-This will hit at some point.
- As stupid as it sounds:
currently,- I can't cry properly.-
That is I wait to get the house to myself. When I do, I can cry a bit. But to really let it flow, it gets too loud,-way too loud. It feels rude to make that much noise.
-on the flip side,- if it doesn't rise up- thats it. Game over.
-I can't even think properly the rest of the time cos I'm so numb. - I can't think enough to try and find a mourning house- or some place where I can really let it out.
-the shrinks are all possessed by aliens.
-It impossible to half arse on the thinking with this stuff-- so if I'm not in it-- I go back to default brain,- which is ridiculous, - but sitting on the line between the two is impossible, you just get swept along in the floods.