Author Topic: Lionox  (Read 979 times)

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2015, 07:44:05 am »
My pleasure  ;) ;) ;)

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2016, 03:19:30 pm »
Hi jed, i’m back
Looking back it's amazing to see how these ‘stages’ of this process we call...Going INSANE and beyond evolve. This long last period wasn’t that nice(more like horror) but i do appreciate the beauty of it.
I did understand intellectually all that buddhist ‘crap’ like non attachment, non thriving etc. But actually going through it was kind of though. I literally looked for new hobbies, passions etc just to go back to Maya’s playground one more time and feel the excitement, emotions that come with it. I wanted to be back in play again. But that’s gone. Last post i was able to do that for a brief time but i kicked back to reality after a while. These intervals where getting shorter and shorter untill the point of... I cannot go back only further. I lost all desire, and 1 week ago I was at my lowest. When i look back at those moments it's like looking at another (depressed) person.
now, i'm cutting more and more chains and it feels wonderful...untill the next stage comes to it’s end ;)

This, feeling ‘at ease’ thing i’m experiencing right now without any desires, goals etc, is this healthy or im litteriry go Insane...feels like psychopaths must have a kick ass time! :D
« Last Edit: March 02, 2016, 03:22:05 pm by lionix »

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2016, 12:13:40 am »
Relax, you are doing sane. Everyone else is insane. Be patient and forgive them.

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #18 on: March 04, 2016, 12:52:35 pm »
your healthy recipe for relaxation?

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #19 on: March 04, 2016, 11:57:27 pm »
Breathe like a sleeping baby. They seem pretty relaxed to me.

Love ya, Jed

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2016, 11:10:20 am »
I am walking in the same damn circle. I call it the Lionix 5 step program: In my case:
1.   Going back to old teachers hoping i get ‘more’ out of it. They bore me out so up to step 2
2.   Finding old or new hobbies sports to ‘be’ IN the world again instead of zombie mode. This always turns out bad because there is no drive anymore so up to step 3
3.   Say the f word to spirituality and drink alcohol and buzz the brain out for comfort
4.   Finding ways to quit the alcohol again and knowing it’s meaningless in the end so keep on drinking
5.   Spam here

And every time the process is more and more not serious compared to what it was before. The funny thing is, every time the step between step 4 and 5 something is (un)learned. Laying in my bed(sober) staring at the wall not thinking, or not trying to ‘find’ something, makes more sense compared to 2 hours of insight meditation. It’s a sort of contentment, but it difficult to explain in words because it doesnt feel good or bad. what’s further, rince and repeat?

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2016, 11:36:47 am »
Your staring at the wall might be quite useful. You may well be dwelling in the I AM. Have a look see.

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #22 on: June 17, 2016, 02:59:35 pm »
thanks jed. at first ego told me why I should know better and flushing centuries of 'old' wisdom down the toilet. but it is indeed the best step ever.
dont know what it is but more often thoughts come and I see them clear. but in between I realize nothing and everything. not as in a experience or bliss or whatever. Just plain old No Thing. and even those words don't say 'it'.

Only think i did noticed (negative) lately that it's sooo tiresome to be around other people. like an 900% increase.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #23 on: June 17, 2016, 11:48:42 pm »
Well, I certainly agree that it can be tiresome around people, until you get ''it''. When there are no people, no world and no universe, it becomes quite entertaining.

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #24 on: July 13, 2016, 04:52:34 pm »
hi jed, I did see this 'entertainment' in the past when spirituality was nice and chill. but it moved from entertainment to just 'deadness' as in zombie mode.
for example, i do face challenges in daily life like today  (fireing people etc). for my space suit (your worlds) it doesn't feel great. i do feel emotion, but that's over within 5 minute. after that i just see myself think etc. this 'distance' is going greater and greater by the week but i also think it's just a trick of the mind just to feel 'comfortable' in every situation. Like i want a way back or something just to 'feel'

do i go serial killer mode?


   

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #25 on: July 14, 2016, 12:32:49 am »
NO! Go into mono-mode killer. There is only one thing ever worth killing. You know it, now go do it..

1....2.... 3.... NOW!

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #26 on: June 18, 2017, 04:30:14 am »
Hi Jed, this morning a song was playing in my head. Over and over. So i tried to make an effort to get rid of it. Then this voice came in, i should probably meditate on it and accept it and all that blabla. Then I realized this 'accepting' is also an effort, so now i have this song and my spiritual ego playing in my head. and just for an instance this thought came up: 'to whom is all this sh*t happening?'  this void (I use void by lack of other words) came up. Not like a experience with bright lights or anything else. But more like 100% nothing. There was thought but not me or mine. And even that would not describe it. After a few sec adrenaline came in and my thinking was, if i pushed this further i probably have a psychosis or something.

So my question: should i go further on that 'i am (not)' or neglect it because even this was a spiritual nonsense game maya plays.

thank you and btw, love your new book!



 

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #27 on: June 18, 2017, 05:55:10 am »
If you experience it then it's not T/R. So... further.

And thanks for the kind words.

Love ya, Jed.

lionix

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #28 on: June 18, 2017, 03:06:29 pm »
that's what i thought. thanks again ;)

Jed McKenna

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Re: Lionox
« Reply #29 on: June 19, 2017, 02:44:27 am »
 ;) ;) ;)