Hi Jed,
No one here, for the first time. Thank you for your willingness to assist the rest of us out of this nightmare/daymare, once in a while sweet dream.
I have felt the TERROR of what seemed like an inevitable (and the word in my head was) 'annihilation' during meditation in the past; and then there is an automatic, for lack of better words, catapulting back into the room I've been meditating in. Over the years the fear has been experienced as losing all control (which appears I don't actually have any), the first time the voice in the head said I'd be some holy roller knocking on doors. The fear has also been experienced as an inability to handle the truth---that Everything I've ever thought was the truth is NOT, and the shock of that would be too much to handle. The mind has also informed me, (and I've experienced this) that waking up is going to be terribly boring, and/or extremely peaceful as there seems to be only silence and absolutely no movement here. Over the years, the terror has been decreasing in it's intensity to a.......intense fear.
Thank you for the reminder that underneath the fear is a gem. When I sit with feelings of anger, hurt is always underneath that, and fear always underneath that, and love is always found underneath that---as long as I sit with it long enough. Still..unsure of how to get to that place you point to of enjoying the fear. I will work on that, well, actually, I don't know WTF I'll do really!!! It appears as though the only thing 'I' can really do is watch what happens---and I can only do that once in a while because I seem to be lost some'where' the rest of the time.
Thank you, again, for being here, Jed, and everyone else, too.