INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Here i am starting new thread.

You said that you will destroy me if I let you.

I am letting you...

How should we begin?

Is it my turn to open up about something now?

J.

Hey J.

What have i done in my quest.

I dont think its that important but let me tell you chronogically what brought me here:
When i was younger i was experiencing solipsism quite hard - i was always wondering why me in the center of it all... why not somebody else.
Thus i was always trying to find some kind of an answer.

I started with Buddhism - i got this small book by Lama Ole and it was intriguing. The four truths.

Then i stumbled upon De Mello Awakening - and it really got me wondering about lot of things.
And funny thing is - one of my university proffesors was completely obsessed with this book, which i
discovered during his lecture when he was literally quoting de mello talking to his students. (Funny coincidence)

Then somehow i stubled upon Osho's Ultimate Alchemy of Upanishads and other books.
The Alchemy of Upanishads made me super scared for months... Not sure if some part of me died there, or was afraid for no reason.. Or maybe that was just a process of growing up. DOesnt matter now... But it was interesting back then. I was super scared of disappearing for a while...

Then there was U.G. Krishnamurti, Jiddu never really spoke to me... But U.G. seemed to be different - he was kicking ass...

Then Eckhart Tolle made his mark with the power of Now. I was meditating for a while and being weird - that stuff usually resulted from pain in experienced my love relationship felt apart.

Then again i got interested in U.G. and my friend introduced me to Course in Miracles. I didnt want to do the exercises but I listed to the whole book three times. QUite interesting.

And then that same friend introduced me to your books.
Very powerful stuff...
You made me aware that enlightenment is not what I thought it was. That it wont solve my problems or give me any superpowers to deal with tough life situations... In fact you kind of destroyed this concept for me, and i dont really know what it is right now or if it even exists...

Especially that it:
- Doesnt free you from fear
- doesn't help you make good decisions
- doesn't give you the confidence that you will live after the body dies

Then i tried a bit of autolisis and i was talking to you, but autolisis felt a bit forced. I never could get as serious like people in your books, who were literally skinning themselves alive and isolating themselves from society...

Then you recommended Peter Dziuban and Greg Goode, so i studied both books - Standing as awareness and Consciousness is All. I also studied simply notice.
I even got in touch with Peter and he was clarifying some stuff for me...

SO right now I think i am a bit stuck...
Cos whaterver i ask, or whatever i say - it appears that it is the mistaken state of thought which never existed that asks and doubts and needs answers... Wheres the boundless infinite consciousness that is the only thing that is never asks any questions because it simply is...

I am a bit scared that this has become some kind of new belief system, that i just grasp it all intellectually and repeat like a parrot...
But then again - the one thats scared is the mistaken state of thought... Not the real me...

As for the real me?
Being? Now? Presence?

Yeah i get that this body and all those experiences I am having are the same as experiences of an apple...
And according to what peter says in his books - there is no apple out there, just the experience, sensations right here...

However this body is ageing in time, is vulnerable to all the threats and damage of this world... The body has parents, has fiancee has dreams struggles  etc... It is a decent dream for sure, things are going well nothing really to complain... But who knows how long it will last? One day this body will get old, sick and will die...

Will I then be able to say? Oh this body was just a dream, I am the infinite boundless consciousness the only one that is...
I really dont know my friend...

(And then again - consciousness is not interested in saying anything, or worrying about the body ageing... so its the mistaken state of thought again - the one that doesnt exist)

Recently my father's close friend - a young guy - 28 years of age got run over by a truck driver when coming home from some volleyball match. And the guy ran away, not even stopping it took a while for anybody to see the young guy lying there dead... Parents suffering, big tragedy in the small town where my parents live... I knew the guy, he was happy funny and talkative young dude... The thought - "it could have been me" hit me to the face with full blast...

Yes, i know the friend never existed... it is just a story, an illusion that vanished, while the consciousness is being untouched... But saying that - makes me feel insensitive, detached or cold... Its more like rationalizing than knowing... (Again mistaken state talkin...)

SO there is this kind of a weird limbo feeling... Like yeah cool - consciousness is all... but it cannot be grasped or experienced. It just is...
There is no point in searching for it then...

At the same time i guess the good thing is - i am not trying to control my thoughts or emotions anymore - that was a crazy time...

Okay - i was brief before, now that message is super long...
But i thought i just needed to give you some insight so you can see whats going on here


Thanks!

J.

Haha thanks - especially for saying its pretty standard - that kicks my ego in the butt right of the bat.

Anyhow...

I guess my most important question right now would be - how to be that infinite boundless awareness, versus
look out from Jan's imaginary - non existing story...

But, as i just wrote this question, right away i know that this is looking from that story thats asking
the question...

J.



P.S.
I have some vague lingering abstract feeling about that NOW is... and everything else is just
appearing to be... Time - from not existing yet to already gone... never present here now...
Yet something seems to be. Especially if i think to my earliest memories, and before them, there
seems to be some kind of vague knowing that this always was here and never will go away. But then its
not like in time, its more like a one time event.

But I might just be lying to myself, and even though - it still doesnt help with anything.
Body is ageing, everything in this world is decaying and turning into dust... There is nothing
permament... and were all gonna die. The world seems ridiculous - which kinda makes me want to laugh at it,
at the same time i prolly wont be laughing when i am dying.

Love ya too J.

Dear JZ:

You asked, '... how to be that infinite boundless awareness, versus look out from Jan's imaginary'. I suggest contemplating, 'How can I not be that'.

Love ya, Jed.

Don't assume any position, be available to all positions. Never know what you will learn.

Love ya, Jed.

Hey Hey

So I was just recently wondering.

Who decides that you are done, or not.

What if the guys who claim to be Gurus were seeking all their life, and they saw the futility of it (or not). So they decided that from now on they are gonna be saying - I am enlightened master and act like enlightened master. So with that, they wrote a bunch of books, had lot of talks etc...

And all the sheep - blindly accepted that those guys - are now their enlightened ascended masters, who will guide them.

But maybe the whole deal is to be the guru, rather then look for gurus...
All you gotta do is read a bunch of books, and then repeat like a parrot what is said there...
Maybe you can then come up with a bunch of your own stuff mixing this guy and that guy, contradicting another guy and mixing it all together into your own SYSTEM...

Anyhow... I have to admit i have been suspecting that many of enlightened masters on youtube, and in history, bah everywhere... They just decided - okay fine from this day on i am enlightened, and i am gonna start talking to people as if i was...

And the funniest or most pathetic thing is that - nobody can ever verify whether this dude is enlightened or not.

I don't even know if that guy I am looking at or reading or listening to even exists. What if its my dream, a puppet appearing in my very own dream. What if I dreamed this person into existence...

Apparently I even dreamed me into existence.
Apparently there is nothing, and nobody here at all and everything is a dream.

The fact is that - there is solipsism.

Solipsism - is the philosophical idea that only one's own mind is sure to exist. As an epistemological position, solipsism holds that knowledge of anything outside one's own mind is unsure; the external world and other minds cannot be known, and might not exist outside the mind. As a metaphysical position, solipsism goes further to the conclusion that the world and other minds do not exist...

But where does it leave me? Nowwhere, it doesnt change anything - it doesnt lead anywhere... No answers come to my mind.
Solipsism - so what...

And then there is here and now.

Yup, totally agreed that it is all.
There is nothing else, just that.

...

the world is known only through sensations of the world.
the world and other people are indirect experiences only.

Only direct experience are sensations of the world. Sights, hearings, feelings etc...
I live in the world of my own sensations. There is no such thing as objective world, or objective truth.

Everything is subjective.
And nothing really matters, because I am locked in my own world of sensations, thoughts, feelings...

Its a small world. A small cage

Is that a peak of EGO?

What about here and now. Still here, as always. Never going away.
Honestly - I have not the slightest idea what the heck is going on here...

thanks for bearing with me...

J.

Dear JZ:

Please don't post any picture or vids. Forum rules.

So, there is a simple solution to all these things you are holding on to. Find 'you', but if that seems to much of a challenge, start by letting go. Something small and easy, as you are using a muscle that has atrophied throughout society.

If you hold on, you let go. Start small and just decide. If guilt or a story arises, just watch it and then release it. It's almost too simple and it's easy to dismiss as no bit deal, but try it.


Love ya, Jed.

Dear J:

Too many words. Back to the drawing board.

100 words or less and I'll do my best to answer.

Questions must be specif. Who, what, where, when, why, how... followed by a question mark. Please don't ask for my comment on something as I will just wander off into b.s. land.

Specificity is called for. I know you can do it.

Love ya, Jed.