INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Agreed, Jed, more awareness is good; it's like medicine: good for ya, but doesn't always taste very good going down.

It often feels like I have much to say until I come to the forum. As I begin typing, or as I contemplate how I can put into a few words that make sense of the torrent of thoughts and feelings experienced...often there's a strong sense that it's pointless--meaning nothing I have to say really means anything in the 'big picture,' or what is said is not intelligent/helpful. And/or even with the anonymity here, feelings of shame and fear arise, or I get my own answer. But I type anyway.

I seem to be achieving my goal of being forced to notice and feel, and deal with who I think I am every single time I post something, or even think about it, and every single time I receive a response, or not receive a response. And, within this forum that is almost always intensely frightening.

I do not like this process..........Sam I AM. I do not like it here or there. I do not like it anywhere. I do not like this process Jed I AM. Now where did the thought of Green Eggs and Ham come from? Same 'place' all the other thoughts come from.

There are times, though, when neutral feelings are present, or deep feelings of gratitude arise to have been given the Grace to really Begin to Feel Truth. That's just the greatest gift. But it has a hefty price tag. I would like to get to the point when I can say, "Say, I do like this process, Jed I AM!" At this point, however, all I can say is, "Thank you, Jed I AM, for pointing the way back 'inward.' Thank you!"

So here's this point again: post or delete? Who decides? Is deciding actually even happening in this moment? Already written?

.....minutes pass by.....post it it is. Looks like fear does not win today. I'm still not sure who or what 'decided' that, or if (the illusion of) decision making occurred in this moment. From what I can gather, there's something here that's tired of playing this game, tired of dreaming, wants to wake up and grow up. So here's this willingness to take the medicine/pay the price of looking at and feeling fear based crap. And, really, the deep sense is that the only thing I really give up is ignorance....fear.

 😂 laughing out loud. I typed, “who cares if I post? Absolutely no one.”  But I took it out because I didn’t want to offend anyone😂😂. I knew I wouldn’t offend You because you don’t care, and neither do I—my True Self. I’ve had a couple of experiences recently in which, It feels like just pure consciousness, is witnessing my own suffering...like a holographic image of myself right in front of this body, and It just notices, there’s nothing to fix or heal and whatever the thoughts, feelings or situation was was perfectly fine just as it was.

Thanks for the reminder to just observe, it’s been about 4 or 5 hours since I’ve reminded myself of that.

Why don’t I just observe? Maybe because I think I need help realizing or reminders that I AM ALREADY AWAKE and that I don’t need anything, nor can I receive anything from people that don’t even exist.

I want to say that the Truth is: All I’m doing IS observing.... I’m observing this character in the dream typing a bunch of bs and being redirected back to Self by another character in the dream. But I’m not always observing because I somehow get ‘lost’ in the dream. When I look deeply, there is no person here, there is absolutely no one in this body; It feels like just Pure Consciousness, impersonal. And, That, feels more real to me than this seemingly “normal waking state.” It feels like a game of hide-n-seek to me. Or sometimes like a magic show with all the sleights of hands and disappearing acts.... only ‘i’ keep reappearing. I feel very strongly that whether I continue writing on this forum or not, Self Realization will occur in this ‘lifetime;’ however, apparently I believe that interaction with you will help the ‘process’ move more quickly. I could be wrong, although it’s rare—at least IN the illusion of the dream world.  You asked the question, “ why don’t you just observe?” And above is no one’s explanation in this dream; the real answer is, “I don’t know.”  I have no clue why this body does anything does and I have no clue why it even seems like there is a body here.

Seems like pain, of any kind, is what is needed (at least here) to.....shift identification with ego to identification with True Self. I notice that it’s harder for this character to accept/allow space for my grandchild’s suffering than ‘my’ own. Sitting with the idea/‘knowledge’ of his suffering feels like being in neutral with the gas pedal nailed to the floor. I want to shift into drive, but there’s REALLY no place to go—-ever!

Thank you for being here, Jed. It seems like the few interactions I’ve had with you on this forum has loosened up some of the stickiness with/to ego. What wants to let go of these illusions? Who or what even sees them when seeing isn’t being seen by Pure Consciousness/not two (that’s what I call that Thing I’ve ‘Been’ for brief moments) I believe I AM THAT all the ‘time.’ I want to identify with THAT all the ‘time.’

I appreciate ya, Jed!!

Many times I’ve directly experienced that seeing, hearing, doing is happening but no one is there seeing, hearing etc. Why, and who keeps forgetting? Anwer: no one. Forgetting just happens. ??

There’s a remembrance of that commercial with the owl and a tootsie pop; how many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie pop? So, Jed, how many brushes with Truth must be experienced before abidance in Truth will occur? If I am Truth already, then.......?

I feel like a dog chasing it’s tail. Maybe that’s why the headaches again lately.

I, the dream character, really wants to know why forgetting seemingly keeps happening. To keep the dream going? Not time— already written when it’s going to happen??

Thank you for reading and responding to ‘my’ posts, Jed. Does the Jed character ever feel like a broken record reminding no one of the same things over and over? 

All good my friend. Best wishes on our venture.

Love ya, Jed