Author Topic: Kill List  (Read 820 times)

anybritt

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Kill List
« on: July 24, 2017, 07:40:58 pm »
You wrote that no one knows what everything is until they’re paying it. I don't have a question, but I'm praying for the willingness to let truth burn through what comes up next.

1. Love - protection against the fear of no self
2. Memories - attempts to make guilty
3. Curiosity - desire for evidence of things that aren’t true
4. Empathy - perpetuation of other people's illusions
5. Attraction - engagement of others in my illusions
6. Respect - inflation of irrelevant personal preferences
7. Specialness - protection against the fear of no self

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Jed McKenna

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2017, 01:06:29 am »
Dear Anybritt:

You wrote: ''You wrote that no one knows what everything is until they’re paying it.'' I don't understand what you are saying. Maybe that it's a typo (of which I too make a number of) or maybe English is not your native tongue.

Please clarify.

Thanks in advance.

Love ya, Jed.

anybritt

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2017, 03:42:47 am »
Third option, an incomplete quote.

The price of truth is everything, but no one knows what everything is until they’re paying it.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2017, 10:59:44 am »
That's better and as good as it is, it goes further. All one has to give is ALL their illusion, which means ''everything'' in the dream.

What do you want and what are you willing to give for it?

Love ya, Jed.

anybritt

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2017, 06:54:02 pm »
I want freedom. I want to stop reading from the script. I want to burn up the collection of lies that make up my character. Personal affectations (cute lies), looped internal dialogues (neurotic lies), sentimentality (cherished lies), desperation (manic lies). So what’s stopping me? There's something stopping me or I wouldn't be here writing this. I'm profoundly discontent at this pony show I called my life, but I have a desire to linger a little while. To kiss every one and every thing goodbye before I go. Or something. None of it seems so scary anymore, but it is still sticky. I've got to get going.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2017, 09:47:26 pm »
You sound like a pretty bright cookie... just keep doing what you are doing and be a little (or perhaps a lot) more patient with self... and others.

Love ya, Jed

P.S. And learn to breathe properly.

anybritt

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2017, 11:35:34 am »
Breathing, yes. Thank you for that.

In my kill list so far I traced two things back to the fear of no self. They probably all reduce down to that. I'll do that math later. But what dawned on me today is that no self can't be scary - there's no one there to be afraid. What's scary is one notch below that, the isolated self. The fear of being alone. Ok so, why is that scary? What is it I think is going to happen? Nothing can happen. Except, oh yeah, the entire infrastructure of "me" collapsing on itself because it requires some one else to perceive it to maintain the illusion that it exists.

And what does that amount to? A magnificent explosion at the end of the world. Or, like, a soap bubble popping. Depends who's looking.

Did I really just slay that (imaginary) dragon? Can I get away with this? Is Maya going to come looking for me? Can I keep going?

Jed McKenna

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2017, 07:56:08 am »
I suggest you SHUT UP AND JUMP!

Lovingly of course....

Cheers.

anybritt

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2017, 05:41:13 am »
Thanks for nothing! And everything. But mostly, nothing. :D  ;)

Jed McKenna

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2017, 01:25:49 pm »
Cheers dear......

Love ya, Jed.

anybritt

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2017, 08:17:57 am »
Suddenly I'm on the outside. And everything inside is exactly as it was, except bathed in perfect light. Everything is perfect and there has never been anything wrong. Why was I so upset, so twisted up about things! How did I not see how rich I am. What wonderland had been laid out for me! And I spent years gazing at my shoes and feeling sad or happy, responding to little stimuli, telling stories. Wrapped up, locked up from the full, voluptuous, dream fluff, magic universe that can never hurt me. Because whatever is, whatever appears to happen, is the dream and because it is, it is perfect. By virtue of being, it is right. Except nothing really is and the opposite couldn't be wrong. The concepts don't apply anymore. So there's no mechanism to even question anything. It just is. Appears to be. And I just watch. And I can interact, through this avatar who I sort of love. That brat though, she really took herself for a ride. Oh the trouble she created for herself. It's all so funny now. I laughed so hard. Just like I thought I would when I died. Just like I think everyone will when they die. They'll all get the joke, and they won't be mad about it at all. They'll say how perfect, what a perfect trick! And that's why I can't even fathom feeling sorry for anyone having a bad time. They'll laugh so hard before too long.

anybritt

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2017, 11:25:08 am »
The word that keeps coming to my mind for what is happening now is "dismantle". My once-celebrated and carefully maintained personality, along with all the little artifacts from 30 years of a fearful life are being ruthlessly dismantled. It's been several months of this. Several months of solitude and reading and occasional nausea and only a little panic. What once terrified me is exhilarating now. Friends and family have graciously left me pretty well alone. But the forced interactions at the office have become almost physically painful. Lately, I am like a cat brushed backwards every time someone interacts with me. Or more precisely, every time I'm expected to interact with someone. I'm expected to have opinions! bring ideas! and defend them!  :o :o :o

I appear to have a choice here. Quit my job, face financial ruin but be free to slip into anonymity  ::) - or stay and consider this ego-activating circus show part of my uh, spiritual practice.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2017, 08:27:59 am »
Nothing new there....

Love ya, Jed.

anybritt

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2017, 10:01:17 am »
Oh ::) yeah. I realized I was walking around thinking I'm doing something important.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Kill List
« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2017, 10:48:38 am »
It's not like you are alone in that... might as well enjoy it.

Love ya, Jed.