Author Topic: Noise in the Silence  (Read 119 times)

Elle

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Noise in the Silence
« on: October 14, 2014, 01:48:20 pm »
I experience an intense, barely controlled rage whenever I hear a noise in an otherwise quiet atmosphere.  For example, in my normally quiet neighborhood, the sound of a dog barking will throw me into an extreme panic, as if I am being overwhelmed.  I would do ANYTHING to make the dog stop barking.
 
An example of lesser intensity is the sound of utensils clacking on a ceramic plate in an otherwise quiet environment (in a busy restaurant, this doesn't bother me at all).
 
People talking to themselves in quiet environments also bothers me.  If I'm in a crowd, however, the level of noise is fine.  I prefer a steady, white noise to any kind of repetitive sound. Rap music, especially the extremely loud subwoofer type, makes me want to scream my heart out.  I'm very much aware of the chaotic energy swirling in me, and the music tends to accentuate it.  Again, the feeling of being overwhelmed/killed is unbearable.
 
If you're going to ask me to answer my question, here goes.  I love the silence, which perhaps reminds me of (or is?) my true self (no self or void).  When that silence is broken or invaded, my reaction is twofold: (1) I am aggravated by it because I feel that it is taking me away from my true self (silence, as an analogy); and (2) I'm using the noise to prop up my ego when I feel too threatened by the silence--thus, the ensuing rage that creates duality, pitting me against the source of the noise.  Of course, I am right and the noise is wrong.  I have an inkling that I'm using noise to avoid diving into the blackness.

Has anyone else experienced this reaction to noise?
 

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