Hello Jed, I want to tell about my new situation here. So finally after reading the book many times 'I am That' i realized what the **** this guy is talking about, being aware.
It's about being aware of being aware. I have slowly stayed on 'I am' treated everything I see, hear and taste as not 'me'. I feel freer, I treat the life more like a joke.
But this doesn't work, I if am aware of my feelings or thinking as Nisargadatta says.
The problem is for example that I want to write some job applications to find a job, buuuut i have no motivation, and I know that I need a positive feeling to get this motivation. I need a picture in my mind of what I want to achieve right?
And if I begin to use thoughts, I will not be aware of being aware, they will past-future project themselves
1. So basically, I see what it is to stay detached from the dream, but how I can change the dream I am painting?
It is really a struggle to stay on 'I am' is almost impossible, and I feel I am stuck with it. I can stay away from my old habits, by I still have fear of the things I do not want to fear anymore.
It's this damm feeling in the solar plexus. I have tried to accept it, stop identifying with it, but that is not possible!
If there is no negative emotion involved then I have the feeling that it's just a dream, but once a negative emotion enters I can't detach myself from the dream
And I have tried as Nisargadatta said to be aware of feelings and realize I am not them.
But I can't, I identify with them!
I can easily stop habits when I become aware of being aware. But then after some time an emotion 'fear' entrees and I can't stop identifying with it, and then I just continue to run on autopilot
Love you.
Thanks for help Jed!