....Because.
Harharhar I get ya!
Yeah no I hear you Jed. Anything attached to thinking my ego is the be all and end all is just spinning my wheels. I guess to define consciousness again I'd say it's like the blank stage where all this stuff takes place including the stuff which seems to be taking place. It is becoming more felt over time. But yeahhh I'm still stuck in my attention being still on my ego. Unpleasant or boring things still suck and fun or delicious things are preferred. I desire stuff. Not stuff to prove myself to others but stuff that I just want. It's a felt and thought experience of desire. If I put my attention on what is not that experience isn't that still experience caused by my mind? Gurus talk of the self dropping but the self is part of consciousness just like everything that's occurring. So how can it drop? It seems like more of what might happen is it becomes no more significant than anything else. But I'm still at the point where a nice juicy steak eaten with a gorgeous woman on a tropical beach is more what my self prefers to have in experience than catching the train home at 10pm after work. I can get a bit of peace from my skill at turning my attention away from my cognitions and into my senses in the now but that's just a little glimpse triggered by the mind.and that gets boring. Everything gets boring. I'm sure if I had enough steaks and tropical women that would get boring too. But I still want it. I'm hungry 😋
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