Author Topic: confused  (Read 2439 times)

phruitea

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confused
« on: November 22, 2017, 12:41:36 am »
How do I live life without a story? And I find I'm searching for sex a lot now in women, what am I really looking for?

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Jed McKenna

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Re: confused
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2017, 08:14:09 am »
Just a distraction to take your mind off the fact that you are living a life of quiet desperation.

Love ya, Jed.

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2017, 11:07:18 pm »
I find it hard not to be quite desperate. Maybe what I want right now is to live quiet and desperately. The stories I have now are how I was raised strictly and quieted by my parents, that I won't amount to much, that I'll end up alone, and that I'll be doing the same job for the rest of my life. How do I stop telling myself these stories? I think they're the reason behind me living quiet and desperately.
« Last Edit: November 22, 2017, 11:49:34 pm by phruitea »

Jed McKenna

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Re: confused
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2017, 08:27:05 am »
There as some very effective ways of ''undoing'' those past stories. I teach then in the Series, but it requires some time, dedication and guidance. One of the keys is you (in a sense) got yourself in this situation and from the perspective of that same ''self'' is very challenging to see through your stories. It's a little like asking your jailor for a way to escape. He won't be so inclined.

For now, understand that none of them are real.. that's why they are called ''stories''.

Until later, further.

Love ya, Jed.

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2018, 01:59:06 am »
I feel scared going off my meds as well as feel confined to staying on them Jed. I'm coming to a better place where it doesn't matter whether I'm on them or not. What are you thoughts?
« Last Edit: January 10, 2018, 02:05:53 am by phruitea »

Jed McKenna

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Re: confused
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2018, 02:30:13 am »
My thoughts are few and far between. Listen to you own thoughts and ideas. You have everything you need right now and right where you are. You need no one else and nothing else.

Love ya,  Jed.

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2018, 03:08:33 am »
I feel I致e been asleep, not just because of my meds but I now am noticing how far behind i am compared to many people. In your stories you mentioned how others were zombies, well I知 a zombie. I think I知 starting to wake up but who knows how long that値l take. I知 scared I値l be running the same circles my whole life... how do I know when I go a step further? I just need something to keep me going

Jed McKenna

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Re: confused
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2018, 06:13:11 am »
Why not just stop your searching. It's time to give up trying, to let go of all you ideals of what is to be achieved. Those are stories in your head. If you want to go further STOP all trying to go further.

Love ya, Jed.

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2018, 01:13:07 pm »
So you're saying that enlightenment or h/a (idk) doesn't led you anywhere, that there's no specific manifestation to it, no good health, no financial abundance, no women, just you? That pretty much means I could be enlightened at any time as long as I stop chasing right? So this is it. It's quite disappointing. Just being fat, isolated, whatever. just enjoy it right? Sigh, I guess what else is there to do?

Jed McKenna

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Re: confused
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2018, 11:07:17 pm »
Yup, when it's all entertainment then what else is there to do but enjoy it.

Love ya, Jed.

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #10 on: April 02, 2018, 08:55:14 pm »
Jed, is me trying not to be anybody and my desire to abdicate control and give up free will done out of fear of making decisions or commitments? Lately my thoughts have been about surrender and futility in resisting things here and there.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2018, 12:12:23 am by phruitea »

Jed McKenna

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Re: confused
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2018, 12:23:01 am »
Could be, or it could be arising from the fear that you really have no control over anything.

Love ya, Jed.

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2018, 10:51:32 pm »
I think I still am just doing things to avoid feeling a certain way and being responsible. I'm awaiting for something to make decisions for me, like leaving it into God's hand to decide my future. I trust little in myself anymore. This is kind of where I'm at right now. My main question I ask myself is "How do I escape this?" So I guess the next question should be "What am I running from?" Fear? Emptiness? I'm not quite sure. And also, I just realized, are peace and emptiness equivalent to you?
« Last Edit: April 04, 2018, 10:59:26 pm by phruitea »

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2018, 12:17:36 pm »
I think I have repressed a lot of things in concern what will happen when they're let out. My thoughts betray me, I think I lie to myself a lot. I really need to write things out I think because when I do it's starkly different to what I'm thinking. I feel like I'm just being repetitive like journaling not like Spiritual Autolysis like you mention. I feel like I don't know myself anymore with all this bs I put up to fit in with other people. And I can't stop it. What will put me over the edge Jed? I feel like I'm more dramatic than other people because I have to hide it all and although there's nothing on the outside there's an internal mess.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2018, 12:26:46 pm by phruitea »

phruitea

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Re: confused
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2018, 12:37:35 pm »
How do I realize that the I's that I write down aren't truly me?