I was just about to ask if it's possible to achieve ha being in relationship but realized it doesn't matter. Every question I think of stops making sense once I write it down. I figured if I somehow take this "first step" that it won't matter either way -- realtionship or not -- I will simply do what's right.
I have a little problem with ha - is it something that happens AFTER the "first step"? ... or before? Or it's unrelated?
Sometime ago you asked me what I want. I thought it's tr, but I can't want it. How could I? All I know is what I don't want.
I'm a bit confused -- there is nothing to strive for because I can't see the sense in anything. I can't just go on and "make career" in life because it makes the same sense to me as not making it.
I see unhappiness in every happiness to the point where they merge into one thing.
So if unhappiness and happiness are the same thing, and love and hate are the same thing, than what can ever make sense? I can't seem to unlock this door. Going to work and not going to work and starving make the same sense. None. And at the same time, whatever I will do, will be the right thing to do. No difference. Saving the whale makes the same sense as butchering it. I see people killed in Syria, or wherever, and can't see anything wrong with that.
And... at the same time I feel completely full of
****. What to do if it makes no difference what I do?