INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Hi Jed!

First I need to say, I´m sorry for my poor language. I´m from Finland
I love and hate your books.. And I think, I have taken the "first step". But for now I just feel nothing. Everything seems to be so unreal. I feel no joy. And I feel like I am even the deeper sleep than earlier. That feel horrible. But I think I cant go back anymore and I don´t even want to. But now I think I´m in some nasty "intermediate space". What should I think? Can I do something.. do I need to just wait?

Love ya!

Dear Jed, thank you for your reply.

Can you tell me, is there any possibilities to see any beauty in this world anymore. Now when I don´t believe it (anything) anymore?
Can you give me some advice, what is the "next step"? How I can go thru this..?  I really do not want to get stuck for this place where I am now.
I feel very tired. I just started my own company but now I am a bit worried what's going to happen in future. I was so excited but now I'm just confused. Can I still keep going this false show and still someday understand the true?

How to go in the fear?

Love ya!

Thank you alot!

I have nothing else to say for now.

I will keep in touch.

Jed.. Hi!

My feelings have been an incredibly awesome. Everything feel so "smooth" and actually I don't care anymore anything that I say or do, or what anyone else do or say. Everything is just fine. Feel like I float. All is just a lie and one big show. It's hilarious.

What a bullshit!!!!     What are these "feelings"? Have I taken even a step one?
I realize that this is just a huge lie!!! From my ego.. It just want me to keep it there and it try to make me feel satisfied. I understand that Maya is totally "on top of me like a house on a mouse".
That makes me wanna bite my head off.

This is insane.
I have tried to write all my thoughts up, but every word is so ridiculous and makes me feel sick.

I have no idea how to rip me out  of this "all is so great"- illusion...

Love ya..K

My ego says: " I do understand this thing. No worry, we can do this together. You don't need to throw me away. This is simple, I get it."

But I'm pretty sure that ego can not understand this. Because it always want to do that.. understand. And this is not something what can understand.
But I see that ego is very clever and it tries to fool me to believe otherwise.

And I guess I know, that I need to destroy it. But I feel like i'm killing a puppy.. I'm so weak.

Thanks for all!

Well.. that's big relief!

Thank you for that.

Love ya, K

My whole life is now one of the big bubble of a paradox!

I do not want to want for anything. I do not want to be without wishing to. I'm trying to fight myself free. But every time when I TRY or FIGHT I sink deeper. The battle does not end the fight. I can not decide I do not want . Objections does not end if I oppose it. I have to surrender. completely. I can not want to surrender. I can not try to surrender. I can not decide to surrender. I just have to surrender.
Why I just can't do it? Who have to? Who can't?
Life does not make sense. In illusion or in truth. No matter. I don't care.
I want to get out of this hell. But what after that. Does it matter?

I do not know why I wrote all of this.
Something is going crazy.

Thank you for your answer!

 That's interesting  It can not be a reason to beer, in my case.. maybe it's because the weather   

Does this really have to be such a struggle? Or is it just an illusion? I fight against windmills. What if I just quit it?