Hi Jed McKenna,
I had a small kinda awakening experience in 2005 at the time living at my parents house lying on the sofa, listening to Adyashanti. I had the insight "I have never been who I have been going around thinking I am" or something to that effect. And in that moment it kinda felt like "I could be anybody". The clear space in front of me became more obvious. I actually went downstairs to my parents and told them about it and my father shared about memories from his childhood when he stood in front of the bathroom mirror asking "Who am I?"
Since then I have explored vastly all the concepts there are in the so called spiritual market place. Everything from Zen to Haunted Universe hehe. Like a new identity. Like now I am the spiritual dude who buys books and is special. It has never went to much of a fruition in my life sadly. Just postponing, year after year..
I just got an e-mail from my cousin. She have just read your books. Actually your first book was one of the very first spiritual books I read. I got this box of books from a friend and one of them was Damnedest. He got it from someone but he actually doesn't remember who gave it to him.
I guess now in hindsight it's kind of a special book to be one of your first books on spirituality. The other books were like the basics on Buddhism and stuff like that. I don't actually know which were more helpful.
You books have their appeal but I have never found them very effective in way. A bit too much, a bit to grandiose maybe for my sensibilities and conditioning. I am not very American. You have your expression and it doesn't appeal to everyone. What has appealed more is the more direct non-dual stuff of John Wheeler, Gilbert Schultz and Robert Wolfe.
The most helpful you have been for me is pointing to other sources like Scott Kiloby's Unfindable Inquiry. Not just pointing but actually serving as a gateway into his work so that I noticed it in a helpful way. I have been very much into the direct path. Or what I mean to say is it appeals to me very much but I have actually sat down and began doing the work yet. I always seem to elude myself. Occupy myself, avoid doing it, totally procrastinating my days away, sadly. I have an aversion to keeping the focus on me even though I feel and know that that is of course what needs to happen.
I participated a tiny bit on the old forum and then you said I seemed "scattered". I thought that was quite accurate. And you proposed that I should keep scattering myself to the edges of the Universe or something like that hehe
I will try to write here from time to time just to see what comes up. Maybe it will be helpful to me, I don't know.
I am going to start to do Scott Kiloby's unfindable inquiry. I actually bought a video series from him that I plan on engaging myself in. Maybe I can get back to you when I have started with that.
Everything always has that feel to it in my life... "I am going to do it..." but I just drag it out. Blleeeeehhh
Well, thank you very much for taking the time. I am very tired now and have to get some sleep. I am at the end of my semester in school so I will perhaps be quite busy the next two weeks.
I will write some more here soon! Really appreciating the possibility to write here and expose my folly, and maybe get some much needed structure to my life, some continuum that will provide fertile ground for exploring my own nature.
Many thanks!