Author Topic: how to move from here?  (Read 1325 times)

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #30 on: November 07, 2016, 11:10:41 am »
Thank you boss. Book ordered already. It's indicated I have to at least read it and that's what I will do.

Yesterday I started to re-read "Spritually incorrect..." and right away I found this sentence: "Discovering and creating the process is part of the process (...), you have to build your own process and be your own mechanic".

I'm banging on this door looking for months looking for some one-size-fit-all formula ... and answer was right before my eyes all this time.

Jed McKenna

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #31 on: November 08, 2016, 12:30:01 am »
That's usually were the answers lie.... but very few look.

Love ya, Jed.

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #32 on: November 09, 2016, 03:20:27 am »
I read "Spiritually incorrect..." again, and I swear I never read this book before...

Am I  "sniffing around the door"? maybe

I'm in the hole and can't get out, but can't get back to it and believe again.. . I decided to get back to oblivion a couple of months ago, but just couldn't. I keep coming back, and coming back like a retard. Even though I don't really know why... Looks like I've broken something that can't be unbroken.

Zombie walking among zombies. The only difference, I know I'm a zombie.
Poking around the door but too scared to step through it.


The only "fun part" is "divine navigation". Too many "coincidences" to even remember.... Illusion of control seems to slowly fall away.


Jed McKenna

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #33 on: November 09, 2016, 05:14:51 am »
If you fully got that you have no free will, no choice, how  would your life appear to be different.

Love ya, Jed.

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #34 on: November 10, 2016, 08:51:14 am »
Different than what Jed?

perception? Looking at the same thing "differently"?

p.s. the book "I Am That" arrived. Will start with it today

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #35 on: November 10, 2016, 12:33:35 pm »
oh, and I know why Arjuna fell but don't know why he got up

Jed McKenna

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #36 on: November 10, 2016, 07:46:53 pm »
What are you experiencing right now, apart from a conversation in your head? What are you really experiencing? Go into that as deeply as you can.

Love ya, Jed.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2016, 10:14:36 am by Jed McKenna »

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #37 on: November 11, 2016, 09:17:08 am »
there is breath and feeling of the body - hands especially... I used to "meditate" on my breath or "scan the body"... breathing saved my life many times.

there is nothing beyond that.

Thinking is a contamination... I'd see something beautiful (like a tree, or sunset) and then thinking comes and destroys it by analysing and comparing. I think therefore I am not.

Jed McKenna

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #38 on: November 11, 2016, 10:15:34 am »
Whoa cowboy... do you think...really, look deeply... do you think?

Love ya, Jed.

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #39 on: November 11, 2016, 12:03:13 pm »


Is there any "I" in this business? All "I" can say is "thinking is". But even this is probably an assumption.
I don't really know - I'm confused

Jed McKenna

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #40 on: November 12, 2016, 12:52:03 am »
Good, just be confused. What wrong with that? Perhaps it's just your mind that doesn't like it.

Love ya, Jed.

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #41 on: December 01, 2016, 10:24:05 am »
I'm enjoying confusion and pain and crazy heartbeat during slight panic attacks. Once I am with the heart it goes away. Can't stay with it for long uninterupted but I feel like it's progressively longer.
Reading (or rather painfuly studying) Maharaj "I Am That"... Sometimes feel like I wanna obliterate him, sometimes feel like I want to hug him... When he gets on love, harmony and peace and balanced life I want to choke the guy.... When he talks about "I've eaten the world and don't have to think about it anymore" I can relate and feel gratitude....

I'm thinking... how to best explain the difference between psychoanalisis  and spiritual autolysis? Sometimes I feel it, sometimes I don't.....

Jed McKenna

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #42 on: December 01, 2016, 09:08:07 pm »
Explain the difference... for what purpose and to whom.

If you want to ask something, I'll do my best to assist, but keep it about you, your journey, your challenges, your gains... that juices me the most and keeps me  doing this.

Cut to avoidance... just be... that's all that is called for.

Love ya, Jed

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #43 on: May 01, 2017, 07:28:22 am »
I can't write anything honestly because the only thing I'm concerned about is reaction of the recipent.

 I have no idea who/what is really talking to you now, but this thing is not honest.

I seem to have some sort of an internal censorship, so everytime there seem to be some "honest insight" it will get censored and transformed into a lie on the way out. Even now, saying this, I'm still lying. Expecting some positive reaction. I don't know how to trick this censor and actually articulate what I want. True is I don't know what I want.

To be honest, I''ve never said anything that is "true" in my life.

I have only beliefs - that one system is better than the other, or one writer is "better" than the other, or one sports team is "better" than the other.

So I'm kind of loosing interest in talking.

If I could shut the internal dialogue in one simple cut, I probably would. But this internal blabbering just goes on and on, like some acid jazz music I can't stop. I'm not saying it's good or bad - just that I have no control over it.
I have no control over nothing.

If something can be "mostly true" or "a little bit true" or "less of a lie" -- than I'm good at it. But deep inside I know that with true/false is a bit like with being pregnant. Can't be a little bit pregnant, or less or more pregnant.

So I'm struggling to actuallly articulate anything.

Also, I want to "grow up" and be an adult... but as long as it costs me nothing. I want it to be given to me on a silver platter.

I don't even know what I'm doing here.  Who is trying to have dialogue with who?

Ah, and this Maharaj guy you recommended me, I truly hate him. Once he said the word "love" I was ready to go. I don't understand what that means and I never did. My mum loves me but she let me suffer because she didn't want her neighbours to think bad about here..... I lost the meaning of the word.

jjtech

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Re: how to move from here?
« Reply #44 on: May 01, 2017, 07:32:15 am »
Oh, and this psychoanalysis thing - it was for me.

If you're asking to who - of course only to yourself, which is of course nobody.... Two nobodies having a discussion about nothing. All we can do is make it interesting, so it would be on you, as I can't make or say antyhing that is even close to interesting. Everthing I say or write seems idiotic to me 5 minutes later