Author Topic: It is starting  (Read 2465 times)

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2018, 04:03:42 am »
Tonight I had a curious dream.

I was dreaming that I was driving my car and listening to your tracks. That is my driving exp. for the last 3 months so no wonder it came up in a dream, too. But what was curious; it was on the part where You were saying something like this (it is not an actual quote but sth along these lines): "When you started reading, you were probably someone who would suffer if they lose their arm.  Someone who is in the process would lose it deliberately and WOULDN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT IT". I heard that and rewinded the track to hear it again. And then again. At the same time my visual field started to dissapear. Like, black dots started to come in, and I understood I can't drive the car like that. I should stop somewhere. But I can't see anything, I can't follow along the road, I can't even stop somewhere safely. Like I am falling asleep in my driving seat. Next thing I know, I hear somebody out of my car, trying to open the trunk. In the first moment, I became afraid that it is police and that they will charge me a penalty because I was driving with my ligts turned off and who knows what happened when I feel asleep! Then I think: "Oh ****, no, it's my parents, they came back from the seaside. They will find me like this and worry like crazy, what happened to me! What will I say to them??".

As I was slowly waking up I was thinking like: "Am I in a car or ?" It was such a vivid dream. It was scary. It gave me chills.

I dream about these things a lot lately. Once, when I just started reading your books, I dreamed that I encounter the blackness. The nothingness. Like I am entering it. I understood: there is nothing in there. No fears, no hardships, but no happiness either. No-thing-at-all. It was scary, also, and a little bit sad, too. I was so grateful when I woke up that I could experience that so vividly in a dream.

No questions, just ranting... Thank you Jed <3
« Last Edit: February 11, 2018, 04:05:38 am by BreakingOut »

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2018, 05:30:57 pm »
I think I worry I wont be able to function, that I will go nuts. Won't be able to go to work, burden my parents... Won't be able to 'drive the car or stop safely'... What would I do then? How could I go back pretending to be a person? Will I be able to do that? Can you go to work the next day and pretend that you are a normal person?

Is that stupid, that these things worry me?

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #17 on: February 12, 2018, 03:37:44 pm »
Fear fear fear fear fear.... Every message I write here is pouring with the fear. Gross.

Today I was listening to your notebook. Precious. I love it even more then the books. (I know why actually and You know it too. Will deal with that later at some point) 

You said in one part:
Let the fear be your guide, which show you the next step, the next thing holding you in. It is my family and my preocupation to stay normal.

But the hunger is growing every day... I can see it getting bigger And bigger. Fear is also growing because the ego sees I am planning to kill it. The fear will not stop me.

Let the fight begin....

Fear mean it's time for adventure

Love you

Jed McKenna

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #18 on: February 13, 2018, 12:35:41 am »
To try to kill ego is to resist it an build it even bigger. Love it, love it intensely, become very aware of it's operations and thank is sincerely for it's good ''dream'' work.

Love Maya as well, she is totally amazing.

Love ya, Jed.

Caveat: Don't love your teacher, just use me... no more.

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #19 on: February 13, 2018, 09:17:29 am »
Well, that sounds much easier then killing it. Thank you. You changed in the last ten years... the core is the same but your approach to it is different.

I can see in some moments the masterpiece that ego is. The masterpiece of Maya. When I see it, I feel somewhat detached... It's a gentle feeling still. Happens to me when I look at other people who are totally imersed in their roles And don't even question them. Feels obvious to me then it is all a lie... The person part is not the important part of you. Then their talking, problems etc. seems so trivial And I feel so different from them. Then i go back into my role but there is always that revelation in the back of my mind.

Became much happier in the last few months. Have much less problems or things that bother me. I feel like I am on a mission or something. Also I feel like my soul is dancing or singing. I was addicted to weed actually And stoped smoking for good recently. Have many things to work on still but I already feel much lighter then before. Though it is still a conceptual realization more then experiental...

Thank you for all of that... Helping me to remove the gas curtain before my eyes... Thank you.

Jed McKenna

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #20 on: February 13, 2018, 10:53:11 am »
You're doing the work... not me. Stick with it.

Love ya, Jed.

P.S. Yeh, I'm getting a little soft in my old age.

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2018, 11:34:36 pm »
I started to realise how much the ego is preocupied by itself and how others are seeing it... and how much energy is lost in that process. All that limited energy going to waste. And why? To be looked at as good, nice, pretty, smart by fictional characters that are going to die as well as mine will. I mean, what the ****? :D

I saw how many things I did just to be percieved in a certain way. I was preocupied by that and missing the opportunity to be present, to feel, to hear, to see, to touch. Drained in the web of my mind. Having to be somehow to be good enough.

Well now that I can see it I plan to stop doing it deliberately. I want to do just things that I REALLY want to do, that is my genuine wish and inspiration and stop being who I am not.

And what I REALLY want to do is to find out where am I and what is this place, WHO am I. What is happeninggggg

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #22 on: February 14, 2018, 04:33:57 pm »
What is true?

I feel that I am trapped in this body. Like, I am not the body but I am somehow part of it... Or better, it is somehow part of me. More then bodies of other people. I can feel inside this body. Does that mean that I am this person? I dont know. I surely fell like I am, but also these ideas of no self are to me really attractive and I can not exactley point why. I am just drawn to them. They fell like true to me. But I can't confirm them. Didn't feel that.
Am I infinite projections of myself in infinite parallel realities? I mean the one thread of that infinite realities... That one which is 'happening' (materialising)...  In that case, there is no 'real' me, ie not phisical, one, consistent person but mixup of many worlds,... My body in that case is not really mine. I am some kind of a vibrational surfer, more or less aware of that. This seems true, I felt that once (on LSD), but at the same time now it sounds to me like some CRAZY story.... I can remember it pretty clearly but can not FEEL it anymore. I just intelectualize about these things lately.... That is no way to go.
Why do I want to go there (here)? I don't know either. Seems like the only right thing to do.
Would like to be smarter but that is it from me for now.... I am not sure that I got exactley how to do the SA.
What is true.... What do I know......

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2018, 01:51:03 am »
Sound so stupid now that I read it.. Like some New Age b.s.... I still believe it, but no belief is true

Jed McKenna

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2018, 04:37:09 am »
...uhh huh....

Cheers.

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #25 on: February 16, 2018, 04:56:27 am »
Uhh huhh indeed....

Cheers :D

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2018, 01:42:19 pm »
Ok... So I decided I will stop **** around and devote my dreamcharacter completely to figuring out the coding of this game. From now till the end this will be its first and foremost priority. So it will try to discover the context in which it exists, get out of it and free/love to death itself and free me. 

Here it has plenty materials and a GREAT Teacher (!) so it has more then enough to do it.

In every situation, and especially in those which are difficult, I will remember it is only a dream and detach myself from whatever is happening. See it from above. I will remember to do it.

Your help is greatly appreciated. I believe you know how much you are giving to all of us. Thank you. (I will say thank you in every post I think, srry for that but I can't stop it :))

Love
« Last Edit: February 18, 2018, 04:17:38 pm by BreakingOut »

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #27 on: February 21, 2018, 02:33:12 am »
I feel so happy and grateful. That I am alive, that I found your books and that I can live like this.

The world is looking much different when you don't involve yourself into the dreamcharacter's story. It is by my side all the time - the thought that it isn't real, whatever is happening. It is just a dream. It lifts SO MUCH heaviness from everything. It is not important, it is a dream! I love it. Although it is just a thought still, not a knowing, it already helps so much.

I feel so happy I want to sing. Or dance. It is a great feeling. Nothing happened objectively but everything is different...The perspective changed. I don't have to worry anymore.

I figured, the only thing that worries me still or making me nervous is will I be able to see it for myself, to break through. That is such unnecessary worry!  :D So I intend to let it go. Let it be!

Love and lots of thanks <3

Jed McKenna

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #28 on: February 24, 2018, 09:01:44 am »
Got it... now do it.

Love ya, Jed.

BreakingOut

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Re: It is starting
« Reply #29 on: February 24, 2018, 11:07:33 am »
Focus then further.

Seems every time that that my previous messages here look so ignorant to me when I read them again-my thought process is changing every day.  I guess that is normal so I will just get used to that and write here anyway!

Recently I flew by an airplane. I had a curious thought. The sun is always there, shinig, just we dont see it down there because of the clouds. Clouds blur up our perception. It seems dark and foggy, but up there there is sun shining right through, all the time. Just have to rise highly enough to see it.

I have the need to clear up my life from many unnecessary activieties. I have one question for you my dear Jed. I have excess amount of sexual energy that i dont know what to do with. It is a lot of energy, and it just seems to shift my focus and deconcentrate me. Do You have some advice how to deploy this energy for the progression on my way? What to do with it?

Love and thank you