I thought a long time ( I graduated and worked a year but I always want to quit, so I quitted job a few month ago ) , If everything is true, I don't know what I need to ask. Or you want me to prove things untrue? I tried it but sky still seems sky.
So I just ask myself something about me. I asked why I quitted job, I think it is because I have a lover so I work. I regard her as the requirements of world unconsciously. I think/I know I need to be a social people to have love but I cannot handle my life with job, especially cannot handle my lover and I have no time spend on relatives. However, when I day off with lover or family, I am not sure I am happy. Also I don't interest in all kind of job in recruit website ( Although I have a good performance in old work, I don't think that the sense of accomplishment is important to me ) and I do not want to waste all the time to earn money and talk about money with friend in day off.
( When I have a job, I am not health. Whole body is Eczema and also get Ménière's disease. ( I got these two disease in college period. ) After I see traditional Chinese doctor, I have no Eczema. But Ménière's disease is no way to solve, so I just let it here and then get well after a month. )
So the focus is, why I want to have love? I love her that it is love? Maybe I am incompatible with the world and I see people in love that people seem intact. But why I am not to be alone? Maybe it is instinct.
If it is instinct, whose is the instinct?
Why I breathe? But sometimes I even don't know I am breathing. So why I am not to die? I don't know. I need to ask myself who am I. But I don't know also.
Why I don't know? ME just seem me, also seem memory. Why I am doing something but I do not seem living/a human? I am alive obviously! People remember me and I have influenced people. I have a lot of things. But when I look back the memory, ( I am memory? ) I still don't know who am I.
Sorry Jed. Thank you spend time on this.
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