Author Topic: First step Last step  (Read 6389 times)

adinfinitum

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First step Last step
« on: August 08, 2016, 02:39:53 pm »
Hello,

I wondered about posting and what I think I'll find here, what this is about.
I saw that to post here I created one more belief : that you and the author of the books are the same person.
The first time I skipped over the question but now I can't. Too much. I felt ashamed, like caught with my hand in the cookie jar x1000.
If I cant know for sure the very first thing at the beginning... how do I know something ?
I did come here to ask a stupid question about a practice but now... all I can see is FICTION.
Search, search for something, when that something is nothing!
I'm so blind... and gulible... and ghostly...
Every thought fade so quickly.

Thank you!
« Last Edit: August 08, 2016, 04:16:37 pm by adinfinitum »

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Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2016, 11:27:18 pm »
Hi Ad:

Welcome to the forum. Regarding your post, you are quite right in my experience. You can't know the first ''thing'' and so it follows, you can know nothing, ever.

You might as well relax and just accept that. It's only you mind that resists it.

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2016, 04:59:11 am »
Let's ask that silly question about practice now that the dust settled a bit...
I feel stuck by my lack of attention/mindlessness. I've very little interest outside of awakening so there is focus in some way but not through the day, moment-to-moment. The mind wander around self-referential noise etc, get stuck believing for a while. I notice it once in a while, return to zero but not very often. There an practice to speed things up ? All I know is meditation but I read you say that they are more efficient ways than meditation. I understand that you won't disclose the nav series content here but if there is anything non-secret that you are willing to share I'm listening!

Thanks

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2016, 05:21:25 am »
Dear Ad:

Nothing is secret. There is only One and something that might appear as a secret is only an element/part of the dream. It's all available to you, and I am dead serious, ALL available to you when you want it badly enough.

Your mind will settle down on it's own good time. Be patient,  and then be more patient.

Love ya, Jed.
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2016, 04:12:05 am »
I get that recurrent dream every now and then. It always seems to close a cycle. I dream about failing college exam. Sometimes I miss to much lectures and worry about not knowing enough. This time I just failed. I was asking the teachers if they could give it to me now. It's been a while since I try to pass it, they could just give it to me. Then I taunted them a bit, accused them of not passing me just to get more money. I said: couldn't you just ask me the money then ? I was a bit sly and not really worried.
These dreams used to generate much anxiety upon waking, now I'm more relaxed. But this recurrent dream still seems to be important.
This kind of dream is a classic. College degree is often the gate through adulthood. I have passed the actual one for years now, it seems to be a deeper symbol.
I think my glib attitude in the dream is close to my current attitude. I suspect what comes after, so I delay the real jump, no longer afraid of failing but maybe about what's ahead.
I remember an episode of that dream where I was in a maze. I **** it seeing that you could short-circuit it any time. I thought it was cheating but I was praised for finding the solution/non-solution. Most of people were still inside following directions to no avail. At that moment someone came and asked me if I really wanted to go for the next step because it wasn't an easy one.

I feel that deep down I know what to do, but I hide it from myself. I'll see how that goes.

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2016, 04:59:15 am »
Yes, you will eventually.

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2016, 06:21:27 am »
I've been practicing self-inquiry a lot using questions such as "who am i?" or "whence am i?". I felt that I was not doing it right because i wasn't finding anything and it was laborious.
But then i had these moments where 'i' disappeared in the process. This is very brief. Each time this happen, there is also panic. It's hard to go back and exhausting.
I think that i should continue but i'm not sure. Does this sound like the right track ?
« Last Edit: September 06, 2016, 07:18:30 am by adinfinitum »

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2016, 10:37:55 am »
How could you possibly be on the ''wrong'' track?

Love ya, Jed

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2016, 11:21:39 am »
Is the practice i described above a 'fast' track to T/R ?
« Last Edit: September 06, 2016, 11:24:48 am by adinfinitum »

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2016, 11:30:26 am »
A fast track to where you are... a fast track to who/what you are... to you???

Sounds pretty weird to me. Aren't you already who you are and where you are?

Look and see.

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2016, 01:33:33 pm »
I was playing dumb to make sure i did understand sorry.
Truth be told i was afraid of the previous answer.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2016, 08:32:21 am »
I struggle to let action flow by itself, i often caught myself forcing it.
Let's take this email for example. I have a question to ask but doesn't yet know how to formulate it.
I'm catching myself forcing to come up with something. My body get very tensed. When i notice it I breath a minute. But the tension come back as soon as i get back to the task at hand. This happens in many situations.
How to work from the relaxed/unnamed space that i am when just breathing ? Is it possible to stop that 'forcing' habit ?
« Last Edit: September 20, 2016, 08:37:09 am by adinfinitum »

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #12 on: September 21, 2016, 01:38:47 am »
Find out who wants to stop it.

Love ya, Jed.
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2016, 07:21:36 am »
No one.
These moments of tension/pain are just wake-up calls.
Boy...

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2016, 08:45:03 am »
 ;) ;) ;)