Hi jed, i’m back
Looking back it's amazing to see how these ‘stages’ of this process we call...Going INSANE and beyond evolve. This long last period wasn’t that nice(more like horror) but i do appreciate the beauty of it.
I did understand intellectually all that buddhist ‘crap’ like non attachment, non thriving etc. But actually going through it was kind of though. I literally looked for new hobbies, passions etc just to go back to Maya’s playground one more time and feel the excitement, emotions that come with it. I wanted to be back in play again. But that’s gone. Last post i was able to do that for a brief time but i kicked back to reality after a while. These intervals where getting shorter and shorter untill the point of... I cannot go back only further. I lost all desire, and 1 week ago I was at my lowest. When i look back at those moments it's like looking at another (depressed) person.
now, i'm cutting more and more chains and it feels wonderful...untill the next stage comes to it’s end
This, feeling ‘at ease’ thing i’m experiencing right now without any desires, goals etc, is this healthy or im litteriry go Insane...feels like psychopaths must have a kick ass time!