Also, I think I started life as a Taoist, basically. Without knowing I was. Without knowing, I enjoyed it and took it for granted, but I also "stepped off the path" later in life because at some point the ego "woke up" and tried to control things.
The Nothing thing was needed to remind me of something. Coming back home in a way. To what I already was.
I do live on the outside of it. I don't consider myself enlightened, I know I'm not living that way, although "I" know certaintly I had the "experience." (I know you would say it's not an experience, and I know it wasn't too, but to come back into the dream and be part of it, to use the colloquial language, I term it an experience, "something that happened" because from INSIDE the dream, it happened in the "past." Its annoying trying to talk out of both sides of my mouth and speak honestly while knowing what I'm saying for myself, but knowing the translation of it in words may not reflect properly. 😅)
This long aside is to say, I NEEDED your books and such when they were more directly about the nothingness of it. The truth of it. Period. But I often didn't connect with them in some way.
Your more recent books and the evolutions you've taken (in the dream I suppose), even though the truth thing is the same and unchanging, I connect with your stuff more now as a "person." I like the love aspect, or warmth aspect of things. There's a joyfulness I missed. And I'm glad that factors in somehow.
I never wanted to wake up so completely that I couldn't connect with the dream anymore. Maybe thats for some, it just wasn't my natural bent. I would LOVE to be awake in the dream but still enjoy it. Which in some ways, we can't not be I guess. I just want to enjoy the dream for what it is, what it offers, love someone, be with someone I love, love others, engage things, bring enjoyment or goodness or joyfulness to something, be joyful, etc... I guess pain and disappointment is part of all this too. Its annoying. 😠
But I think then you ask the dream for assistance. Weirdly enough. You accept assistance from the dream to make it better. No? The dream characters you find yourself engaged with, you attract yourself to. And its that somewhere in between place where you're not really awake from the dream completely but not really quite asleep either. And the dream characters help you out and help move things for you and with you cause thats how it seems.
Maybe? I'm figuring it out. But thanks for everything. My bucket list definitely includes hitting up some gurus IRL before I die, enjoying whatever comes of that, so maybe I'll say hi in body one day if you're still running things by then.
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