b.s. beliefs. Free and natural breathing whatever comes.

Yes, that's an obvious question. I am wondering myself. It sounds so simple.
Looks like the autonomic nervous system does not work naturally. Especially when triggered by emotions triggered by thoughts and beliefs (a mind full of b.s. so to say). So I am looking for a way to get back to natural flow.
Some symptoms like headache, physical fatigue and others show me the way like reminders to get back to top priority: Full body breathing. And get cured from this sickness to take things too serious, giving it all too much importance (unconsciously).
Well, the question is not: Why do I not breathe naturally? But: How do I breathe naturally automatically?
I could say it's all because I slided into a situation I always feared it could happen one day (total loss of primary importances like job, relationship, health). But is that true?

There's nothing wrong with stories, of course. How can anything be wrong in this dreamstate?
It's weird if I ask myself again what is (and was) missing in my life and what is disturbing my natural breathing.
I simply just imagine that the thought things are not as they should be would vanish in the haze.
What would change then?

When I asked the last question I started to answer it but then got an impulse to wait and look for what life will show me on some forthcoming days of travel.
Well, it is a great relief if this thought that things should be different is deactivated.
Which does not mean that there is no impulse to change this or that. But there is no problem whatever appears, even a problem is no longer a problem, it's more some kind of task, or a played problem. Like an actor, who plays the role to solve a problem, enjoys his role (or simply does his work to do with the necessary commitment).

Today my body feels like spewed out. If the thought that this is wrong would be deactivated it would be much easier to handle then with all the stupid drama-creating Why-questions arising in the mind.
What is true? There never exists any problem, never did and never will be!
"Normal" dreamt characters will shake their heads and find a lot of reasons to argue against it.
It's up to the context. With the realization that life is a virtual play, a dream, a simulation, how can there really be a problem?
The task may be: How does it feel to have a problem. But can it really happen?
It looks like in my case of dream the task to solve (by no-one) was to answer this question. What now?

A day can be very hard just seeing it from the ego perspective. So hard that the resistance falls to view it from the other side, from true nature, the nothingness that contains everything. Then it's no longer something that happens to me but in me and I am the creator so to say in all humility.
Some days ago I was told truth is ugly, but no, I cannot agree, it's wonderful. Not because of great emotions but because of some kinda still deep gratitude. Of course, it depends on experiences. A baby loves truth but does not know anything about it. Further!

Thank you, I am grateful for every advice about what is important.
I see, this appearing world is built on If...thens...  and no "If" is true, it's played true. So all "true" is dependent on untrue context.
Sometimes these days a thought appears that I am just a bad actor. But on the other side with a changed context my role may have been just to find out: How can I get a stable connection to the source of it all, my true nature, awareness?
Am I moving backwards?
Hey, definitely, because that's the way. Reverse engineering. What is the main thing that has to be reversed? Denial of no-self, or denial of false-self?