INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Hi Jed,
My identity keeps changing. All the time. I've been a transgender for 5 years, but I am getting sick of it. Just another layer of bullshit. A part of me doesn't give a **** about what I am - if anything - but yet I do, because else I guess I wouldn't keep changing it. I don't really think I am anything at all. Sometimes I have an urge to do something, like kicking a stranger as hard as I can, or screaming on the train until someone stops me. Just because no one would expect it. To freak people out, because I know that the only thing holding me back is the thoughts in my head about "how I am supposed to be". Some people say that it's just because I am 16. I feel like I am so unbearably full of bullshit, and the rest of the world is too. Maybe you are too. I don't know. I don't know what to do with all my bullshit, though.
-Philip

Ok, thank you. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to explode, but mostly I am just curious I think. It makes no sense. It just sounds a little stupid when I write it down...
My question was how do I handle all my b.s.? I'm not spiritual or anything, I just have a feeling of something completely crazy! What did you do when you when you felt that? Did you just live with it?
-Philip

I was wondering, if everything is just a dream, how can it then seem so real? You know, with emotions and senses and so on. I kind of feel that "not believing" is just another belief? I mean, I have no idea if the world is real or not. But saying that it not is, isn't that just as much a belief as saying that it is? What's the difference?