INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Letting go = letting (it) be

Letting go

I walked to work and just came upon a small stone/rock about the size of a golf ball. It was probably basalt or dolerite or known in the NE as ‘Whinstone’ after the Great Whin Sill (the geological intrusion along which the Roman Emperor Hadrian, built his Wall – to keep the Scots out of England).  I popped it in the back top pocket of my shirt. At work I debated with myself whether to replace it with a larger one (representing a larger / more challenging memory) that would have been easy to go down to the Rock Mechaincs lab and have any one of my choice, but I stuck with what I had.

I chaired a long meeting at work and with the team. I had the rock in my top pocket and in order to avoid having to answer questions about what I was doing with a lump of basalt in my top pocket, I camouflaged it with a couple of pencils and a train ticket and occasionally my mobile phone as well.
Later I drove to Birmingham, getting there for 21:00 me and my colleague Chis went out for a meal. Going to bed, I decided to keep the shirt on (I usually do now have any clothes at night). Which ever way I lay, I could feel the stone was ‘pulling’ and occasionally when turning over I’d roll over onto it and it would be a needle into the ribs or chest. It was not un-ignorable but I had to keep adapting to it presence. It was not particularly challenging an I managed to sleep ok.

In the morning I undressed and went into the shower, being naked and thus having no pockets. I had to  hold the stone in my hand. This did not make for easy washing. In order to wash my hair and shave, and maintain contact, I stood on the stone with my let foots, suddenly its presence was no only un-ignorable it was really intrusive. I was unbalanced (hips slanted over to one side) and uncomfortable. Washing and therefore raising my right foot meant resting much of my weight on the stone via the soft skin of the instep of the sole de-stabilised my foundation. What was previously a small weight in a pocket now became a completely destabilising presence and I was having to hold onto the walls of the shower cubicle.

After 10 minutes I got out of the shower and dried off. Holding the stone made drying off difficult, so as me and the stone had been cleaned in the shower, and I reckoned there’d be room – I put the stone in my mouth – it fit – just. I’m sitting here writing into my SA notebook tasting the residual soil flavour of the stone. My experience is dominated now by this stone. I can function, after a fashion, but I can not breathe properly, If I wanted to I’d not be able to not speak, drink or eat, cough  sneeze, chew or smile or swallow properly. And my mouth is filling up with saliva and I’m going to start dribbling soon!
If this stone represents memories it can be easily ignored with little consequence – so long as there is lots going on it is relatively easy to both hide it from public view and to get on with your ‘normal life’. As I became more intimate with my personal life – symbolised by the removal of clothes which represent other memories, behaviours and characteristics etc of a ‘public persona’ this stone memory comes to centre stage and starts first to become very noticeable (still manageable) then hinder functioning and finally, as the process of refining or cutting away goes FURTHER the memory  becomes THE MAIN THING in experience dominating everything.

I need to dress and continue the day. I take the stone out of my mouth, dry it off with my hands. It is 23 hrs and 45 mins since I first pick up the stone. At this point I do not consider the stone has much more to teach so even though I’m 15mins short of the full day, I put it gently in the waste bin, dress and leave the room.  Standing in the corridor outside the hotel room and reflecting on this experiment, I linger with door pulled to but not closed. I am tempted to go back in to retrieve the stone from the bin as a momento of this very useful insight. I can already envisage where it will go – on the shelf in my office between a lump of green fluorite and a photo of my wife.  “Old habits die hard” I think – I gently pull the door closed and walk on.
During the course of the day, I noticed a small stone in my shoe – I removed it instantly. I also had things in my shirt pocket – pencils and train tickets – useful things. Used and then put away in a proper place – let go. Holding onto stuff has no useful function and really really gets in the way!

Dear Jed, this was an excellent experiment. Doing it made it 'personal' it helps really understand (I hope) – got any more?

Best, John

Thanks, Jed. And also thanks immensely for that research, John.

Excellent awareness. It's all a trap. Just watch it and avoid being sucked in.

But remember, Maya doesn't exist any more than you do. All means all and it's ALL illusion.

Sometime we just need a little story to move things along... where to... darned if I know.

Love ya, Jed.

In my experience the realization that there is no me making any decisions solves everything step by step.
I am not in control of life, life is controlling me. Meaning there is nothing I can do wrong and for that matter nothing I can do right.
If telling this to “others” they find this an attack to their core belief. The belief “I” exist. Find out if you really exist, find this person who wants to fight his mother, who wants to have sex, who is it that fights everything. Who is it and where is it made out of and what are you fighting.  If there is no realization that there is no YOU than putting things to the extreme doesn’t solve the letting go or anything else for that matter because you still think there is a you that has the power to make decisions. Find out there is no YOU controlling life but life is controlling YOU, nothing to do right or wrong. There is great liberation in it. But the price is YOU! Well now I have to let go of letting go.