Author Topic: I see no further  (Read 441 times)

Jan.

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I see no further
« on: June 02, 2017, 04:54:15 pm »
Hello Jed,

(I really tried to make it as short as possible, I hope it's not too long)

The story so far: So I'm on this "truth realization" thing now for approximately a year. I live in almost complete isolation at the moment, very little human communication. But that's not really a problem for me. The point is, I have a lot of time contemplating/journaling. I do a lot for emotional inquiry to understand all my patterns of beliefs and trapped energies. But am also inquiring into the nature of reality. Lately I came to the conclusion though that it is more beneficial for me now to uncover and heal all this crap in the body. I also did some LSD trips, but haven't done that for months now.

Where I'm at in the TR business: I realized that the seperation of inner/outer, me/other, world/not world is merely conceptual. And that there is only experience happening to nothing. A few weeks ago I sat on the window looking out when I heard a lawnmower somewhere going on. It suddenly stroke me that the sound was only a concept. The lawnmower was only a story i associated with a sound. This awakened me into a state of "absolute now" (For a lack of a better term) it is not describable. There was stillness underlying everything, and appearances just came in and out of experience, and there was nothing beyond this experience. Being completely at the edge of existence/time/reality, where NEW reality is being created just now, in the thin [whatever this is] between the concept of memory and the projection of future. It is  playful and joyfully alive when the veil of thought is gone. After this it happened again and again, and the more I release all my emotional crap, the more it seems to stabilize.  Realizing that I **** don't know what this existence is. That I am conscious right now, that  experience is taking place! What a wonder this is... and it seems nobody even notices how absurd it is that reality IS! It became clear that the outside world doesn't exist, because there is only ever this field of awareness. Planet earth is a dream. A city is a dream. Even a room is a dream.

The experience of reality fluctuates now for me between beauty (nature) and grotesque/bizarre (Being on a toilet for example. how absurd is the experience of legs in a room constructed for a meat-tube to empty itself?!), dependend on the field of experience.

Where I am stuck: So in the last few weeks I became really sceptical about every "spiritual/nondual" teacher I ever heard. I became sceptical about all my experiences. About my whole convincement that there is such a  thing as enlightenment. I ask myself why it can't be the brain. Yes, the brain is a story ultimately. And so is the face and the head. And I know that the living being of awareness is not the brain, it is just empty awareness wherein the story of a brain appears. But the apparent continuity of the same body, with experience happening in relation to the sense organs make it very plausible to me that the body obviously has something to do with awareness, and that the brain is not a complete fiction. How can I ever be sure that it's not the brain somehow creating experience? Is "The brain is not in direct experience and can therefore not be truth because we can never be absolutely sure about it" really the answer? Somehow I see that the body is inside consciousness, also an experience appearing in me. But the brain whispers to me "Dude, you serious? You think this is some magical nothingness being aware of everything? The industry of hope wants to make you belief this nonsense. Don't you know about my complex nature? I am responsible for awareness..."

How can I go further? I don't see a way besides dismissing the idea and forever worry that it might however just be the brain.

greetings,
Jan
« Last Edit: June 02, 2017, 04:57:22 pm by Jan. »

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Jed McKenna

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2017, 04:38:18 am »
Hi Jan:

Thank you for you post and welcome to the forum.

I suggest you follow Pres. Trumps tech on enlightenment. It's not particularly new but can be very useful. Here is how it goes.is

First of all, get your hair done, and don't spare any coin on it. You gotta look good for this.
Second, call a meeting, meetings signify something important is about to happen.
Third: Once you have all your beliefs, memories, concepts, understandings, presumptions and assumptions together you move on to the final move.... number four.
Number four requires only two words, ''you're fired''. Yeh, there may be a few tears shed and some b.s. stories about, ''How will you ever manage without me''.  But they are just the whimpers of the dying. They can be ignored. You are establishing a New World Order where you are the boss, BUT, it isn't over yet, one more thing needs doing. The LAST STEP.

The LAST STEP can only be taken after you have fully completed the first four steps.

The LAST STEP is you step down, resign as Leader of the Known Universe, Commander in Chief and Big Kahuna. You totally give up your position on the Board and divest yourself of all stock and interests (Pres. Trump has yet to do this part, I don't think he really listens to me on our Skype calls).

Keep in touch, let me know how it goes and be careful what you ask for, you might just get it.

Love ya, Jed.




Jan.

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2017, 09:19:44 pm »
Thank you for your answer Jed!  :)

Resign and give up control, so that the climate can finally be free from that vicious ego-smog!  :P Let's make reality great again.
I don't know how long it will take (the hair part will take some time), but I will definitively stay in touch and report back.
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Jed McKenna

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2017, 12:55:06 am »
Hi Jan:

Glad to see you still have your sense of humor.

Report back any time... oh, and I missed step the REAL LAST STEP...

You must fire me.

Love ya, Jed.
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Jan.

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2017, 04:34:42 am »
Jed...
I want to tell you about what happened the last week. So I wanted to do it step by step, just like you described it: Collecting all concepts and dismiss them, and then totally release control. But the last step was always itching in my mind. It was swirling around as if it was saying "Come on, dude.  You know that all concepts are imagined by you and can therefore only be false. Just surrender already".  Like I knew that this was necessary but  wanted to kill time and delay it. And of course the whole brain thing was just another story. It's really funny how the mind can be so convincing, even if the same mechanism has been seen through in other areas... "Ok, I admit it! All these other concepts where really lies! But this one...this one is true, I promise!"

I can't describe what happened then, but it was as if I imploded and sucked into a vacuum, but without the vacuum. Just nothing. It wasn't spectacular at all, more like "Oh..." Before that, I heard that the true self is no self/nothing of course. But up to this moment there was a sort of "witness identity". Even this vanished. I mean, what did I expect? Guess what, it is REALLY nothing!  The person I always thought of as me was suddenly like a stranger. "Jan" was just a process running without me anywhere to be found, even the most intimate sense of me was part of this mechanism. The nature of awareness was revealed as NOTHING! and as that what is.. seeing, hearing, touching, etc. are all subtle conceptualizations in a sense and not true.
This was three days ago.

Yesterday my perspective shifted. I was sitting down and asked myself "Ok, what is absolutely true right now? If the truth is always here, it has to be here now and I can realize it". After a while my room started to look like a exhibit room of a museum "This is how the room of Leonardo Da Vinci looked like" where everything was placed carefully with absolute detail, but at the same time it is intentioned to look as if Leonardo had just left and was out eating. Only this time it's "This is the experience of being Jan in his room, and this is his story and the contextual framework: [insert thoughts/memories here]. I realized then that my whole life is really a complete fiction. Completely impersonal, as if this experience is one of infinite experienes. It is not really Jan writing a text right now, but only the appearance or a simulation of it in a sense.. Like it's not real, but also real at the same time because it has no context of a "more real" thing. Felt like I was going insane.

I have now dropped out of this to an extent. But not really... It is a weird sphere between two completely different paradigms/worlds. The person still has a sort of gravitanional energy that pulls "me" back into the story. When I was completely disidentified, I wondered how I could ever belief to be the person. It was so simple and unspectacular. And now im in a weird state of knowing that I'm a complete farce, and how stressfull and frustrating this lie is, but still back in the gravitanional pull. The causality of appearant events in time is so convincing that it keeps me enmeshed in the story and memories of the character. Maybe the releasing control and resigning part is a learning process... I also don't have direct awareness of what lies outside of my experience. The whole "everything" and "infinite vastness" thing. That would add a space-like dimension to reality or awareness. But it is just nothing... And everything? I can see that it's everything experience-wise. It is of course every experience, but what is "everything" beyond experience? And what seperates the experience of [Jed reading Jan] and [Jan reading Jed]?

What am I missing? It feels so "done", but there are still certain uncertainties.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2017, 04:36:14 am by Jan. »

Jed McKenna

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2017, 08:34:06 am »
Please condense your writing to less than 200 words.

Thanks in advance,

Cheers.

Jan.

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2017, 09:16:33 am »
Reality shifted to different paradigm. Feeling of me evaporated into nothing, so that the person I always thought appears like a stranger. It's just a mechanism running on it's own, and even the most intimate feeling of me is part of that mechanism. Like "This is an experience of being a person called Jan in his room, and this is his story: [thoughts, memories, contextual framework of of the world this experience plays in] It appears to be one of infinite experiences. Awareness was revealed as nothing, as what reality is. Not seeing,etc because those are all subtle conceptualizations or interpretations of how this is appearing. So this experience of it is just a simulation in a sense. Not real, but not unreal either, because there is no "more real" thing. There can only ever be the experience.

There uncertainties though. Don't have a real sense of what's containing experience. I don't see what's beyond. And what's seperating [Jed reading Jan] and [Jan reading Jed]? Also the causality of appearant events in time and the context [Planet Earth] is so convincing and continuous that it keeps sucking me into the character and his scenarios. What am I missing Jed?


Jed McKenna

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2017, 09:36:19 am »
The nothing in which your dream is occurring in.

Not much really, just everything.

Love ya, Jed

Jan.

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2017, 05:06:19 am »
What is space? I can't be space, since space is an experience... Wouldn't add "everything" beyond experience a dimension of space?

Jed McKenna

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2017, 05:28:55 am »
What specifically is your concern?

Love ya, Jed.

Jan.

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2017, 05:46:49 am »
The nothing I am is not localizable. It feels more like "It is so small that it is nothing" But small is of course not the right word, because it is nothing and not findable! But I don't get this whole "Vastness" and "Wave in an Ocean" thing, because that would add a dimension of something beyond what is experienced, and that seems like a concept/appearance to me. The "Ocean" and "Vastness".. are they meant in a space-like dimension, or in the sense of "vast potential for possible experiences"? How can I become aware of an Ocean that is beyond what is happening to me? wouldn't it also be something that is happening to me then?

That seems to be the missing key

Jed McKenna

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Re: I see no further
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2017, 05:49:07 am »
From my perspective (or what is left of it), you are trying to figure this out, to understand it, get a handle on it... now, is that true for you?

Cheers.