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Author Topic: First step Last step  (Read 6874 times)

Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #210 on: April 30, 2017, 09:07:35 am »
It's not what is, it's only what appears to be. Big diff.

Love ya, Jed.
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #211 on: April 30, 2017, 11:47:25 am »
Context and content... nice
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #212 on: May 02, 2017, 11:11:03 am »
in your latest rant is " focus on the fact that you do appear to be aware and are aware of that appearance" a reformulation of "be aware of being aware" or is it a different idea ?
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #213 on: May 04, 2017, 02:35:25 am »
I had one of those glimpses (again). It was very clear that I wasn't my dream character... i was not in the picture... well it's useless to try to describe it or prove it. "Do not try to repeat the experience" is with me here.
It was also clear that there is nothing to do to 'get there'. It's really a gift and then it's not because it creates a longing...
The only thing that prevents the recognition at the time I write is the desire to get it back which only reinforce the impression of being a person in a body/separation.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2017, 02:37:18 am by adinfinitum »
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #214 on: May 04, 2017, 04:07:48 am »
Soon after I remember coming back into identification with the angst of what next... the price of really letting go is probably accepting radically everything. mmmh these are just musing... will see...
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Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #215 on: May 04, 2017, 05:26:31 am »
Good musings, so... what's next?

Love ya, Jed.
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #216 on: May 04, 2017, 02:48:34 pm »
 ???
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Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #217 on: May 05, 2017, 05:24:46 am »
Excellent...

Love ya, Jed.
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #218 on: May 07, 2017, 08:36:35 am »
I stayed with the question since then.
It's not about an answer, it's about loosing the questioner/question thing and I can't...
I cannot stay with the question forever but it isn't done... I feel that if I give up the contemplation now i'll go again into the fog only to return at first sign of resistance or longing...
???

Edit : I can't even decide to give up the question...

« Last Edit: May 07, 2017, 08:40:14 am by adinfinitum »
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #219 on: May 09, 2017, 04:42:52 am »
I cannot project myself into the future. No concrete ideas to implement, nothing. I'm just doing maintenance work on my body and my close environment. Eating, grooming, cleaning the house, walking in the park and showing up for (seemingly innefective) medical appointments.
Distractions/entertainment become scarce also.
I'm young and that's the life of an old man. Is it a common experience on the way to T/R to be inactive like this for a long period of time?
Adulthood tell me to bear and endure with circonstances but I can never be sure 100% I'm doing the right thing.
I've seen the progress, I don't react as much as I used to do but still not seeing the end of the tunnel demand lots of patience.
My volition seems innefective as much as the surges of various emotions. Observing their stories leave me empty headed.
Is this continous frustration some kind of trial or built-in preparation for... T/R ?
I've stick with your previous question (what's next?) since. It generated striving and more frustration, nightmares also. Predictable cycle. Now I'm quiet but still 'asking'.
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Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #220 on: May 10, 2017, 04:33:02 am »
About the most Truthish thing you said was.  ''I can never be sure 100% I'm doing the right thing". How about giving up trying?

Love ya, Jed.
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #221 on: May 10, 2017, 05:47:52 am »
You put a smile on this face :)
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Jed McKenna

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #222 on: May 10, 2017, 10:55:14 pm »
Likewise.. thank you.

 ;D ;D ;D

That's a pretty cheesy smile... oh well...

Love ya, Jed.
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #223 on: May 18, 2017, 02:47:35 am »
yes enough of that...
regarding stop trying : impossible.
I wish i could tell you that that's it, i've gone nuclear and all but that would be a lie.
I'm pissed off but not enough to make a change.
What am I doing here ? I mean in this life or dream.
I have no use for it. I don't want it. All I can do is try to pass time by numbing myself with distractions.
And whenever i stop indulging, when i face it, what's next or whatever, blank, nada until I fall asleep.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2017, 03:03:58 am by adinfinitum »
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adinfinitum

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Re: First step Last step
« Reply #224 on: May 18, 2017, 03:06:07 am »
I asked what should be done in the previous post but that was a stupid question...
besides by asking the dream i don't know what can come out of it except more dream stuff
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