INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

things have been very challenging lately and  I thought I was doing so well and then things started getting to me,  i thought i was awake but then would get bothered by things breaking in life that sort of stuff.

all this "weird" past life spiritual stuff came up and things got worse and worse when i started working with a shaman, i freaked out even more and decided to put it all down and just focus on myself and my health and taking care of myself and its working  as in the nightmares stopped but I feel weaker than before like im missing a lot of energy and the ability to move energy/chi/prana. Does any of this make any sense, do you have any advice Jed?

it seems like every time I go to some spiritual teacher for help they make things worse or things get worse. am I just going to the wrong people?

it is a steady state. where you no longer see things as dual. I thought i was there for a while but i guess i was mistaken.

 for more info ive been worrying most of my life, as i learned to do that from my mom and its been very difficultly to stop. ive studied AV. ive recently had success with affirmations as a way of changing the worry patterns but i previously had gone two some shamans and psychics and they told me about past lives and demons and stuff like that and i ended up worrying about it a lot and things in my life got worse even though these people were supposed to help me. i decided that i was going to worry about the physical world and my health and not these spiritual things that i cant seem to control and things slowly started to improve but i had a lot of dark nightmares. ive got some health conditions im  healing.  bipolar ( cbs mutation to science, demons to a faith healer) candida infection for ever ( because of the cbs genetic mutation) heavy metal poisoning (again cbs mutation)  and Epstein Barr virus.... addiction to **** and addiction in general (which im doing a great job beating this, but emotionally i dont feel anything good about it) ... i was abused a lot and left alone a a lot and criticized a lot as a child,  its a lot to deal with, im doing ok now but it was very hard when the spiritual stuff was going on and i was scared a lot. sleep paralysis, horrible dreams, sensations of other beings,  seeing and talking with them, being attacked, seeing them follow me around and mess up things in my life.

on some level it seems i created this, and its all gone away when i decided and choose not to be dealing with it.

i can take the day off, in the past my mind would just run me ragged even if i wasnt speaking about it but now i can do it.

ill be back in a day with another question.

love, Eric

Simple, but not easy. I don't know if we have discussed this one, but have you done Kiloby's vids on Unfindable Objects? Find your sickness and the you that is ill. I highly recommend them.

Conserve your energy by not talking about yourself any more. No one really wants to hear about you. They all just pretend. Believe me, I know what I am talking about. No! don't believe me, believe yourself. That's the source.

Dialogue:

Hi, how  are you?

Well, not too bad, my backs been kicking up a little but the twitch in my left hand is going away. I think the acupuncture is helping. Got a great acupuncturist, used to be the royal accu-guy for the King of Thailand, but now that the king is dying he had to leave the country, met him in a book store in Syracuse. He noticed a little growth on my right ear, it's dark and irregular, said it might be cancer. Jeez, I don't know what to do. Other than that, I'm not doing too bad. Wife left me last week, said the drinking and smoking dope was getting to her. Good thing she didn't find out about 'you know who' or I would have lost an important body  part. The guy from Thailand said wives feed them to the ducks. I watched a documentary on that, a doctor has done three thousand re-attachments in the past eight years. Duck chewed ones are the toughest and the blendered ones are impossible. Yup.. sure glad she didn't find out about 'you know who'. As a precaution, I threw out the Blendomatic we had. But, that's enough about me. Tell me... do you think I am looking a little pale, you know.. peekid.. these days? I think I'm losing weight, might to due the Chinese diet pills I got on the internet. Make my jaws clench a lot. Now, what do you suppose that is. Ah, probably just a little tension. That's all it is, just tension. I'll just have a little smoke and feel fine.

Just to be clear and for emphasis, no one gives a tinker's damn about you, period. Getting that is one of the biggest reliefs l could offer you. The freedom that comes from this kind of honesty is amazing. Of course, the corollary also applies, with the exception of West Africa. There they really do give a damn about you but it's not quite the same... they only give a damn about whether or not you have symptoms.

Not giving a damn, or hootlessness as L.L. used to call it doesn't mean you are a bastard and ill-willed, it means there is little or no 'you' in everything you do. Things don't go better with Coke, things go better without 'you' in them. The more 'you' the more screwed up things get (a generalization, but look around 'you' and see for yourself).

That's a very condensed version of a huge topic. Just try it on for size. Also, it's important that I have offended you here, I make no bones about it. The only thing that can be offended is something that requires defending and this is all about de fence (please say with French accent) that you built. I want for you to break that fence down into recycled toothpicks. Then compress the toothpicks into press-to-logs and send them to Nepal where they have burned all their trees down (Don't think they had many to begin with so it's not their fault).

Love ya, Jed.

any chance you know a real shaman whos not going to make things worse?

that is what i have been doing though I have reached out to a few people for some tools. so far its going great.

Another note, you are new here and may have missed the rules. No post can be more than 250 words, less is better, and no pics, youtubes or links of any kind are to be included. Thanks in advance.

Love ya,

Jed.

you also said im easily influenced, im not sure how you know that but i think i have been that way, i think im doing better about it now that i am aware of it thanks to you pointing it out.

i think the abuse i was raised in made questioning things dangerous, which makes one easily influenced... no?

 mom was hitting me before i could speak but i started hitting her back around age 2 i know this because she told me a story about how bad a child i was where i said "you fank me i fank you back" and she soon stopped as i got bigger...and  when my mom sent me to psychologists around age ten it was to help me deal with the new stepfather hitting me. So he hit me and I had to go to therapy where they said to just "yes him to death when hes drunk."