Author Topic: My Thread. Mine.  (Read 2007 times)

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #30 on: April 03, 2017, 11:59:21 pm »
Most men are just big babies, enjoy and good work.

Love ya, Jed

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #31 on: April 10, 2017, 07:20:16 pm »
This is so gentle. It wasn't supposed to be gentle.

Singing out the trauma to "I will sing of your love forever." Go Jesus!

It's so interesting the feel the freeze in my breathing. So afraid, people scare the bejesus (praise his name) out of me.


Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #32 on: April 10, 2017, 11:20:38 pm »
How can that be... they don't even exist other than in your mind?

Love ya, Jed.

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #33 on: April 15, 2017, 04:00:20 am »
this is awesome

but i did drugs so it doesnt count

edit:living inquiries some strong ish
« Last Edit: April 15, 2017, 04:03:02 am by john d'oh! »

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #34 on: April 15, 2017, 04:26:02 am »
.... d'oh!

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #35 on: April 15, 2017, 04:38:34 am »
yeah noting how much of megalomaniac i can be. done with drugs, jed.

it's embarrassing writing this but a main issue coming up here is around independence. i'm 25 living with my mom and dad, and told them i want to call them by their first names as a way to disidentify from the parent/son construct. Mom was cool with it, Dad not so much. This drug thing was good because I went to the hospital (nothing major heart was just racing for a while) and it gave me very little room to bullshit. so i called dad this morning and talked, mom's gonna call me later. also noted instantly falling back into the pattern of calling him "dad" on the call and will do the same with mom until this dies down.

arrested development sucks dude.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2017, 09:40:20 am by john d'oh! »

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #36 on: April 16, 2017, 09:44:34 am »
also part of the megalomania is a consistent wanting to be where i'm not on "the path." like sitting on the couch with the heart racing thinking i might die and being like "that's cool" and mentally comparing myself to ramana is really disgusting. not to mention that i had to actually ask myself if i'd rather die than have to be like "yo mom and dad i chugged cough syrup lol"

sorry to not pose a question (nor answer the one posed regarding the humans in my mind), just had to be honest somewhere else.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2017, 10:03:10 am by john d'oh! »

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #37 on: April 16, 2017, 11:22:59 am »
 ;) ;) ;)

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #38 on: April 17, 2017, 08:20:23 am »
Just re-watched Donnie Darko and makes a lot more sense than it did in High School with the cuss words skipped over. Made me grab my copy of Hero With a Thousand Faces out of the shelf, great flick.

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #39 on: April 17, 2017, 09:54:18 am »
 ;) ;) ;)

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #40 on: April 19, 2017, 12:01:30 am »
Hey Jed, been more peace here in the past few days. Just seeing color and marveling at the beauty in a very ordinary way.

A good bit of addiction seems to have fallen away - the compulsive thoughts come and go quickly, like empty husks, lacking some of the oomph they'd had. Weed, food, laptop - all have less draw. The biggest one now seems to be sleep - no rush in getting free of it, just gently watching.

Thank you for helping me see that truth wasn't what I wanted, just basic happiness. So much more peaceful to not be fooling myself about that.

Love ya back.

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #41 on: April 19, 2017, 12:12:26 am »
 :D ::) :P :-*

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #42 on: April 26, 2017, 07:34:07 am »
Trying to find the proper technique/question. Something as simple as possible.

Settling on the "I am," letting it all be as it is - these things made sense. Asking some variation of "Who am i?" (I prefer "what am I, what is this, or how do I know I exist?) also makes a lot of sense.

But a question I've had before and never really followed - and if I'm honest it's what I'm most curious about - is how in the **** I perceive in 3d?

Like when you watch a movie, it's on a 2d screen, yet it seems to be 3d. Color isn't inherently 3d - how do I end up perceiving a 3d world? How does depth come into the picture? "Eyes have depth perception" is a shitty answer. Gonna go here with the inquiry.

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15127
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #43 on: April 27, 2017, 12:49:13 am »
Yes, you do only see in 3D, you mind just fills in the blanks and it appears as 3D, not a big deal, but helpful in survival of the human.

Love ya, Jed.

john d'oh!

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 33
Re: My Thread. Mine.
« Reply #44 on: May 15, 2018, 12:31:35 pm »
How to go far enough back.

Thoughts (and even pictures?) like a tennis match without sides, just a ball bouncing too fast (for who or what?)

Today I felt a little queasy upon waking and was faced with my unwillingness to surrender to even that. At some point, I took on the impression that the journey to freedom requires some suffering, and a surrender to that suffering, a slowing down and resting in that allows the too-fast frames to be seen as is. And I search because I don't want to suffer in the first place (and am suffering in ways I don't think I see-understand).

"I'm not willing to suffer. That means I'm trapped"

Hello again.