Hi Jed, nice that you started. A new forum
My path started when I was between 7 and 9 when I thought why am I me and not someone else, my thoughts were spinning and and suddenly there was an anxious feeling. Around the same time, I heard someone say that Einstein had said that one day somebody would find out what all the other theories will overrule . I thought that I would be the one who would invent that theories . And here I am now reading the book the theory of everything from Jed.
My whole life gone smoothly and has never lack of something , I had everything a nice home, good job, dear girlfriend and a son, all exactly what society expects. But there was always something gnawing discontent, also about society and that I didn't belong here , like a stranger in a strange land. Discontent progressed to escape into addiction. The addiction has led me to surrender and opened my eyes a bit, were I am still be grateful for that.
3 years ago I was in a clinic which I could work for 4,5 months on myself ,and am come into contact with the twelve-step program that should lead to a spiritual awakening. I've done the steps and from there I continued my search in spiritual awakening. (what could be said its an other addiction. )
I started reading a lot from the Magic to Jed McKenna, from Ron Smothermon to watts, from wei wu wei to Douglas Harding, until now I'm reading the direct path (Goode) and theory of everything
I've been a few times of short duration completely depressed, which was okay and gave me some insights. I've also been a while numb to feelings and thoughts. wich was strange but ok to.
During the day i am reading meditation, do prayers (guiding from the universe , not my will ), if I have to wait I do mindfulness, I often think: who is? Who hears? Who thinks? Who is talking ?. Who asks the questions? I read and then I go for a walk to think about what has been read. I unlearning (not in writing but in thought)
where I am now is that there is a logical understanding but its not realized
some understandings:
it is as it is, and it had never been able to go otherwise.
There is no doer behind all senses, there is no librarian of thoughts or memories .
Everything or almost everything is hearsay.
There is almost no control over anything.
Do not value the personal story or thoughts of past and future.
The seeker is the sought
etc
For now it seems to me that there is little to do but the things that are above and look at what comes to thoughts and continue unlearning. And the question is how to jump, everything burning flat come home, realize I AM / aware, killing the Guru in my thoughts.
i am curious why it can be simple , but it isn't.
It's funny, I hear whole my life my name, but I still do not understand the “Men-No”
be well
M
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