Author Topic: Lionox  (Read 979 times)

lionix

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Lionox
« on: June 27, 2015, 09:01:25 am »
Started listening to spiritually incorrect enlightenment yesterday and I don't know yet if i should thank my brain for soaking up the info or hate it. But the snowball is rolling and i believe there is no way back.

Short background: I have been lightly involved but highly interested into spirituality and meditation for over a decade now. Till yesterday I found Vipassana meditation the closest thing for gaining 'real' insight because unlike other 'techniques'  Vipassana isn't focussing on altered states of consciousness or feeling 'relaxed'. But just how reality works.

Back to yesterday: After ~60min of listening I had this crazy experience. I don't like to call it a moment of insight or satori because I don't like to get caught up in concepts. But I was at fully observer mode of the mind. I had this before with vipassana but with vipassana you adress the feeling/emotion and it goes away when put light on. But in this case everything was going on, like the mind stressing about work, making weekend plans etc, but I was floating in a way above my mind while everything happened. (not an out out of body experience but a out of mind experience sort of speak).

of course i chased this 'state' of the rest of the day without any success. 'something' clicked. good or bad i don't know.

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Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2015, 04:05:29 am »
Dear L:

Thanks for sharing. I strongly suggest that ANY experience you have, you just ignore it and move on. What you really seek will not come as an experience.

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2015, 01:03:31 pm »
Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

I'm moving further and go backwards at the same pace. What i learned in just a few days (after a decade of spiritual '
 learning') the ego is not what I think it was or what i learned about it. It is way more fragile i could ever imagine. I face it more and more often. Before i meditated on it but now i learned this was just another defence mechanism. Or maybe not even that, just another concept.

You say: "ignore it and move on"

Howto ignore, and how to move on?

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2015, 06:54:20 am »
How to ignore and move on? Well, do exactly the opposite of what you are doing now, i.e., clinging to it and going nowhere. It's simple, just do it, or not.

Love ya, Jed.

Game Hint: Don't ''Try'', just do it.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2015, 11:13:59 am »
Hi jed, thanks. And i mean thanks really.
Sorry for my previous question, I was somewhat a vague without any foundation. I’m currently swallowing it all up and try(just do it) not to come up with more question than needed.
The past years I was really stuck on this journey, and the advice u gave me (ignoring experiences good or bad) and words from your book actually snapped all the strings I had with my past teachings/teachers and believes in a matter of days (it literally snapped without any resistance). This process was good, i know this.
The past years i have been living in this void and meditated on too much bull****(like what karma means, non attachment and other stuff just to temporarily chase a different state) instead of seeing the bigger picture. I see it now, i sure do, but still not there yet. I also see that i’m in this body with all the emotions, drama, psychical pain and strength and no amount of meditation or drugs(didn’t try that) will enable truth realization. I know this also. These things will just cure a few unpleasant symptoms at best. I also see myself play the drama called life. I knew about this 10 years ago as a concept, but now I actually see it for what it is. Automatically this brings a kind of ‘flow’ state with it but i'm not after that. Flow is just a cool byproduct. I had periods of depression before, and i still do. Yesterday evening I was ‘in’ it. Normally I would do ‘stuff’ to fix this issue, but not this time. I looked at it. I tried to answer questions about it. And finally I asked what u talk about...What is truth...What is this… And who am I. And who feels depressed. After a while of cutting...these questions I cannot answer... every time I come out to just empty. Absolutely nothing, and no thoughts about what this nothing might be. Empty as empty something can be. The day after I continued your book and strangely u open the subject about depression and this state of depression is actually the void. When not afraid, why try to escape it?
What my real question is: U say turning 180 degrees from what I’m doing now. But how do i know i didn’t turn 360 degrees? How do I know i arrived at the startline?
« Last Edit: July 02, 2015, 11:16:43 am by lionix »

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2015, 09:26:03 am »
Forget the q. Ive got it
Further

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2015, 02:16:45 am »
 8)

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2015, 03:53:16 am »
jed, in warfare u speak about 'authentic desire'. Yet, destroying ego is mission nr1.
For one not truth realized, the 'authentic' part can also be maya disguised...

How to deal with this in everyday living?

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2015, 07:27:46 am »
See everything as authentic and in-authentic at the same time.

The trick is neither exists, other than in thought... and you know about that.

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2015, 12:45:44 pm »
Roger that. so just keep on floating in this void doing nothing important or unimportant at all. I even cannot imagine why people found this a depressing thing...am i delusional? probably i am, but hey, delusion is a concept, and all concepts are false so this delusion projected from the void on me where does this come from? (this isn't a question)

Alright enough with this crap. Just breathe. thanks Jed ;)

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2015, 11:54:20 am »
Jed,
its been a while. I’ve been back and forth maya’s playground the past months but the predominant force is further.  It’s like some forces want me to go back to go to the mother's womb (translated: make new goals, do other stuff to feel ‘happy’ etc) but when I land in that playground there isn’t any ‘me’ feeling behind it. The ‘me’ character wants it but I automatically move away from it for some reason without effort or doing a ‘trick’. Nothing out there resonates. Even depression or happiness. It all flows and I float in it.

But still a small q: is this it? i’m not coming from a depressed angle but i’m curious. what’s even more further after this?

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2015, 10:44:11 pm »
Dear Feline Character:

Nope, not it... as indicated by the fact you have to ask. But, excellent clarity and you are close, now... you tell me what...

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2015, 02:00:38 pm »
I don't know...

What i do know. I arrived @ zombie town. After finding out my character is one. Now I see zombies all around me. It makes my character feel funny. Not sad. because it is one of 'them'.

poor explanation, but i struggle allot with words :)

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2015, 03:18:48 am »
Not a problem... I often find myself struggling with words, then I just give up.

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2015, 04:01:34 pm »
'Hello' was my learning point for today. strange and scary word in my case.
I was doing my way of spiritual autolysis (or whatever bullsh* name i should call it) and as always ended up as always with zero further to go (so i thought) but for some reason I was curious what is was like to say 'hello' to me or this thing i call me. and so I did.

I expected an echo but didnt get any. hart started racing like i was having a panic attack and was to afraid to watch this thing out so Maya interrupted me and I was allready wrting this story in my head on this forum.

I didnt go further with this. Anyway, this 'hello' thing isn't pleasant nor unpleasant. Gives this idea of a void like actually IN it.
Dont know how to describe it actually.

But as any experience...ignore and further. thanks Jed ;)