Author Topic: Cosmic's Thread  (Read 513 times)

Cosmic323

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Cosmic's Thread
« on: September 17, 2014, 03:15:57 pm »
Hello,

I am Cosmic aka Tre. Just letters of the alphabet or sounds made by vibrating vocal cords and nothing more.

I am starting this thread to participate in the forum and keep track of my progress, or perhaps regress is the more appropriate term. More words.

I briefly thought about introducing myself, talking about how I got to where I am, and the usual hoopla. Then I remembered that myself, who I am, where I come from, etc. is exactly what I am here to break free from! Hi, I am ego. Nice to meet you! Introducing my false self is just a waste of time.

My next post will launch right into why I am here now and the next gate I need to smash through.

Thank you for allowing me to participate in the forum.

Regards,

Tre

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Cosmic323

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Un-Truth Un-Realization
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2014, 05:19:15 pm »
I thought I knew the Truth. There are an incredible number of things that are false about the previous sentence alone. The most important of which is that there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path, to quote Morpheus. After painstaking hours, months and a year of reading, writing, revising, condensing, and dismantling, I reached a point where I knew I Am Consciousness. Consciousness is a funny word, because it gets wrapped up with mind and my consciousness or your consciousness. I knew I Am Cosmic Spirit. The one truth thing from which all things manifest. Brahman. The Nuomenon. The Absolute. The Ultimate. The All. What have you. Ask me who I am. I am that. I am.

So why didn't I feel it? Why don't I feel it....I should say. There I go with should and shouldnt my self. Past is the past. Why dont I feel it now, this very moment? Because "I" "know" the truth. Which is just a fancy, stuck up, egotistical way of saying, Ego knows what it will kill it, thus it is avoiding it, because it knows it.

Ego knows the path and that it why ego is not walking the path. Ego knows where it leads. To its own demise. It is avoiding it for that very reason. Knowing Truth (Egoic Knowledge) is not Being Truth.

This all just hit me today. And for the 1st time since I began reading the trilogy just over a year ago, I understand Un-Truth Un-Realization. Enlightenment is not about dis-covering the Truth. Ironically that is the easy part. That which cannot be simpler. Un-dis-covering, un-learning, un-knowing, un-believing, all the false crap I believe, and think I know on a daily basis that affects my moods, my thoughts, my feelings.....wow that it alot of my's!...that affect mood, thought, feeling, all of which themselves are equally false mind you! That is where the hard work really lies.

As these words are being typed, Incorrect, is begin to become clearer...clearing out the clutter. The fakeness. The phonyness. I am know who I thought I am, even though what I am is that all that there truly is. I approached SA like a logician, dealing only with the external world. Space, Time, Energy, Matter, Physics, Objects, Relativity, Absolutism......the question is always the same....outside?....the answer....yes! Not-yes! Inside is where the battle really takes place. C knows that now. C-Rex! Not I. C!

Anyway....so it begins.

Cosmic323

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Fears
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2014, 06:31:19 pm »
Let's begin with Fear shall we? The other day I listed 12 things that ego is afraid of. C will start using ego instead of I. This will be kind of difficult and C just noticed that I was mentioned in the previous sentence already. C stands for Consciousness/Awareness. C is trying to stop using I to refer to C. Lets see how that works out!

Back to fear. C listed 12 things that I = Ego is afraid of. The goal of the next 12 posts will be to systematically demonstrate how each fear has absolutely no basis in reality.

The 12 Fears are: (in no particular order, and written before C adopted the whole not I thing, which just happened just now actually.)
I am afraid…
1. that I am wasting my life
2. that I will never find someone to love
3. that I will be overweight my entire life
4. that I will be lonely for my entire life
5. that my life has no purpose or meaning
6. that I will never be happy
7. that I will never overcome my addictions
8. of dying poor
9. that I will regret my life
10. of being rejected by people that I desire to connect with and form relationships with
11. of failing at tasks and goals that I want to succeed at
12. that no one will ever love me

Let the hacking begin!

Cosmic323

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Fear #1: I am wasting my life
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2014, 06:51:00 pm »
C knows that as long as Ego is active, it will be afraid, and the material organism known as Tre will bear the physical burdens of stress, anxiety, depression etc that goes along with the experience of not living in alignment with the universe.

I am C is life itself. How can it be a waste? It is only ego not getting what it wants, and getting what it does not want, that identifies with life as a waste. Life is. Waste is not. Waste is egoic repulsion and the pushing away of what is undesired. That never ending struggle of repulsion against the undesired, the waste of energy fighting against the current, that is the wasted life.

AC is reintegrating itself with BC. It is a process. It takes time on this side of things. AC = BC but Ego = I is in the way. I = AC = BC. Remember that! Life is not a waste. Life is a trip! Enjoy the view!

I am afraid of wasting my life? I am life living itself. Who is this I and my? I am afraid of wasting my life? Ego is afraid of not being control of life, of not having life conform and contort to the way it wants life to be. Life is. Ego doesnt exist. Control is an illusion. The apple that falls from the tree has no control over its decent. The law of gravity controls it. This does not bother the apple. The movement of this man through the world is controlled by the cosmic laws. This bothers the ego. But C is not E. Remember that Ego does not exist and its a manifestation of attraction and repulsion, and AC becomes BC. If only for an instant. Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

C is experiencing I am life living itself. Fear of a wasted life is ego losing its grip. This fear could even be seen as motivational to C. The little bastard speaks through the fear of an unconscious wasted life. Keep moving forward. Journey of many steps, each step a journey in itself.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2014, 12:54:59 am »
Dear C:

Thank you and welcome. I notice in your 12 fears there were 11 'I's and 1 'me'. Seem like you problem is staring you in the face. Just my take. What do you logically make of it.

By the way, logic is a fallacy, nothing is logical. It's just more story made up by mind in an effort to appear to assert some kind of control. Sorry, ain't going to happen.

Love ya, Jed.

Cosmic323

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2014, 03:07:51 am »
Dear Jed,

The energy invested in the creation and maintenance of this forum, and the response to this particular thread is greatly appreciated.....although I am not quite sure by who if you get the drift. Hopefully a little humour is not against the rules.

Fear and Ego. Ego and Fear. 2 sides of the same coin. The head and the tail share the same body. All fears are ego based. The ego survives and thrives on the emotional energy of fear. No ego. No fear. The end of fear is a by-product of the end of ego. Dont worry about fear. When ego dissolves the fear will dissipate as if it never was. Do not believe the next thought. Thoughts and feelings are the anchors of attachment to the dream.

The desire to untangle and understand fear is being sensed. Learn the intricate workings of the knot, it says. This will allow you to recognize said knots in the future so they can be avoided, it says. this is progress, it says. The future? What future. There is only right now! There only ever was now and there will only ever be now! Knots are meant to be untangled only when you want to preserve and re-use the rope! Cut it up in a million pieces instead.

The 12 Fears of Ego again...
I am afraid…THERE IS NO I TO BE AFRAID.
1. that I am wasting my life...THERE IS NO I TO WASTE NOT-MY LIFE.
2. that I will never find someone to love...THERE IS NO I TO LOVE. THERE IS NO YOU TO LOVE.
3. that I will be overweight my entire life...THERE IS NO I DAMMIT!!!
4. that I will be lonely for my entire life....I, I, I, ENOUGH ALREADY! MY LIFE? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!
5. that my life has no purpose or meaning...MY LIFE AGAIN. NOT MY LIFE.
6. that I will never be happy....THE I THRIVES ON DRAMA AND MISERY
7. that I will never overcome my addictions...I AND MY. BYE BYE!
8. of dying poor...EVERYTHING DIES WITH NOTHING.
9. that I will regret my life...THERE'S THAT I REGRETTING THINGS AGAIN!
10. of being rejected by people that I desire to connect with and form relationships with....REJECTION, DESIRE, CONNECTION, EGO.
11. of failing at tasks and goals that I want to succeed at...FAILING, SUCCEEDING, DUALITY.
12. that no one will ever love me...THERE IS NO ONE TO LOVE.

Chop chop.


Cosmic323

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Emotion, Logic...and all that Jazz
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2014, 03:34:45 am »
Emotion. Logic. Feeling. Thought. Heart. Mind. Body. Soul.

Do not believe the feelings experienced by C. Emotions are the fingers of E desperately trying to grasp and hold onto something that isnt really there at all. Emotions are the result of the grasping. Experience them, but do not identify with them. Remember remember the 18th of September...and forget everything you thought you knew.

Do not believe the thoughts experienced by C. Thoughts are the E trying to untangle the mystery of what is, but there is no mystery. The mystery was created by E to give it something to struggle to figure out. But the puzzle is missing pieces from E's POV. The puzzle is unsolvable from this side of things. From the other side, there is no puzzle. The missing pieces are that which allows everything to come into existence at all.

Do not believe. The one thing that can be known is known. That is all.

This may not make any sense. It does have to. Sense...senses...Nothing makes sense. Nothing will make sense. Nothing is ever sensed. Only imagined. Everything is imagined. How can sense be made of that which is imagined? Dream Logic. Inception.

This whole enlightenment, truth, HA, thing (not-thing), is really like inception. The seed fell from the sky, planted its roots, and sprouted. Once it took a hold, there was no stopping it. There is no stopping it. There is nothing other than it. This is it. That is it. It is this and that is that.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2014, 06:18:08 am »
Wonderful, now what?

Love ya, Jed.

Cosmic323

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2014, 07:49:31 am »
Uncertain. Patience perhaps...until the next hurdle reveals itself.

Cosmic323

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2014, 11:00:15 am »
Commuting to work today, something was experienced that hasn't been experienced in a long time...the joy of being. The feel of the cool, crisp, September air on skin, the sights of people going nowhere in particular in an extreme hurry, the sound of classical music flooding through a pair of headphones....the feeling of a smile spreading across a face....the thought that none of this is real...how cool that is...and how it doesn't matter at all.

Cosmic323

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2014, 03:51:33 pm »
Well it doesnt take long to fall back into character does it? Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! Not really, though. I never actually thought I was out. The observation that the I is still believing thoughts is a clear sign that there is still more work to be done. It has been noticed that the amount of time that C spends identifying with the I character is becoming less and less. C will be totally in character for a few hours and then BAM! suddenly realize wow, the last four hours were spent totally in character without being aware of it! At least its only a few hours and not days weeks or years. Definitely not abiding however.

The desire to write and write and write is often experienced. What does it actually mean to be a human adult? No fear. Knowing that what is, is what I AM is. So what is there to fear? Not mistaking the conscious experience of reality for reality itself. This is what it means to be totally identified with the character.

Witnessing seems like a wise practice to adopt. Like during meditation, the moment C becomes aware that it has become consumed with thought and returns awareness back to breath...the moment C becomes aware that it has become totally identified with the character, return awareness back to awareness itself. That sounds good. Will report back on how it is going.

Cosmic323

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Lay Down Your Weapons
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2014, 04:29:41 pm »
Was reading through some posts and came across: Lay Down Your Weapons. If you cant lay down your weapons, at least list them. This resonates. The I is made of sword and shield. Strike at that which the I wants to slay and tame. Protect itself from that which wants to slay it.

What are the weapons used by this particular illusion of self?
- Logic: trying to make sense of the world, trying to understand enlightenment and adulthood on an intellectual level rather than simply being and witnessing.
Rebuttal: logic is a creation of the mind, relating one concept to another. concepts are figments of imagination. logical relationships between concepts are figments of imagination. Imagination is a figment of imagination. There is no such thing as logic.
- Control: trying to make things happen, trying to manipulate and control events, people, thoughts and feelings; trying to be a "better" "person"
Rebuttal: you have no control. there is no you capable of controlling. manipulation, control, attachment these are all expressions of the false self. They are the energy on which it thrives. Let go. Just let go. Allow what is, to be.
- Distraction: food, relationships, sex, entertainment...these are all distraction techniques used to avoid the true nature of being. Ego thrives on distraction. Experience negative thought? Dont look it for what it really is, just distract your(false)self instead.  Experiencing a negative emotion? Dont look at for what it is, just distract your(false)self instead? Negative? What is that? Duality in its finest. Dwelling it darkness. Same with "better" and "person". Better = duality. Person = False. There is no person to become better or worse. There is no better or worse. Just "my" imagination...running away with "me"....just "my" imagination....running....away with "me".

Very well then.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2014, 12:23:10 am »
Logic, is illogical and IMHO appeals to cowards. Control, who controlling what? Distractions... you gotta love them. Just knowing them and doing them consciously is the key.

Cigarettes operate very well as an unconscious distraction. Booze is good also. I suggest doing your distraction as if it was the divine devotional act you could perform. Do that and it's a meditation and not a distraction.

Gota go, being distracted by a pretty young lady. Love those distractions.

Love you too, Jed.
 

Cosmic323

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2014, 05:10:04 am »
So this is going to be a rant...be prepared.
What is the point of all this? Enlightenment...what is the point? Why is all of my energy being spent on this? It is absolutely poinless. The books even warned me that it was pointless and yet here i am still believing that there is a point to all of this. The only point is to realize whats true and purge what is not true but is there any value in this? Will it bring happiness? No. Will it end suffeting? No. It completely destroys that which is capable of either so in a way yes it does end suffering but not by bringing about a state of joyful being. Or maybe it does and im just not there yet. I dont know. Whats the point of life if not joyful being, contentness with what is.

The whole time ive been doing this there has been a quote that always been in the background. In its from Nathaniel Branden's Six Pillars of Self Esteem: "some frustrated people who hit an impasse announce that they have decided to pursue a spiritual path and renounce their egos. This enterprise is doomed to failure. An ego, in the mature and healthy sense, is precisely what they have failed to attain."

Dont defer to outside authorities, come see for yourself, and all that. Jed is an outside authority. Why are we deferring to him?

I dont know why im doing this. Because i cant not do it is probably the best answer.

Whatever.

Sincerely,

Cosmic

Cosmic323

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Re: Cosmic's Thread
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2014, 06:14:34 am »
Rant....continued...

What is true? No thing is true. And yet Truth is all that there is. Contradictions. The world of perception is all that is ever experienced but there is no reason to believe....believe....no reason to believe snything. No belief is anymore true than any other belief. Why believe in anything? Create any belief no matter how fantasical and is no closer to being true than the most scientific belief.

Truth exists. Truth is all that exists. Consciousness exists. Thats it. Thats all that can be known. Everything else is belief.

But i do i really not want any beliefs at all? Why dont i just believe whatever makes me happy? Happiness or truth. That is the question. Maybe they arent mutually exclusive but right now they sure feel like they are.

I have very few attachments left. Few friends. Few family. Not many material possesions. If i parents family and friends died tomorrow would i care? If i died tomorrow or today would i care? Death is inevitable. Ive accepted it. It lurks in the shadow of every moment. It csn call at any time. So why am i wasting life on truth? Why not just enjoy what life has to offer. Enjoy pain. Enjoy suffeting. Enjoy happi ess. Enjoy boredom. Enjoy experience in all its flavors. Enlightenment is a waste of time. Enjoy the ride of life. Why spent hours and hours trying to destroy myself? So what if its false. I like false! I like movies which are false. I like music which is false. False is fun! Truth isnt.