INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Hi Jed, thanks for having this forum!
I know this me-voice talking all day has nothing to do with the real “me”, awareness. I saw it once, only for a few seconds but it was very clear. The thought that came up was that it’s really very silly to do anything whatsoever to please that voice. Also I (Identification with ego got reinstalled pretty quickly) felt very free, dancing around the house, feeling very grateful.

Question: When I try to ‘do-nothing-just-be-aware’ I can feel like a fraud trying to mimic the way of seeing during that one time. But it’s not the same. Is it even useful to do this? Doesn’t it just cultivate another way to look that I’m identifying with? I can see that movement, wanting to get “around/behind/above” the thoughts and can watch that as well, but still, is it useful to do this regularly? Does it bring non-identification closer?

Trying to recreate the experience… but how can I not? I don’t want to be a slave to the voice of ego the rest of my life.

Hi Jed, thanks for the reply. I didn’t think I have many desires, I don’t care for clothes, gear, stuff or wine, food, etc. I thought I was pretty mature. I only wondered why I feel so ehm.. dull/indifferent lately.

Yesterday I watched my thoughts for about half an hour and many desires and other childish urgings came along: mostly to get away from discomfort, to get my way and blame everybody who doesn’t give me that, a need to be praised, to repeat, control, to hold onto, which altogether could result in discontentment and feeling dull/indifferent I suppose.

I’ll read some more of your rants, looking for info on how to get to H/A, any you can recommend now you know which state I'm in?

Hi Jed. I read all the rants and translated the lines that seemed useful for me in my own language. Printed them out, using them to my ability. Yes, She’s a good girl, always arduous, doing her best…

You asked for my desires.
1. Feeling alive ----- I don’t want to feel numb and distant, I want to feel fresh and alive, be amazed by the beauty of the world, feel grateful for my incredible journey here. Instead I feel like a zombie, living in my head as if anything important could come out of it...aaahhhh.
2. Wellbeing of my sons ----- I specifically don’t want them to experience mental pain. Somehow I’m under the impression that they will be damaged for good if that happens.
3. Having a pain free body ----- I do hate it when my body has an ache. It shouldn’t be there and I try everything to fix it.

Don't know if these count as desires, sound more like attachments and aversions, if there's a difference.