Author Topic: First step Last step  (Read 6390 times)

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #15 on: November 02, 2016, 05:27:35 am »
I notice I. I see that every experience is tied to the idea of I.
I saw and keep seeing sometimes what is without an I or in others words what is before I.
But... right know this is re-framing a non-experience into one. I have a hard time not to cling to it... even if I see that just create more resistance.
It's just like you describe in your last rant...

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #16 on: November 02, 2016, 06:48:13 am »
 ::) ::) ::) ::) ;D

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #17 on: November 02, 2016, 07:17:16 am »
Hard to admit, but you're right...
I feel kinda sad now. It will probably pass :)

Edit :
It passed ....
And thank you Jed McBadassKena for being BS proof!
« Last Edit: November 02, 2016, 11:12:32 am by adinfinitum »

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #18 on: November 03, 2016, 02:00:05 am »
Now... back to work.

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #19 on: November 04, 2016, 05:28:54 am »
It is quite literal isn't it ? When it is said : "you are not who you think you are".
A question I have since a few days is then : why is it so difficult to stop to believe what I'm not ?
But this question seems to be asked from the wrong perspective. That's why it "feels" so off. It's just a feeling. But I don't know a better way to put that question.
You always ask for a question in the posts. This is the one but I can't articulate it correctly here. Could you help me to rephrase the problem stated above ? I'm also working on it.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2016, 05:31:45 am by adinfinitum »

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #20 on: November 04, 2016, 05:38:19 am »
You don't plan a seed and water it then dig is up in two  days to see how it's going...

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #21 on: November 04, 2016, 05:51:50 am »
what is the seed here ?

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #22 on: November 04, 2016, 05:55:02 am »
ok thanks

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #23 on: November 10, 2016, 03:37:00 am »
You're the guy pointing at the world telling us it's a beautiful circus. Telling us we're in it but not of it. Not as persons but as a whole, as truth...
We're so hypnotized by the clowns, the elephants that we forget the simplicity of this reality.
Here again I'm stating the obvious, regurgitating the sage discourse... but it's hitting me in the face more and more.

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #24 on: November 10, 2016, 07:48:30 pm »
Stick with it... further.

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #25 on: November 12, 2016, 07:17:08 am »
I see all objects, the physical sensations, the thoughts, the sensation of being a mindbody. I see from 'outside', there is a buffer before the screen.
Before the screen there is no words, the void in which all this is born and dies.

I used to focus in the void to do remote viewing. Subtle images came and were used to build an image of a place afar that I wanted to see.
I'm not interested in special abilities anymore but it taught me many things. At first I though I was going in the void. Now I know that seeing is before 'there', directed at me and objects.

There is no content, no memories in that void but there is still a knowing, a presence. It's different from deep sleep let's say. That state of non-discriminating, simple original presence can be brought into the world, lucidity in the dream.
It's far from being continuous and it's still lucidity for a character. The sense of 'i' is still well rooted. The need to reaffirm 'I am' is unnecessary because it's self-evident but it still sprouts.

I know there is nothing I can do. This leaves me with a HUGE force pressing me against a glass wall. Is it wanting to be free? It's so strong it makes my body shake.
There is further I know. How... ? Keep on...
« Last Edit: November 12, 2016, 07:31:46 am by adinfinitum »

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #26 on: November 12, 2016, 11:11:10 am »
Whatever happens ignore it. DO NOT try to repeat any experience. That is very important.

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #27 on: November 24, 2016, 05:20:18 pm »
Something hit me hard yesterday. I had to admit that I have nothing to gain from this.
And this morning it was like : This is it. I'm not who I think I am. I am. End of story. Nothing to celebrate. I really can't claim anything.
I looked and got the word 'being'. It's just being. But that couldn't matter less. After that I contemplated non-being. Wouldn't matter either. It's strange because it is ok.

Now I still feel that the madness is close, I feel ready to fall back into old behaviors.
I'm skeptical to say the least. I don't remember accurately but I have the impression that this happened before and I ended seeking again a few months after.

I guess from your last message that ignoring is probably still advised here but this was very unsettling so I'd like to hear your opinion.

Thanks.

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #28 on: November 24, 2016, 08:54:25 pm »
What is this? What if  that? Maybe I'll this... hmm.. maybe I'll that. Oooohhhh, just spin, spin, spin. Go for it, but it's a pretty sticky place to be.

Love ya, Jed.

adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #29 on: November 25, 2016, 12:42:17 pm »
Yeah it's a shitty place to be.
I want smoothness. I want to feel like the first time when you drive a new car. Just the sensations. You don't think you just... you are not there. That's what I desire the most.
I could never answer that question. What do you want. But now I know.
I had many dreams recently showing me that. It's like people come into my dreams to teach me.
They show me repeatedly the subtle difference between thinking you're doing and the fact that it is already going without your help. I see it then don't, so it is shown again and again. This has to be carved once and for all...
I learned to swim in the exact same way. I was trying to float until a stupid contradictory exercise demonstrated that I already float.
I want to experience that the show is running by itself so that I can finally let go. Understand that I'm unnecessary.

I'm not proud of this post but I'll leave it there...
« Last Edit: November 25, 2016, 05:15:59 pm by adinfinitum »