Dear Al:
Thank you for sharing as honestly as possible. I see two choices, kill yourself or kill this idea of your self... the memories, the thoughts, the likes and hates, the stories... all that makes up the personal you. WOW... I can't believe I said that... what an insensitive b a s t a r d I am... oh well... if the shoe fits.... but lets look a little closer.
I hallucinate that I have a pretty good sense of what physical death entails... however, I am going to allow myself to be wrong there. BUT, where I am very confident is.... I know of the nature and experience of killing the personal me. I would go so far as to say I am a bit of an expert in that arena.
So, I encourage the latter choice.... but killing is not the best word. It's more like ''releasing'' or ''letting go'' that works best. Always start small. It's not your crappy life or experiences that matter, everyone has them, it's the clinging that holds you back.
What could you let go of right now? Seriously.
Love ya, Jed.