Hi Jed. I've come to see the underlying fear in all human activity. Even and especially the nice things like love, hobbies, art.. I see the fear of no self that makes the constant invention and maintenance of personhood seem necessary, normal, and even healthy. Because of this I can't participate in life like I used to. I'm ok with this, I know that's the price of truth, but I still have a slightly nauseous feeling - like I've destroyed my home and there is no going back.
I see now what you mean when you say the truth really has nothing to recommend it, except that it's true. "It takes all the amusement out of the amusement park; no meaning, no significance to anything, no reason to get out of bed in the morning."
Is this what it is like to enter adulthood? How do I go further and start to recognize my function?