INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Dear Jed

Thank you for setting this up. What comes up is nervousness, and also sincerity.

My story: I did a LOT of meditating (TM and its advanced techniques)  in my 20s and 30s. I'm now mid 40s. I did it, not to get anything, but because I loved it. I joined the organisation and 90% of the time it was great fun. Then one day about 15 years ago, I remember, Maharishi told a group of us "there is only one objective in life, being, just be, that's it, finished". I know that at that time, I had got interested in enlightenment i.e. I had become goal oriented. I had got into Nisargadatta, Ramesh Balsekar, Osho, Guru Gita, Ashtavakra Gita, Yoga Vasistha. So at that time I was meditating to get something. But when Maharishi said that sentence, it was like the floor fell away, and to cut the story short, within a couple of years, I was out of the TM organisation, trying to meditate but it wasn't really happening, and unpleasantly depressed. The whole life "mission" i.e to meditate to get enlightened and to create world peace, had collapsed. It was pretty awful, albeit a first world problem.

I didn't jump off a cliff, although thought about it, and then slowly (over a couple of years) it became clear that, you only have to do the next thing. In fact not even that, your mission is what's happening.

So now it seems that I am still completely fascinated by the enlightenment thing. I love Byron Katie since to me she appears to be a great teacher. It looks like seekers can get on at any point in their lives and find some benefit. Whether her method will get you to be like her I don't know.

I go to see Tony Parsons quite a bit for some non compromising non duality entertainment. He's fun.

Why am I registering on this forum? I liked your books. But I don't get the "done" concept. I don't see how anything can ever be finished. I don't see how you can say anything for sure, since the next second, it can all change. So I don't see how enlightenment can exist. Forgive me if I've misunderstood. Please "enlighten" "me"

Also, I still get this urge to "help" people, and I'm not very good at it. I kind of think if I was going to die tomorrow, what would I regret. The one thing would be that I didn't write that book. One like yours. One that got people being grateful that I wrote it. But I haven't done it because those books have already been written, so I'd just be recycling. So not yet.

I see that this is all a story, sometimes it seems real, sometimes not, and again, not in my control. I don't see what else is possible. If I'm missing something, do tell me.

Thanks Jed

Mark

Dear Jed
 
Apologies for the delay in replying. I wanted to let your question sink in since on the face of it I wasn't clear on the motive for entering into this communication with you.

My immediate thought was that I didn't have any "stored up" desires like freedom, enlightenment, or TR. Desires come up but they seem to be 99% short term - "go for a walk", "make a cup of tea" etc.
 
But then I noticed a pattern where desires come up that don't fall into that category. And they are the ones which normally contain an energy of wanting to possess, and sometimes an energy of wanting to repel.

Specifically, actual desires for:
•   an object (example - old rolex watches (I am obsessed, really!))
•   an experience (the perfect motorbike ride - smooth effortless cornering, high speed, fresh air, at one with the machine)
•   sexual desires (why can't I date younger women - because my wife would be upset and I don’t want that, but but -- conflict!)
•   physical appearance (I don’t want to look any older, hence my dyeing my hair which is starting to grey)
•   the desire to be free of all desires i.e to "get everything done".

Intellectually I understand that these desires arise and that I'm not the author of them but that doesn't stop me wondering whether it's possible to be rid of them, without being dead! It’s also slightly confusing since desiring is sometimes ok (fun even) but more often it feels like a weight or an itch that won't go away.

Mark
 

ok will do

that last point you made is quite the curveball

Hi Mark:

I think you basic assumption is there is a you that can get something or go somewhere. Have you ever had any success in finding 'you'.

Love ya, Jed.