Blah,blah... you are trying to think your way through this, forget that, it cannot be done that way. Truth does not yield itself to analysis, it's completely paradoxical. Pursuing your thoughts, as you are, will end up in massive frustration... BUT, that can be very good if you reach that point and totally give up.
Once again, neither Truth nor I make any sense.... so don't waste time trying to figure it out, just accept what is, forgive EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in your life, take a deep breath and relax.
Love ya, Jed.