INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Hi.
Okay, let's give this a try.

There's been a lot of progress since I left the previous forum (bucky). The step into full "no-self" has just recently been taken. After about a year of digesting the realization/implications of the fallacy of objectivity/physicality, I noticed a clear shift in how I relate to the presence of myself/the universe a couple of weeks ago. It was a transition that "fell into place" during the length of a week and it's now abidingly clear that present reality is purely phenomenal and that Kris/I, don't exist. It's not some pretty talk or mental position anymore but a just a direct "normal" seeing of my own phenomenal nature and sporadic coming and going, without the superimposing of objective properties or perceptual capabilities onto it. The coin of "no-self" has fully and abidingly dropped, so to speak.
A significant deeping of hollowing out has followed after this "threshold" was passed and there seems to be almost a 100% experiential progress of "unconditioning" every day since. I can't put it into words, but it's clear that - while Kris keeps on being Kris as if nothing has happened - the unreality/dream-like nature of myself is becoming more and more clear and "normal" for every day that passes, and, as I said, with a clearly felt and noticeably progressive "hollowing out" accompanying it. I suppose it's exactly like becoming a lucid dreamer, or a "transparent witness" as Greg Goode calls it.

It seem there's not much let to sort out in regards to the "dramatic" aspect of phenomena since my non-existence became a living reality, and now it feels like the natural next step is to focus my attention on the pure "substance" of awareness/phenomena itself - the pure sensory experience of seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking etc - sort of intimately investigate "raw reality" to try to penetrate the veil of objectification and make the "witness", or "subject/object mode of perceiving", dissolve through it (as I've managed to do at times before, though I didn't feel close to as "ripe" then, as I feel now).

Currently I'm basically just staring at things, listening intently to sounds, sensations, etc, trying to intuitively "get in touch" with pure experiencing on an as raw as possible plane. A friend has suggested to try to achieve a form of "sharp focus" that makes it feels like you "see all the details super clearly" when staring at objects, as being able to produce this type of "focus" was a key for his final dissolving into abiding non-dual. This is something I'm curious to investigate at this stage as I've had experiences during my journey when I've briefly shifted into non-dual that had this exact sense of "sharp focus" accompanied with it. If anyone knows anything about this and have suggestions on how to learn to achieve it, I'm very interested. Please share in this thread.

Otherwise I'm trying on various perspectives and areas of focus, and sometimes I feel like combining it with "softly tasting" some simple pointer/question to see if it can "break the spell" of this weird pretending game and "reveal that I'm already there" - for instance "what is it that is going to shift into non-dual?" or something along those lines, and it often brings some level of deepening lucidity when it comes spontaneously.

It seems it's hard to make anything happen at this stage. The "opening" will come if and when it'll come. If I'm going to find anything here, I'm guessing it's going to be some tip on how to approach investigating raw phenomena, or some simple pointer/question that just spontaneously throws me into lucidity or even non-dual.

Thanks Jed
/Kris

Okay, so here's some questions I'd like to ask:

Do you know what I was referring to with the "super focus"-mode that can dissolve subject/object perceiving?
Do you have any suggestions on ways to make exploring phenomena/experiencing more efficient, or "obstacles" to it - like in regards to the actual execution?
Do you have any experiments I could try or books/authors to recommend that are knowledgeable in this area?
Do you have any alternate routes/techniques for direct exploration?
Concrete thoughts are much appreciated.
Thanks!

Hm... Given how different each new day is at this point, and how unnatural and forced writing generally feels now a days, perhaps I'll try to make use of this place to just have an incentive to just sum up the state of each day a bit. Writing, pretending it's for someone who gives a ****, could maybe make me produce something of value, for myself, indirectly, so to speak. I don't know. Maybe it's just for this one time.

Anyway. So today has been a cool day. What fell into place today actually started yesterday I think, with hanging out with a friend who I found myself completely overwhelmed with love for, when I saw directly, clearly, completely "normally" that both of us were "the exact same indistinguishable experience". I felt it. It was pretty neat.

So, towards the evening today that "love" and "the exact same experience" **** felt like it fell into place more fully. The best way I can describe it is that I, for instance, look at my hand and then at the room surrounding it, and now knowing as a complete "normal" thing that this present "field" within which both my hand and the surrounding room resides, is of the nature of direct experiencing/awareness/knowing rather than physical objective ****, it's like "I/Kris" more fully fell "into" this field. It's the transition I was describing in the first post where it's like I now see present reality as a fleeting dream/experience wherein nothing exists in itself, rather as some objective universe, that is falling more into place. Like, it seems there was some subtle part of "I/Kris" that still had an imaginary objective foot "outside" the present field of experience, but now today, I/me more fully fell "into" it, is how it felt. It's a bit strange. For instance it occurred to me that "looking" - like the feeling of eyemovement along with shifting colors is happening INSIDE OF "seeing". Seems like these small things are deconstructing the perceiver bit by bit. The sense of witnessing is very strange. Very vague. I'm not in non-dual, but the witness simultaneously feels completely hollow, or something. And there's also a growing experience of Kris being completely automagical - more just like a character in himself - a supporting character in the show - rather than the perceiver/subject/protagonist of it. Like I'm just some random guy walking around being spontaneously Krissy for no good reason, and without anyone present to give a **** in this field/room of experiencing. Like, who the **** is controlling Kris? How do I make him do stuff? Did he just fart BY HIMSELF? Wtf!? Something like that...
There's also been this sense of contentment. Or unconcernedness during basically the whole day. Or, like, a new level of it. I suppose it has to do with self-interest getting weaker and weaker as I'm dissolving, or whatever you wanna call it. Yeah, it's definitely like that. Like, now, as Kris becomes an "extra" on the set, instead of being the mighty hero, it's just like; moment to moment. No big thing to live up to anymore. No one gives a ****. I don't know. Hard to put into words. It's not that I think about it like this. It's just the felt absence that is made visible through this relative picture.
It's seem the overall thing now is a transitioning into a reality of pure experiencing where Kris becomes a completely automagical and random dude inside of it. Awareness is real, and what's going on inside of it is just ****ing weird. Dudes running around inside of the space of experiencing as if it was all for real. It's strange how absolutely obvious it is now, and how absolutely not-obvious it was just a couple of weeks ago. It's so non-mystical, and yet it's the most spaced out thing ever. But anyway, it's clicked now and now the process of re-writing my direct interpretation/filtering of reality is unfolding very quickly it seems. It's like I got all whole bunch of context for this on queue since way back, and now it's just falling into place seamlessly and effortlessly as this direct seeing of reality as pure awareness has been established.

Okay, as I just saw that this place will have a member limit I'll get out of the way so that someone else can enjoy the pleasure of getting "furthered" up the ass by all our beloved Guru.

But while saying goodbye and speaking of further - here's a story:
"Further" might have very well been one of my most important teachers, though probably not in the way it was intended. Instead it served as the final wake up call to stop ****ing subjecting and shaping myself and my life to please outer authority. It was ultimately Jed and his ****ing "further" that brought me to a point of such intense confusion and lostness that I literally couldn't make myself move, neither mentally, emotionally, nor physically, at all anymore, and so had no choice but to drop everything, sit the **** down and get in touch with my own heart and natural authentic movement.
As far as I'm concerned that is the "first step", and I don't mean that in within a enlightenment context, but within a LIFE context. The day when human adulthood, non-dual awareness and further were tossed on the furnace along with all other types of outer authorities you can ever think of, was the day I fully took claim of my own existence and something called "life" begun.

It's funny like that. You trip over this enlightened dude and he tells you "further", and that seems to make all the sense in the world, until one random day, when you find yourself existing, and kinda wondering what the hell you've been doing and who the hell you've been listening to up until then, to make you not see it.

It's so ****ing easy to be genuinely content and feel that life make sense - you just have to get in touch with your own heart and natural movement and let yourself and the universe flow (and insta-point the middle finger straight up at anyone who tries to "tell" you what's what and what to do). That's honestly all there is to it imo.

Good luck to everyone finding the game your heart wants to play!
/Kris

(Thank you Jed!)